Write,
I just want to give you a couple of warnings as you move through this process. I have 4 good friends who either did not use their own attorneys, or the ones they did use, did not do a good job for them. In most cases, the women were mostly in a state of shock while fumbling through the divorce and were willing to give up many things just to have it be over.
I can't remember how long you said you have been married to your h (I think I remember something about marriage, divorce and remarriage--but maybe I'm confusing you with someone else). The husband will always be as nice and helpful as possible during the time immediately preceeding the divorce, but once the decree is in place and there is no chance of changing it, they can become quite nasty--or at least difficult. Every one of my friends had good jobs when their marriages ended, but they are all struggling financially now. Some are fighting to get help with their children's educations, some can't afford to have a home in our area where their children are in school, some are losing income due to industry cutbacks and insurance costs are through the roof.
These are all women who are now in their later 40's to mid-50's. They still have a lot of life to live and their ability to save for the future is minimal. None of them are in stable relationships even after being divorced for a number of years (hence, no man is coming to their rescue).
Anyway, my point is--make sure you think about your future and the future of your son before you agree to anything. Having an attorney can help to be sure you are receiving what is rightfully yours now and into the future. In my first marriage, I did not have an attorney and just agreed to whatever my ex asked for so I could get out. I didn't have children, I was still young, and I had a good job. I know I got screwed, but I really didn't care. With the end of my second marriage, I had 2 children, I was in my 50's and hadn't worked outside the home in over 20 years. I was totally dependent on getting a good settlement in order to survive, and be able to properly care for my kids. I was married to man who had made more than a few poor decisions, and I was not going to depend on him to make good decisions into the future regarding our children.
When I bought my house, my situation was almost the opposite of yours. I had no income, but was able to secure a loan strictly on my good credit rating. I hope every woman reading this takes heed if they do not currently have credit in their own name. It is critical that you do so. If you buy a car with your spouse, put it solely in your name to help establish your own credit. The same can be true of buying a house. Anything which will allow for establishing payment patterns--and then be sure to make those payments on time every month. Thankfully, I was the one to keep track of the finances during my second marriage, as he would never have made payments on time and our credit would have been deplorable.
Getting all the utilities, etc., into your name is a pain, but not hard to do. I have an accountant do my taxes, as it is over my head and his advice is well worth what I pay him. Make sure you and your stbex establish who will carry the health insurance for your son, who will pay for visits to the dentist, is anyone going to help with college costs (no one has to do anything after the child is 18), who pays for school clothes and supplies, etc., etc., etc. I know you think it will all be fine and the two of you will work well together on this, but it really will change once the divorce is in place. It will change even more if he gets into a new relationship (or you do) and some new woman doesn't want him spending so much on his child. Maybe none of this will be a problem, but there will almost always be some problems, even in the best of divorce situations.
Please consider all your options carefully before you agree to anything.
Brigid
