Thank you so much ((((((Hops)))))) ((((((((Seeker)))))) (((((((Portia)))))))
I'm sorry for any feelings that may be resurfacing from discussing this. I am so sorry Jac, CH and Hops for what you have been through.
Hoppy hon... I didn't understand why you said ignorance. Do you mean our ignorance?
Seeker.... Thank you for your post. If I had the power by they didn't go, then I'd use it but I'm very much an outsider in this case.
Portia.... The girls routine is at home Sunday - Thursday, then his parents Friday and stay over Friday night and her parents pick them up on Saturday and they stay over at theirs Saturday night. At home they have their own single beds and at her parents they have their own double bed which they share. This is mainly because her D works Friday, Saturday & Sunday, so her parents will generally drop the girls at his parents on Sunday and then her D will pick them up when she finishes work on Sunday. They don't have any babysitters who come to the house as far as I'm aware. Her parents have had the girls each Saturday since they were small babies, and as we tend to see them for an hour or so on a Saturday, we've seen the twins often also. One has a tendancy to exagerate and make believe, however this is the other twin who doesn't tend to do that.
How often has she complained and when does this go back to?
As far as I'm aware, it's been twice, maybe three times in the last six months.
your friend would act? What would she do? Is she afraid of knowing any more?
Yes, I think she is afraid of knowing more, who wouldn't be. However she does have the girls best interests at heart, and her and her husband are very protective of them so I am sure she would act. Both of them would definitely have a lot of anger towards anyone who hurt either of the girls.
Playing with dolls is another great idea.... and I will suggest this also. And I will recommend asking questions. Both our hubbies are away next week, so I'll arrange to meet up for a coffee with her so we can chat then.
Maybe she has been ill, had some sort of infection. In which case presumably the mother would have known and taken her to the doctor’s? How responsible is the mother (do you know her)?
This is a possibility, however Mum and daughter are close and I'm sure she would be aware if it was the case of an infection. How responsible is the mother? I do know her, but not very well. She's a 20 year old single mum who's trying to raise twins, pay for them and give them the best that she can. She did have another boyfriend for a few months (my friend found this out from the twins and suggested that next time she keep boyfriends a separate part of her life unless it was serious). So I would say she's not the most responsible person, but she loves her girls to bits and would be mortified if any harm came of them. I can't really say much about the twins dad... when they were together she went out to work, he was out of work and made no attempt to get a job. Left the twins playing downstairs while he was in bed, or he played on his computer. He did no housework at all, and sometimes dropped the kids off at his Mums while he sat playing on his computer. I'm afraid I don't think a lot of him.
Is it unusual for your friend to confide in you like this? Do you think she might have told anyone else? What’s her gut feeling, what do you think of her reactions….? etc.
No, it's not unusual... we've discussed many things, including childhood so I would be very surprised if she was reliving an old trauma. Plus this has been discussed once when we have been with her husband too, so I'm pretty sure this isn't the case, however we discussed it in a lot more depth tonight. I don't think anyone else knows apart her husband and me and H. She thinks she may be over-reacting, which again I would imagine is quite a common thing to think?
It's a very difficult one, but I think through watching carefully and through various play with the girls, they will find out more information.
Thank you so much, all of you.
H&H xx