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What does this say about me?

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lynn:
Hi friends,

Recently I crossed the line of understanding about my long term marriage with an N man.  I feel overwhelmed with new information about N.  A light went on in my head, a veil was lifted from my eyes. It is extraordinary.

I am wondering what having stayed in this marriage says about me. ( I am certain that if I effectively get out of the relationship time will make things clearer... )

But what kind of person chooses to live in an N environment?  It is easier to look at someone else and see that they are in a bad relationship.  It is harder to look within.

lynn

Anonymous:
Dear Lynn,

You don't need to chastise yourself.  We who found ourselves in relationships with Ns were usually raised and trained by same.  When you spend your informative years denying self, you are "ripe for the picken'".  N's will be attracted to you because they can focus on themselves and we're attracted to them because we're still trying to get these unavailable people to love us.  One of the most helpful books I've ever read in trying to understand how we choose our partners was GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT by Harville Hendrix.  It literally changed the way I understood relationships.  He says that the relationships we choose comes from our "urgent desire to heal childhood wounds."

Just the fact that you are now able to examine some of these issues is clearly a tribute to your strength, not your weakness.  All thre best, Pat

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
Lynn,

It probably says about you, that you did not know about narcissism. Now you know. And you can make some positive moves.

muji:
I agree Phoenix, it is a type of seduction.  Tall, dark, and handsome.  Intelligent, successful, AND single!  That described my N.  Met through a dating service no less - that was a very costly date.  I got way less than I paid for.  Anyway Lynn, I didn't conciously choose an N.  I was very specific on that profile as to what I was looking for and it said NOTHING about a narcissists or other such neglectful person.  Somehow they just know though, don't they?  Before I realized what was happening, I was already sucked into the vortex.  When I did realize though, i still couldn't do anything.  At that point, the seduction had turned into an addiction.  
That's my reality though, it may not be yours.  If it is, I'd say look at it like an alcoholic would look at a glass of booze.  It might taste good at that moment and you might could handle one drink but. . . it's best not to fall off of that wagon again.  Easier task now that we have this forum as our seat belt and the knowledge of narcissism and voicelessness as a drivers manual.  Good luck to you.  I second the Guest's comment that now that you are armed with this new awareness,  you can actually make a conscious choice next time.

muji

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