Lost My Job and Doubting Myself

[BonesMS]

Just wanted to give a brief update.  I haven't heard back, yet, from the self-employment program that I've been referred to.  The reason might be is because they don't have any workshops scheduled yet due to the summer months.

I'll give it a couple more weeks, then e-mail again.  In the meantime, I've been borrowing books from the library about self-employment and what ground-work needs to be done to prepare.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I'm fighting the cranky old tapes that seem to start up as soon as I need to make an adult decision!!  (Can anyone relate?)

I went ahead and contacted my bank to inquire about the "Keeping Home Affordable" program.  Intellectually, I know I have a right to do this as many others are dealing with similar situations.  I'm also exploring the possibility of self-employment, given that my age, education, disabilities, and health issues are barriers to traditional employment. 

The anxiety levels are going up and the old tapes of NWomb-Donor start playing their sick old tunes!!!!  I'm sure others have heard similar SICK messages from the NWomb-Donors in their lives!  "What's WRONG with YOU!?!?  Why can't you get a REAL job?!?  I always KNEW you are TOO RETARDED to be worth the space you're in!  You should have been ABORTED!  The ONLY thing you're good for is to become a WHORE!!!!"  and on and on, ad nauseum!!  I WISH I could have been able to punch that sick NWomb-Donor in the mouth and STOP her vicious venom!!!   

I know I'm struggling with PTSD and it's a BEAR and a B*TCH!!!!  UGH!!!!!!   

Bones

[Hopalong]

I think you could contact them EVERY week...but maybe email is less direct than calling.
Or perhaps going in, once a week, to patiently ask for help and sit there for an hour (even in the waiting room). Eventually (drip, drip), someone should try to move you along because your presence would be a reminder that there's a service needed, and here's the person...

As to NWombdonor -- she is GONE. Out of your life.

Let's let her walk out of your head now.

Take her old ghostly mean ranting off to some cornfield where she can't intimidate anyone.

Who do you think you are?

You think you're someone in need of respectful treatment and simple public services (for which you've been paying taxes all your life).

It's quite all right. It does not touch your human dignity, Bones.

Love,
Hops

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Hops.

A LOT of deeply-buried pain is finally coming to the surface and I'm struggling to work through it.  A LOT of it is wordless!

Bones

[Ami]

I'm fighting the cranky old tapes that seem to start up as soon as I need to make an adult decision!!  (Can anyone relate?)

I went ahead and contacted my bank to inquire about the "Keeping Home Affordable" program.  Intellectually, I know I have a right to do this as many others are dealing with similar situations.  I'm also exploring the possibility of self-employment, given that my age, education, disabilities, and health issues are barriers to traditional employment. 

The anxiety levels are going up and the old tapes of NWomb-Donor start playing their sick old tunes!!!!  I'm sure others have heard similar SICK messages from the NWomb-Donors in their lives!  "What's WRONG with YOU!?!?  Why can't you get a REAL job?!?  I always KNEW you are TOO RETARDED to be worth the space you're in!  You should have been ABORTED!  The ONLY thing you're good for is to become a WHORE!!!!"  and on and on, ad nauseum!!  I WISH I could have been able to punch that sick NWomb-Donor in the mouth and STOP her vicious venom!!!   

I know I'm struggling with PTSD and it's a BEAR and a B*TCH!!!!  UGH!!!!!!   

Bones

The messages are horrible((((Bones))) I have them , too. "WHO do you think YOUOOOO are?""What are you so big about?"  "You are not sick until you are hanging over the toilet bowl."
  I understand. It really, really HURTS!           Ami

[BonesMS]

Thanks, Ami.

I HATE N's!!!!!!!   

Bones

[Ami]

How are you doing, Bones?                     Ami

[BonesMS]

How are you doing, Bones?                     Ami

Trying to deal with everything, one day at a time.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Getting ready to check my e-mail to see if anything new has come in that might be helpful in some way.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I'm also working on drafting a business plan for the idea I have.  Somehow, the process feels similar to writing my research papers for graduate school....even a lot of the sections of the business plan format are similar!

Bones

[BonesMS]

The more I research the process of writing a business plan, the more complicated it feels.

Bones

[Hopalong]

They write every possibility ever, into those template plans, Bones...

I hope you can cut out the stuff you don't need, keep it simpler.

I bet you'd be an outstanding researcher.

Hops

[BonesMS]

They write every possibility ever, into those template plans, Bones...

I hope you can cut out the stuff you don't need, keep it simpler.

I bet you'd be an outstanding researcher.

Hops

Thanks, Hops!

The process of researching the business plan, jotting down notes, etc. feels EXACTLY like what I did for my graduate school research papers.  That experience is coming in handy for this!  I've also been writing down brainstorming ideas as I read.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I've also been going to the library and checking out books on small businesses, self-employment, sole proprietorships, etc.

Bones

[Ami]

Dear Bones
 I see so many interesting e bay businesses. It seems you have to have a niche you can fill, a specialty in some field.I don't have it but wish I did.
                                                                             Ami