Thank you.
.....that's as aware a statement as I've ever heard from a Narcissist.
it's so frustrating, I will think 'he's got it!' then he about-turns and starts doing the same old thing again. This can go on for years.
I've started suggesting to him he reads many relationship books, becuase there's such a gap between other people's experiences of their feelings and his, and it leads him to tremendous insensitivity.
If he takes it as a quest for knowledge he may read them, but his intransigence against making any changes is like a brick wall.
Even when I say to him, but what you're doing now isn't working, just accepting that is enough to cause too much ambivalence and pain and he starts floundering and blustering about.
I have shared with him my experience of bipolar ( which he touchingly refers to as my 'madness' ) and how I've had to learn to sit with truly uncomfortable feelings rather than act to resolve them, and to medicate the worst ones...
I don't regret taking all this time to try to help, it's in my son's interest plus I don't believe kindness is ever wasted, but I think you can all see by know just how slow and convoluted any kind of progress is. I can't spend my whole life waiting for him to 'wake up'.
Sending you strength at this time.
Thanks H & H.
It feels like a wave of good thoughts are flowing around me, I have learned how to tell people I am struggling without being dependent or demanding, and I now see my way through what seemed insurmountable to untangle 3 years ago.
I have no idea if my ex will resort to nastiness with finances etc. This is a man who has previously shouted and hit me to get his own way. Part of me suspects realistically that it depends on who he hooks up with- if he meets a new woman who fulfills his needs and has a nasty streak ( or even an incredibly naive streak ) I better watch out! But then he has been more consistent the past few years and made some progress, and he said yesterday the only thing he truly delights in is our son, and my son calls his dad on everything.
seem to have no intention of applying info to their lives)
I see it as a gradual transition thing.
If you'd told me 3 years ago, start divorce proceedings, I would have been terrified & unable to move, and my ex would have completely freaked and caused havoc.
It's the general progression overall I suppose, and one thing I did notice was that at my needy stages I also attracted other needy people and I have had to rework my relationships with them too as I have got better.
I'll write a bit more about that later.
