Update on my situation

[phoenix]

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[phoenix]

bye

[Anonymous]

Hey there Phoenix,

Thanks for the update.  Been reading your posts and wanting to know how it was getting on with you...In reading your new post, the following thoughts popped into my head:

What would Phoenix be doing if she didn't need the money?  In other words, what is your passion?  Is it food--catering?  Is it decorating?  
It sounds like the waitressing was okay for a certain amount of steady income, but not much even with tips (am I right?).  Do you have other interests that might land you an inspiring even if low-level job that might lead to other opportunities?  I'm thinking about a scenario like say you are interested in art, you can work at an art store, an art studio, or art school, while you supplement your income by making your own creations.  Or you rep for another artist.  etc.  If you are a "foodie" you can work at a high end grocery store or wine store or ???...while running your own catering biz, baking biz, etc.  So perhaps you can find some tangential position while you shore up your own dreams.  

I have this gut feeling that changing locations isn't the answer to addressing your challenges (although the promise--illusion?--of reduced expenses is always a motivator.) I also sense that what you need is an ever replenishing source of income (the career, the dream) for real freedom vs. a one-shot rescue (the inheritance, the lottery, a loan).  I think you mentioned this earlier in one of your posts. Think of it as living near a river vs. using a water tank.  Also, changing locations to move closer to your DAD is antithetical to your life story and desires.  Do you need to move away from your mother?  She sounds supportive...

These are just shotgun observations from afar.  Consider that you might not have to chase the rainbow but the sun is hitting it from an angle you can see from right where you are!   Hope this helps. Good luck Phoenix, we are cheering for you!  Seeker

[phoenix]

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[pp]

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[Anonymous]

Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for taking the time to tell me/us more about your goals.  I love nature, but having grown up in the Burbs, I know I would miss the conveniences of a nearby grocery store.  

This caught my eye in your last post:

Even when I was at one time pursuing a career in Graphic Arts, a fairly safe vocation! You can’t imagine the heavy dissuasion I got over that! They won’t be happy until I am working in an office typing memos and answering phones.

Isn't it interesting that your famiy would push you away from expressing yourself and towards listening to others (in a rather boring mundane way)?!  

Someone once asked me, why did you listen? I couldn’t explain.

I totally get this.  Why wouldn't one listen to their parents?  A silly question, really.  I think people who are stronger personalities don't appreciate their own strength and that fact that their families probably respected their positions/opinions/voice more than our families did.  Other folks (usually other Ns in retrospect) would look at me like "what a wimp, why are you so submissive?"  It was important for me to be the good girl and when I did have a difference of opinion, a goal, or whatever, I had to prepared to fall on my sword to get what I wanted or convince them I needed something.  It was always a debate, always a fight, never automatic acceptance of my perceptions or needs. As a consequence not every opinion or whatever I had was "worth" going through this.  I learned not to have my own needs.  

I hope you make it to a place where the new you can thrive.  
Hugs, Seeker

[phoenix]

bye

[cmajor]

This is the first time on this board.  However, I wanted to let you know that after divorcing an serial adultering N after 32 years of marriage (after nursing him through 8 surgeries), and after getting out of a "love" relationship with yet another N, I decided that I had to change my pattern.  I didn't want to move back home.  My mother and father wanted me to move back immediately, but didn't press it.

Eventually, after a bout with despression, and going through individual and group therapy, plus reading every book I could find to help me. (Codepency, Forgive for Good, Boundaries, Say a Prayer for Me), I decided to move back.  It was the healthiest thing I could have done.

I moved back without a job.  But I found MYSELF.  I've been able to remember who I was before I was put down.  I rediscovered childhood friends and haunts.  I'm talking with cousins, and relatives that I have not been in contact with. I'm facing old self-doubts and anxieties.  And I'm rediscovering me in a healthy way.

My therapist asked me once, "Why did I feel I had to suffer?"  I'm realizing that I don't need to.  And I don't want to.  And that I have choices.  And, after 3 months of looking I finally have a job.  I wish I had a man in my life, but until I make better choices and listen to my inner good sense, it is probably best that I don't.

Certainly, in the midst of the night, I roll over and wish that N1 or N2 were there.   But I cherish even more that I'm here.  And I'm okay.
And I roll over, and good back to sleep -- thankful that I'm not suffering anymore.

So my advice.  Go where you have support.  Go where you have a shoulder to cry on.  Go where you can remember who you were before.
And go where you can find out who you will be.

God bless.

[phoenix]

bye

[pp]

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