Especially for those who are new ~ and anyone else ~ Motivation

[Certain Hope]

Hi, everyone,

   I'd been doing some research on the subject of goal-setting, specifically personal goals, although educational and career goals could certainly be included. But then in the midst of that reading, I remembered what it was like when N was still in the picture, coloring everything gray and fogging up the landscape. All of the listed goals in the world wouldn't have helped me a bit at that point... I was too occupied with trying to survive. Even for those who are long free of immediate occupation with N's, various situations and life crises can leave us feeling unhinged, flattened, unable to imagine how we should proceed. So it seemed to me that one of the key things that's been missing for me at times like that was motivation. What can we do to help ourselves when our old support systems have faltered or failed and we feel like the rug has been pulled out from under us?

I hope this helps. Seems like a good start, anyway.

Motivation

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[center]Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
—RalphWaldo Emerson [/center] 
 
 
Here are some strategies to build Motivation:

1.  Focus on the positive, but do not ignore the negative

2.  Develop high self-esteem, believing you have the competence to learn, a sense of personal dignity, worth, and self respect.

3.  Use positive self talk and imagery. For example, I am creative. I can see myself succeeding in the future.

4.  Focus on clear, specific, purposes and goals.

5.  Acquire skills and habits of success 
         Taking responsibility for all areas of my life
         Getting immediate help when I need it
         Committing to following through

6.  Take responsibility

7.  Be in the present

8.  Be well balanced:
           physical ~  (sleep, diet, exercise, no drugs)
           mental ~   (think critically, alert, and mindfully)
           spiritual ~  (sense of purpose and meaning)
           social ~      (not overly social nor isolative)

9.   Focus on success not failure; opportunities, not problems

10. Create support. Listen and spend more time with those whom support you

11. Strive for excellence not perfection

12  Reward yourself
 
Now all of that may seem like alot, if taken in one gulp, but I believe it's possible to work through one at a time and quickly notice a dramatic change in attitude. I can also see how we each might tend to especially neglect one or more of these important items when we get preoccupied with pressing circumstances, so my may need to give those items more individual attention. I'm starting out a bit backwards here, but these are the areas I feel a bit convicted of my need to pursue, so it's #'s 10 and 11, for me.
Happy motivating!

With love,
Hope

 

[Stormchild]

Thanks Hope! I like your Voice...

I'm going to start focusing more on 8 and 9, myself .

[penelope]

#8, 9 & 10 here (especially spiritual and social)

Storm - which aspects of 8?

hope - what do you do when you find yourself being a perfectionist?  Do you purposely try to do things more chaotic?  Give me some examples if you can.   

pb

[Stormchild]

I need to exercise more - and I've been too isolated in realspace. I'm working on both of these now, but it's going to take an effort, and I'm surprised how much inertia I have.

Ulcer is finally truly healing, hurray, and I have to adjust my diet. I've been eating a LOT of comfort food because it feels good in the tummy but if I keep going I'll need a whole new wardrobe.

Maybe if I lose the weight I've gained in the last six weeks I'll follow Brigid's example and get a motorcycle.  Haven't had much luck getting a guy, the last few years, but I think I can manage the bike.

[Certain Hope]

Thanks Stormy    I think I neglected to say Hey to you on that other thread where I just responded to Pb... sorry... and Hey (((((Stormy)))))
I am so ready for it to cool down to be able to do more outside besides just the absolute necessities!! Getting a bit loose here from all the indoorsity    Cooler weather should cancel out some of that inertia, I hope. Praise God for healing and stress reduction (I really hope) !! We have a motorcycle which I have thus far declined to ride, but... who knows. Sounds like you are revved up for adventure and that's a wonderful blessing 

Pb,

  That perfectionism thing has been a buggaboo of mine for my entire life. Strangely enough, what finally broke me completely free of it was the trauma of dealing with and then "losing" my N-ex-husband. Of all the things he broke, that's one I won't miss. But short of traumatic experiences that completely undo every shred of reality as you've ever known it, there are some things I had to force myself to do (or rather not to do) in order to begin to change my habits. For one thing, I threw away the dustbuster. I loved my dustbuster... it really was an unnatural attachment    I literally had to force myself to develop a blind eye to some of the trivial things that I used to find so impossible to tolerate... to be able to walk through a room and not straighten pillows or wipe the countertop just one more time. I had it bad. What woke me up to the need for immediate change was that I could see the effect it was having on a couple of my kids.. my son, especially. I should clarify... I was not the sort who screamed and overreacted if someone spilled a glass of milk. I remembered how my mother would tense up and look so utterly disgusted if someone had an accident in our home and never ever reacted in that way. With me, it was more about everything having to be done in a certain order, in just a certain way. With what I know now, I'd say it was O.C.D. or the next thing to it. Anyway, I could see that my ways were causing my son especially to be fearful to try anything, afraid that he'd make a mess, or do something out of order. He's the one who helped me break the pattern... such a sweetheart. He asked me when he was about 3 if he could help me make the pudding. Well, I had visions of pudding and milk splattered all over the walls and floor, but this boy is irresistable. I said yes... we had fun... his eyes sparkled... and that was the beginning of my reform. I've grown up alot with him.
   After that, I stayed on a pretty steady path to not demanding that everything I did be perfect, but just to get it done and enjoy it (whatever it was) in the process. Letter writing was a big challenge to me. I used to write in pencil because I "had" to be able to erase if I made a mistake. I forced myself to let the mistakes lie. It wasn't easy, but I had plenty of incentive to not dump my obsessive habits onto my children.
    I'll do some looking next time I get on a research kick and see whether there might be some other helpful info available. Thanks for asking, Pb... hope I didn't tell ya more than you wanted to know 
    Blessings on your motivational efforts.. I am confident that you'll succeed.

With love,
Hope