I am new, please read my post. :)

[rosencrantz]

Hi Anna - Ref the timetable incident.

The one thing we ACONs find sooo difficult is just saying 'hey, mom, I made a mistake - that's all'  and really meaning it (and not letting them hang us out to dry).  

Everything they say to us just fills us with so much guilt - and such a sense of responsibility - that we just can't believe that it could be as simple as 'just' 'making a mistake'.  And (make no mistake   ) we are allowed to make mistakes!  The human race is not perfect and we don't have to be ahead of our time by being perfect, either!!!  You didn't even'get it wrong' - you just made a mistake. Tell the jury to go home!!!

It's taken a huge amount of work but I think (I think!) I can now counter my mother by saying that I made a mistake and, tho she may try to make a federal case out of things, I think I can survive.

For those of you who know my history on this Board, it's several months since I phoned my mother.  I finally plucked up courage to phone last week (briefly) and...I'm still here!!!
 
R

[the luckiest man in the w]

Anna!!!!!!


I experienced the same DISBELIEF. You give factual evidence of your mothers N disorder. And you still don't believe it. The same thing happened to me. Also for many many years. Guilt, fear shame. You can't believe it. Children hyave a blind spot for the cruelty of their N-parent.

I discovered this very tuesday my mother is severe N for decades. that's why I feel sort of happy first time in ages. I am living the most important days in my life now. she's always been like a spell inside of me. I couldn't allow myself any success.  But her evil tricks finally won't work never again.
Tuesday I saw my mother for what she was, the first time. and you did the same, or are close to it. Don't be afraid of the truth.


I discovered this forum today. It feels like a miracle. Thank you all.


Anna, I believe these might be good ideas.
1) Stop wondering if your mother is N or not. You may be absolutely sure now. And yes, that's very serious. You're whole life has been f**d up until now. Look at the facts if you don't believe it. They're sickening. Don't be afraid to watch them.
2) Don't wonder how to do things right or wrong with your mother: it's hopeless. I'ts impossible. It prevents you from having a life. She is hurting you all the time. YES. IT IS TRUE. So focus on taking care of yourself. It is the best thing that could happen to you. Protection and defense for you against her will come if you understand and unveal the mechanisms behind all of her tricks. Naming facts, naming your feelings, don't doubt them all the time.
3) You finally saw the light. Now you can start your life. It will work.
I firmly believe SEEING what you saw is the first step.  Understanding what happened is the only way to free yourself from the N-cage and start a life.


I will try to do it. My life's been a mess. But exposing the real horror of my mother's treating me has finally given me the courage to descend in myself.


Ah and you don't have to excuse for exposing your feelings or being imperfect!  Keep up the good work. It can only get better.

Courage girl!

[pp]

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