One of the top tips I've found for recovery from traumatic events is: to talk about it. The theory is that unspeakable trauma becomes more manageable when it is verbalized.
I can see how an incident that might appear to be minor in some folks' perception can be experienced as a major traumatic event in to another person, particularly if that incident harkens back to a trauma endured at a young age in that person's life, or to wounds inflicted by an individual who had a profound impact on her/him at any age.
There have been occasions in my life when I've been virtually immobilized for a time, by something that nobody else present would ever even notice. If I tried to explain what happened to paralyze me, my thoughts, my responses... well, they might try to understand, but unless they'd been there, I don't see how they could. Whether that's post traumatic stress disorder or some sort of flashback or what, I don't know, but I do recognize the power that a triggered memory can have. I believe that there are other people here in this forum who recognize that, as well. Whether they are able to pinpoint the triggers or express how they feel when these paralyzing moments come... I don't know. I'm not sure that I can either, but I would like to keep trying.
I think that there is an enormous amount of grief left behind by trauma. Maybe it's that grief, left unacknowledged and unexposed, which acts as a stopper to being able to learn to process the leftovers. One expert says,
"The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma". This forced me to look up the word "dialectic", which has several definitions, including:
The art or practice of arriving at the truth by the exchange of logical arguments and
The contradiction between two conflicting forces viewed as the determining factor in their continuing interactionI'm assuming that in the case of this sentence, the latter definition applies.
Contradiction.
Seems to be plenty of that to deal with, within and without.
More expert views:
When the truth is fully recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often, secrecy prevails and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom.
Denial exists on a social as well as an individual level... We need to understand the past in order to reclaim the present and the future. An understanding of psychological trauma begins with rediscovery of the past.How to reconcile the contradiction?
According to Judith Lewis Herman, M.D., here are the fundamental stages of recovery:
1. Establishing safety
2. Reconstructing the traumatic story
3. Restoring the connection between the survivor and his/her community.Dr. Herman says,
"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator.
All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing.
He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil.
The victim ask the bystander to share the burden of the pain.
The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.
(A tendency to render the victim invisible; to look the other way.)"http://www.uic.edu/classes/psych/psych270/PTSD.htmBecause I believe that silence victimizes more people in this sort of setting than talking does (no one has to listen), I sincerely hope that anyone with a burden of unspoken pain and grief will feel safe enough within her/his own skin here to regain and exercise voice.
To me, this is not a trivial pursuit or a distraction, it's a matter of life and death.
Hope
