Mud,
I see what you're saying and it makes good sense. As long as some of us refuse to become embroiled in seemingly never-ending spitting matches, business as usual can continue. It does often appear that a mini crisis has nearly wrapped up when someone new to the discussion tosses in a remark and the whole shebang catches fire again, but I guess that's a situation inherent to this sort of time-delayed (at times) forum. I do believe that these things will run their course and die a natural death if "fixing" and "protecting" modes are relinquished and alot more (temporary) ignore is applied. In cases of chronic head butters, at least with my two youngest kids this works.. they are simply not allowed to speak to each other, period, unless they have something kind to say. Self-imposed, situational voicelessness could spare alot of trips around the mulberry bush, I think.
Sure glad you're able to be here, Mud, and I'm still praying for permanent respite from the storm for your family.
Hope