Fears (Adding to Moon's Topic)

[gratitude28]

Here's a simple task... list your fears. No discussion, just get 'em out in black and white in front of you:

Death
Being alone
Inability to control habits
Falling into depression again
Never getting into shape or feeling good about myself
My husband dying in Iraq
My dog dying or getting stolen
Finding out I really suck at painting
Having people see me the way my mother does


Love, Beth

[Gaining Strength]

never having any money
living in a dilapidated house forever
having no family and no friends for five more years
not being able to give my son some of the experiences I so valued growing up

GS

[gratitude28]

Here's one I forgot (and a huge one for me):

What I will do with myself when my children are gone
That my children won't love me at some point

[pennyplant]

The life I have right now, I'm afraid this is it:

struggling with our budget
little time or inclination for fun
always on everybody else's "b-list"
rarely if ever get to do what I want to do, even basic things like have a regular day off work, things like that

Some basic fears:

trusting people
being humiliated
serious illness
getting caught making mistakes, slacking off, being made an example of
making a fool of myself
getting old (looking)
environmental and/or economic disasters (living in a Mad-Max kind of world)

No wonder I prefer to escape into fantasy!

PP

[moonlight52]

basic fears

my children's safety
my h safety
my safety
serious illness for loved ones
Having bipolar meltdown




I do not fear death
moon

[gratitude28]

Looking old is one more for me. Ugh... I hate the thought of myself period...

[Stormchild]

Becoming helpless [since I live alone]
unemployment [since I have no family]
homelessness [see above]
passing away before my animals do - and there not being anyone to care for them
not being with my animals when they pass away
never having a life that is any better than the one I have now
never having a job where I am appreciated and able to use my talents and skills to the fullest
losing my life's savings

[Plucky]

well.....listing my fears is in itself frightening for me!  Getting it all out in the open, making it even more real, making myself more vulnerable....
and the other is, inflicting an unhealthy childhood on my children.
Plucky

[moonlight52]

Plucky ditto 

Stormy,

I had a cat named Katie for 23 years I miss her .
When we took her home my oldest child was five years old they grew up together.
 I can not tell you how much we all miss  Katie girl

oops I can hardly talk about her .lump in throat She was so smart oh how she loved us and we loved her.
All the time I was expecting our second child I had bed rest and  Katie girl was so wonderful.

We have lots of photo's of her.The first year we had her she got hit by a car her pelvis was hurt we took her to the doctor
and she was perfectly healed and every day she was at the hospital we came to visit and the way she looked like "I want to come home guys"

She was  Katie girl such a huge part of our family.
Now we have two CATS added to our family
Ebe and Iris

moon

[Portia]

Hi again  and thanks Beth. I really had to think hard about what I deeply fear.

I don't fear death (what is there to fear except the unknown?),
nor lack of money (i can sell my house and live for a good few years on that for example)
I'm not sure I fear illness any more (I don't like pain...but do I fear it? Not exactly..)
what do I fear, really? Not much.

I fear being controlled. I fear being brainwashed. I fear losing my rights to be free and to think as i wish. I fear war. I fear all women being forced by men to do things. I fear being tortured, being used, losing my freedom.

Books like The Handmaid's Tale and films like Brazil make an impact on me. I fear what human beings have the capacity to do to others.

This even affects me applying for jobs. I don't like the idea of having to be in a place, a building, wearing certain clothes, having my time controlled (this is fear of other people, i could happily be in an empty building alone).....I get anxious over it. Even though I know I'm in control, I choose to go there or not, i choose to work wherever. It's the thinking about it that's awkward: doing it is relatively easy! I don't like having to conform. I fear conformity. I guess i watched too much WW2 and Vietnam visuals as a kid, maybe.

Maybe I should work the desensitizing thing. Go out somewhere, work it through. Now that's a scary thought!

[Stormchild]

Hi Portia, long time no see.

Thinking about conformity.

I've never been much of a conformist myself - I tend to do what I think is right regardless of what others think. This is one reason for my enduring popularity in large bureaucratic organizations [not]. It's certainly why I've been bullied in various workplaces.

Bullying is, basically, a primitive way of enforcing or demanding conformity. Someone stands out? Knock them down. Crude, but often effective.

It occurs to me that I'm no longer afraid of being bullied - I've learned how to stand up for myself and not back down, and I've learned how to keep getting up when I'm being knocked down, even if I'm ganged up on by more than one bully at a time.

Now I'm working on learning which battles to pick - you can't fight them all, but sometimes what you ignore escalates; so it's important to figure out when that's most and least likely to happen.

-Bullies and abusers run these little 'tests' to see what you'll put up with. When you out them in the first round, they often go elsewhere to get their jollies.

-I also think that when there is a general awareness that a bully is operating, then it's not necessary for one person to stand up every time; others will stand up too. But as long as people aren't aware, then it's important to stand up, partly to maintain your own boundaries, but also so that the pattern of bullying becomes obvious to others over time.

What else have I learned not to fear? I would like to say death, and that's true, but I'm still afraid of dying, and there's a big difference.

I'm far more afraid, these days, of being trapped in the company of bores, bigots, or bullies, than I am of being alone. This is not a literal fear; more of an 'oh no, life's too short and I'm too old to put up with any more of this' reaction. So I tend to be quite blunt, these days, in dealing with it.

I'm not afraid of pain, in general; I've experienced a great deal of it, physically and emotionally; it ends. But I dread dental pain.

Coming from my FOO and watching what my parents' marriage was, and what my sibling became, I've also made my peace with being forever single and childless.

So I guess there's progress of a sort

Anybody else got any they've overcome?

[Certain Hope]

I used to fear evil, which to me is personified by those who would deny that there is an absolute truth and twist the spirit of the law to include anything that makes their individual boats float.

Teartracks, your list to me represents the natural consequences of the afore mentioned evil-doers being allowed to claim their rights as sacrosanct, and in the process enslave those who still deny the relativity of truth.

Stormy, your post helped me to recognize that a great deal of my former avoidant tendancies were activated by a tremendous fear of bullies. I've never been much of a conformist either, in that I wasn't interested in following trends or fads, but often questioned the whys and wherefores behind the customs. But in an odd way, my fear of bullies had caused me to be a follower of sorts. Of course, I would leave it to those whom I perceived as being stronger than myself to confront the bullies and then I could feel safe in following those strong ones. This is what I believe now I've left behind, because I see clearly that a bully has only as much strength to overpower me as I allow him/her to possess.

Per Webster:
A bully is ~
1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people. 
2. Archaic. a man hired to do violence. 
3. Obsolete. a pimp; procurer. 

Do I ever see how all three of these definitions suit. One bully alone is not nearly so intimidating as two in tandem or worse yet, a gang. Whatever their formation, they indeed do violence to anyone who stands out as different. In the process, I see how they act as pimps and procurers, recruiting others to their league under the guise of standing for truth, justice, and liberty. To me, anarchists are the consummate bullies who play off of the fears of others in an effort to accomplish nothing but the possession of absolute power and control, with no thought for the welfare of others.

At one time, the fear that such a bully could inspire in me was so overwhelming that I could not respond, could not confront directly, could only hide behind one braver than myself and be a mere echo. I've overcome that fear by challenging it, thereby realizing that it's all smoke and mirrors, nothing but a load of empty rationalizations and ear-tickling, often accompanied by ferocious bluster, but void of substance. You have helped me in this overcoming, Stormy, and I owe you a great debt of gratitude. I've seen the truth reflected in you enough times to know that it's worth standing up and fighting for. And yes, choosing battles wisely. I also have learned the value of a strong defense, which to me requires repeatedly speaking the truth in love without letting offenses build and stew, addressing each critical issue as it arises and not storing up offenses to the breaking point. This is great progress, I think, and I share your joy in having faced some of the same issues and been found .... still standing.

Love,
Hope

[teartracks]

Dear Moon,

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing


And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

[moonlight52]

TT              I do hear HIS sweet melody and I am grateful indeed 


Love Always
MoonLight

[Certain Hope]

 

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Love,
Hope