The 'F' Word

[WRITE]

While I ws typing another reply my son is downstairs off school with a cold, I said no tv/ computer etc and he got out an electronics kit and just called me excitedly to show me a circuit he had built then modified!

Being a child and having a few resources he created something more than his construction:

FUN.

A few months ago I was trying to get him to exercise and eat healthier, it became 'fun' when he got his retainer ( mouth brace ) and had to be creative about what he can and can't eat/ drink. We swam until he got bored with the games we made up then his dad took him to a bike shop and let him pick out his first 'real' bike.

And now he's exercising pretty much constantly, riding around the neighbourhood, the dog walks become bike and nature trails, the kids devise complex racing and obstacle games.

And they keep doing  it because it's so much FUN.

I never knew the word 'fun' as a child. I don't think my parents knew what it was. They married too early and unhappily, and settled into a daily grind of hard work and heavy drinking.
Getting progressively more grumpy and less playful, being an adult was about being 'serious'.

This is very much part of the culture I grew up in- where are you Portia, was your family like this too?

There was little laughter except of the mocking or sarcastic kind, and virtually no pampering.

Even a visit to the hairdressers was an ordeal, being made to wait then having a style foisted on you for convenience and no idea of 'good service'.

And I reproduced all this in a lot of my adult life too, doing relationships I wasn't enjoying, putting up with bad service, going not hours but months and years without doing anything just because it's fun.

When my son was born I started learning how to play again, and I thought it would stop when I wasn't doing all the mommy reading and making stuff...but it's just changed. I still do loads with him. But also more and more for myself. My creativity is turning into doing things not for posterity or trying to acheive great things, but little poems to make people laugh, painting for no reason other than to play around with colour, listening to music I didn't think I liked before, trying new foods.

It's taken me years to create a life filled with fun, now I want to shout the 'F' word every day!

[movinon]

Thanks for that reminder Write -

In my FOO and in my relationship with my ex fun was pretty conditional.

In my FOO, fun was reserved for the adults.  I was too scared to have fun.  It was not safe enough.

With the psycho, I was scared too.  I used to be very humorous, but he cut that out pretty quickly when my extovertedness got more attention than him.

I have almost forgotten how to have fun with my children. I know that's something that can be revived.

Thanks for your example.  Be proud of yourself.  What a great Mom you are!

Movinon

[Certain Hope]

Thanks for this, Write.

Too often I get caught unawares by myself as I'm taking my self too seriously... how dull.

My upbringing had very similar effects. Ultra responsible, practical, with some measure of "satisfaction" coming from a job well done, but very little playful FUN apart from my interactions with children. They seem to have been the only ones of whom I wasn't afraid and kids have always gravitated to me. Well, teenagers scare me, but I take that as a mark of sanity 
Anyhow, thanks for this... a timely reminder that it's up to us to turn drudgery around.

Love,
Hope

[moonlight52]

Write

Playfulness is important and not to lose sight of the grand beauty of the world .

I am so happy you have been enjoying these things with your son.

All is a balance right now I need to get back into doing and working on projects .

Doing this with one arm and shoulder that is still hurting is not easy but not impossible.

Write I have fun with my thirteen year old .I keep thinking she is going to not want to do stuff with me

but she still does .And it is little things like going to the library or to the store or going for a walk that are fun.

thanks for reminding me of what is important...........

Moon

[WRITE]

he cut that out pretty quickly when my extovertedness got more attention than him.

isn't that the horriblest thing. I wrote a poem once called 'You Can't Dance' because I didn't get up and dance for years after my ex humiliated me in front of a crowd; he told me years later he was just jealous...

kids have always gravitated to me.

young children still have that sixth sense they haven't tuned out yet, they know where their emotions and happiness are safe.

not to lose sight of the grand beauty of the world .

Living in a huge modern city it's even more important to tune into this, because there is beauty and wildlife all around, but it's not always obvious.

Hope your shoulder is feeling better Moon.

[moonlight52]

Write ,

My shoulder is the same ,but I will "baby" it until I know if I need to get a MRI on it or not.
But I just want you to know your expressive and insightful posts have always lifted my spirit .
I just want to let you know that.In some small ways I can see I can actually be a helpful person and am not looking at my self as such a complete useless person.

Now if others pick up on this change in me thats great if not its OK.But helping myself is helping my kids and thats important.Also Brigid said something important I remember oh yeah Its good to make these steps to wholeness for yourself.
I was thinking we must be doing things for others and doing for self is bad.But I can see helping self is just helping everyone you come in contact with .Well that is if your lucky enough to be with someone that is receptive.I am just so glad to see the adult side of me .Who knew it was there ?

moon

[dragonsamm]

Thanks, Write, for the reminder!
How easily we forget the very thing that keeps us young and alive!
My history includes being described as an "exhuberant" child in a tone of impatience.  Tells me that i once knew what fun was.  i even remember my brother and i hiding in a closet to act out our excitement over being told we were going somewhere exciting because we had been threatened with not being allowed to go if we didn't "settle down".  Amazes me how one can tell themselves they are having fun when they've taken all the fun out of it!
my motto is :"Life is too short not to have fun!"

 thanks again
~dragonsamm~

[WRITE]

described as an "exhuberant" child in a tone of impatience.

oh dear! I said to my son a few months ago 'you're being childish'.
He looked at me like I am the least intelligent person he ever met and explained patiently
'I'm ten. I am a child...'