Advice re perimenopause

[Jackie45]

HI, I posted here recently about some relationship difficulties I was having with a man..
I am 48 years old.
 In the past six months I have been receiving comments from some of my G/friends about menopause.   I have a new man in my life and we are already in  some conflict.
It has been said to me that I am more irritable and more "emotionally difficult" that I have been in the past.
Perhaps I have some of the symptoms of early menopause?  I do not see it but maybe others have a point. I still sleep OK and still menstruate (albeit lightly and irregularly).
I have read about 'moodswings . THis seems to describe what my man is refering to. He said that my reactions were 'extreme' at times and I seem to want to shed a tear a lot.
I still feel like ME most of the time .

Any websites for advice ?? Anyone with similar experiences?

Jackie.
.

[Overcomer]

Hi Jackie:  I am with you.  I went to a doc who prescribes bioidentical hormone replacement because I think part of my "break down" was the whole perimenopause thing coupled with deep emotions which finally blew to the top.  Without these menopause symptoms I think I would have put up with my Nmom's manipulation indefinately.  So in that regard, I suppose they are good.  But in the man kingdom?  My husband calls PMS (pack my suitcase.)

[Stormchild]

My 2 cents here - going through menopause with an unsupportive man is a lot worse than going through it with no man at all -

[Jackie45]

I am usually a fairly calm but slightly nervous person....However recently I have been told that I am becoming, "prickly", argumentative, competitive, harsh and demanding. THese words have been said by significant people in my life. I accept that they are not inventing them.
 I am not aware of any emotional shifts in myself so it is all mystery. My man IS suppotive BUT he is now making distancing moves so I need to listen to those around me.
Is anyone else suffering these emotional changes?
What is happening here ?

Jackie.

[Certain Hope]

Hi Jackie,

   I think maybe it's kinda like a second round of adolescence, only with a meaner snarl and less eye-rolling. 

Love,
Hope

[Stormchild]

Umm, Jackie?

Just a thought here, and I could be totally wrong.

I think I remember that your last guy did really hurtful things to you, involving dropping you like a hot rock if some other gal called on the phone, and making lunch dates with her when he was in the midst of a reconciliation with you. I'm pretty sure that was your situation. I'm glad you have moved on, he was causing only pain.

These things don't usually happen in a vacuum. What I'm wondering is if some of these other people had become accustomed to mistreating you, casually but more or less consistently, and you're more aware of it from them too? And perhaps are taking a stand about it now and refusing to let them get away with things you once tolerated, because once you learn to do that in the closest relationship you can also do it in others?

If this is what's happening, then people who have been taking you for granted, or whatever, will get a bit ticked off at you for not being a happy pushover anymore. This is called a changeback reaction. [Change back to the nice person you were, whom we could all so easily mistreat and take advantage of.]

Again, I don't know the whole story so I could be totally absolutely wrong, but I do know that abusive lovers and abusive friends tend to run in packs... this could be happening because you are standing up to things you never stood up to before, on multiple fronts.

just a thought.

[Certain Hope]

Stormy,

You make an excellent point! 

I was a bit puzzled, Jackie, by your statement that you're not aware of emotional shifts within yourself, because it seems to me you'd notice if emotions were fluctuating as much as they can during hormonal changes. What Storm says makes good sense to me, because I know that once a person gains confidence in herself and has begun to take a stand against abusive, controlling behavior, she actually seems to give off new "vibes"!  Perhaps it's as simple as that. Any newfound strength in a person who was previously more passive and bent on pleasing others at her own expense is going to be viewed as a threat to those who are accustomed to being able to "manage" her.

Hope

[Brigid]

Jackie,
I think that the point that Storm and Hope are making is certainly worth considering.  I am post-menopausal, so have been through it all.  Each stage comes with an emotional roller-coaster, but it shouldn't be that difficult for you to see and sense in yourself.  Sometimes I would suddenly find myself crying more easily, taking offense quicker and more easily angered about silly things--but with a few moment's thought, I could figure out where I was in the month and blame it on hormones.  Even if your periods are irregular, the time of the month when you are more emotional, tends to stay the same.  It still happens to me even now when I get no periods at all anymore (but I do take hormone replacement).  Also, these stages of sensitivity should only last a few days at the most, not be a constant situation.

Obviously, every woman is different and experiences the change of life differently.  There are blood tests which your ob/gyn can perform to test your hormone levels to see if you have started the menopause process (these are not 100% reliable, but can give an indication).  You are a little young to be starting, but not outside the realm of normality.  If you have concerns, I would talk to your ob.  Mine happens to be a specialist in the area of menopause, so he has been a wonderful asset as I have progressed through the process.  There are some great resources available on the web regarding menopause also.  Be sure to consider all the options.

Brigid

[Jackie45]

I am not willing to buy into "it's all his fault/their fault because they liked me the way I was and they want me back the way I was." .This is crap! I am having emotional ups and downs. I trust the people who are telling me this. THEY are not the problem.  I AM NOT INTO BLAME SHIFTING.
I accept that I have the problem,aand I am trying to find answers....and I thank Brigid for her reply.

Emotionally -
I find offense where there is none. I see abuse where there is none. I have gained 16 lbs in 4 months.  I am irritable and intolerant. I am on"red alert" a lot of the time. I am super sensitive to even the most mild and casual or innocent remark. I am becoming not very nice to be near.

[seeker]

Jackie....

"back when"....when I was a young woman and had PMS (don't think it was named back then), I told the doctor that during  the time just "before", I would get so mean, I couldn't stand myself!  He sort of snickered.  Then, with a little age, the PMS thingy got better.  When I began  what I NOW know was "peri", I asked the doctor if I was going through "the change" .   He said, "No, you're in your early 40's and you won't do that until your 50's."       I also asked him if, because I was so "mean" with PMS, would I "lose my mind COMPLETELY" with "the change".  He flatly said, "Women who have PMS usually have a very CALM "change".  HE LIED!  HE LIED!     Now for the BAD news!  HOT FLASHES NEVER GO AWAY! 

Seriously though, I was also going through a major "anxiety/depression event" , not related to "the curse", but definitely affected by it, at that time.  I was told by my family  (basically after the drama was quelled) that I was snappy, unreasonable, etc., etc.  God bless their patience!   I'm not sure which event was the "Main Event", because they resembled one another; but, I have suspicions that it was the anxiety/depression.  Hope you aren't suffering from both!  Take care.  I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well!

[Stormchild]

I am not willing to buy into "it's all his fault/their fault because they liked me the way I was and they want me back the way I was." .This is crap! I am having emotional ups and downs. I trust the people who are telling me this. THEY are not the problem.  I AM NOT INTO BLAME SHIFTING.
I accept that I have the problem,aand I am trying to find answers....and I thank Brigid for her reply.

Emotionally -
I find offense where there is none. I see abuse where there is none. I have gained 16 lbs in 4 months.  I am irritable and intolerant. I am on"red alert" a lot of the time. I am super sensitive to even the most mild and casual or innocent remark. I am becoming not very nice to be near.

You have persuaded me, and I believe you 100%.

I'm in peri myself, but all I seem to get are hot flashes. Even my prior problem with depression has largely gone away. 

Best of luck to you, Jackie.