Dear Write,
My avoidance always encourages me to skim and ignore, too. I have been slapping it silly for some time now and it does get easier.
I can see that there've been many mini-shut-downs in my life which have slowed down my growth and I am just so sick and tired of that routine... tired of stagnating, or worse, slipping backward.
Hugs for your heart. I know it must be feeling quite bruised.
it's great to know I can 'sit with my emotions' this is the first time in my life I've really been able to do thatMe, too. Those emotions are losing their life-threatening, overwhelming power in the process.
you know those bits in The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings where they are underground and it's all scary and any light dazzles and blinds them...well that's how I feel!Here ya go >>>>

I have a matching pair!
It's really weird how I have to remind myself stuff like eating properly and getting enough sleep, I'm like a baby at taking care of myself, my son has more common sense than me...Me, too, again. Taking care of others comes so naturally. Learning to apply that same gracious kindness toward myself has seemed so... selfish! For years, I've barely even recognized the sensation of hunger in myself until it got to the extreme. It's like when the electricity goes out and the emergency generator kicks in... only the absolutely essential functions receive power. Shades of survival mode, I guess. Disconnected, short-circuited, need fresh batteries (as my son used to say about anything that refused to work right).
I think perhaps I've found the idea of caring for myself repulsive because it's like admitting that no one else ever has or will, and that seems just too sad. It's appeared easier to refuse to recognize needs than to identify them and plan, alone, to see them met.
I ask heavenly Father to help me with this, alot, otherwise I think I would have simply faded away by now, because my internal parent is simply too critical to be allowed to remind me of anything, so I need an Advisor from without, not within.
Much love, Write. Nothing wrong with beginning again at the beginning. Breakfast sounds like an excellent plan at the moment!
Hope