Good news on treatment

[October]

This one might be hard to believe, and I am not sure I believe it myself as yet, but after a wait of well over a year, I was told yesterday that the NHS has agreed to fund my further treatment, at a private clinic, and that they have agreed what is in effect a blank cheque.

I was offered six months as an in patient.

At which point (after picking myself up from the floor, metaphorically), I politely turned it down, and explained firstly that people with ptsd cannot lose control, or have it taken from them, and secondly, I have a 13 year old who relies on me, and who I am not willing to pass on to grandparents or uncles and aunts for such an extended period.

So, the next thing is an assessment, when they can tell me what their recommendations are, and I can tell them to what extent their recommendations fit what I intuitively feel that I need, and then hopefully some kind of care plan can be drawn up.

I was told I have been offered this because I used to be a very high functioning person (actually, in relative terms, I still am. ), and that it is hoped that if I recover, this will have a positive effect on ds life as well.  In other words, in the lottery that is the NHS, if I were (sorry!!) stupid and had no daughter, I would not get funding.

However, I must not look this particular gift horse in the mouth.  It is taking some time for the good news to sink in, but it is a far better message to receive than what I had expected, because they turned me down the first time, and this had to go to appeal.  So it was a close run thing.

Hopefully it won't be just me who benefits, if I bring any words of wisdom or insights here.  If there are any ...  From experience, in terms of finding words of wisdom, there are far more, and far more love and support here, than I have ever found in 3D.

I am swinging from being hopeful to being pessimistic on this one.  Too many hurts in the past.  Too many false dawns.  And here is another one.   

[Portia]

Brilliant news October!

I appreciate your hopeful /  pessimistic see-saw but hey: it’s an opportunity with possibilities attached.

You’re in control! Any time you want out, you can. Any time you want to challenge the treatment you can.

I know what you mean about if you’d been stupid and childless. Hey that’s me! I used to be a high-functioning person (ha – net-contributor to taxes that means?) but because I never went near the NHS, I never asked for any help and found this board instead…….I have no money and no recourse to social security (because I was stupidly self-employed and earned next to nothing). So please, take it for what it is, which won’t be perfect, it can’t be, but please use it and let us know. Amazing news.

And yes, you sure are high-functioning I think.

[WRITE]

from what I saw of the NHS you have to be fairly high-functioning just to use it effectively!

Congratulations, good luck with getting the treatment in the way you want or need it.

[Portia]

Not relevant to you October but Write, I read this in hard copy yesterday and was overcome with sadness for what women suffered, right here, less than 100 years ago. Terrible. Have a hanky if you read this: http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/generalfiction/story/0,,1885504,00.html

[WRITE]

Thanks Portia, we don't realise how lucky we are in some ways- but it's a reminder never to be complacent and assume anyone has moral or 'expert' authority to decide what's best for your own mental health.

October is right to insist that it's the treatment she requires- look at what happened to me here a couple of years ago; if I had listened to my doctors I would still be on huge doses of medication ( with all the complications and side-effects ) unable to function instead of well and building a new career. What made me realise was doing research myself and finding out not only did the doctors know very little about bipolar 1, they probably got the whole 'diagnosis' wrong- everyone I met with it had a collection of stress-related syndromes and problem responses! I'll write a book about all that myself one day.

'Your life in their hands...' very scary.

[Certain Hope]

Perfectly understandable mixed feelings, October, but all-in-all, wonderful (ironic) news!  Looking forward to hearing what all you may glean through this.

Blessings,
Hope

[October]

Thank you all so much.  I can't say how much it means to have people who care.

Needless to say, my parents neither know nor care anything about my situation.  I drive my dad for dentist appointments, and take my d to the hospital for hers.  My own appointments I go to on my own.  But that is part of being an adult, I dare say, and being part of the age group which now runs the world.  God help us all!!!!   

Thought I was ok yesterday, and went to visit a friend.  D and I chatted in the car about what recovery will look like for us; mostly material stuff, but that is ok.  We built castles in the air all the way, about a new car, and holidays, and clothes and such.

Then I got to the friend's house, which has parking for about 6 cars, only he had two visitors who had parked in such a way that the drive was completely blocked off, and it triggered me straight into a dissociative state which is just beginning to wear off now, 24 hours later.  So I spent the whole day seeing the world from a distance, and not really engaging with life.  So I can talk about recovery, but there is still some way to go, if neutral events like this can trigger me in such an automatic, and unpreventable way.

Thanks again, Portia, Write and Certain Hope.

[Plucky]

October,
This is great news.  Given what you have already gone through, I just think this is an unmitigated victory.    Yes they are clueless - you knew that.  So when they offer you what they think is the perfect solution, of course it will not work!
But at least they acknowledged everything you have been saying.  I applaud you for your colossal courage and stamina. Your D is lucky and a wonderful support to you.
Plucky

[teartracks]

Hi October,

I'm trying to read enough of your past posts to have a somewhat accurate view of where you're coming from.  I don't know it all yet, but I want you to know that I send prayers for these most recent events to be beneficial and practical for your needs.

Lots of hugs, OK!

teartracks

[October]

October,
This is great news.  Given what you have already gone through, I just think this is an unmitigated victory.    Yes they are clueless - you knew that.  So when they offer you what they think is the perfect solution, of course it will not work!
But at least they acknowledged everything you have been saying.  I applaud you for your colossal courage and stamina. Your D is lucky and a wonderful support to you.
Plucky

Thanks, Plucky.  I really appreciate that. 

The reason I have been told to be careful is that this is private sector provision, with NHS funding.  My pdoc told me that it is in the interests of the private sector to provide as much as they can, in order to charge as much as they can.  The funding is unlimited, so if I choose to take everything they offer, I can, but it may not actually be what I need.  He told me that I have to decide.

However, in the cold light of day, several days later, what exactly is he telling me about the ethical stance of the place I am being referred to?   

And in case anyone doubts that this pdoc is rather on the unprofessional side of good, here are two new revelations about his private life, given to me while in my consultation.  He had an operation last year, conducted by the NHS, which was fully successful, and means that he 'can sit down again'.  Yeeeeekkkkkssssssss!!  TMI!!!  Then he told me about his bil, who was diagnosed in Canada with a brain tumour, with recommendations for surgery, and had that diagnosis refined in the UK, where a second opinion determined it to be benign.

Those around me generally recognise that I am one of life's nurturers, and turn to me for emotional support, advice, reassurance.     Even doctors, who should know better, fall into doing this.  I have learned about this by now, and I just smile sweetly, and think, ah, yes, parentified child time again. 

(For those not familiar with ancient history, last time I saw this man he asked me to campaign to keep his unit open, as it is threatened with closure in 6 months;  he said, write to the MP, or the papers, or do anything you can, because you have a louder voice than me.     )

[October]

Hi October,

I'm trying to read enough of your past posts to have a somewhat accurate view of where you're coming from.  I don't know it all yet, but I want you to know that I send prayers for these most recent events to be beneficial and practical for your needs.

Lots of hugs, OK!

teartracks

The easiest way to summarise it is that I have big red letters on my forehead saying "PARENT", and it is a very rare person who does not make me into their mother.  Even if I am asking them for help.

Here I don't mind nurturing others, in the knowledge that the nurturing is mutual.  But mostly, when you get labelled as the parent, you no longer have emotional needs, and can be used like a doormat.  Even by doctors.   

[Certain Hope]

Dear October,

  This rings alot of bells:  The easiest way to summarise it is that I have big red letters on my forehead saying "PARENT", and it is a very rare person who does not make me into their mother.  Even if I am asking them for help.

I've been in that position often and it surely is a mixed bag. Not only does it become exceedingly difficult to get needed help when others key in on these maternal vibes, but also... I've had people zone in on me as the mama-figure to such an extent that... when it becomes obvious that I'm only another flawed human being with weaknesses and frailties of my own, they go ballistic and unload upon me all of the rant and rage they've always wanted to deliver to the doorstep of their real parental figure.
I have literally wanted to scream:  I am NOT your mother!!

I just think it was so totally inappropriate for that doc to discuss his personal health issues with you... and then to try to enlist your assistance in maintaining his unit and position??!!?  Sometimes I think these people are the ones who need professional help. Years ago, my children's dad was in a program for sex offenders. I agreed to participate in several joint sessions with him and his counselor. This man was referred to as a "doctor" by both the courts and his staff and he was the head of the county's (U.S.) sex-offender psych program, but he always answered his phone "Ed". (He had no PhD, I discovered upon my own research.)
Anyhow, I went to a couple sessions and the man was a total loony tune. He talked with us as though this was ordinary marriage counseling... like we'd gone to him because our relationship needed a boost. (My ex had molested at least one of my daughters!!!)  My last visit, he suggested that we begin engaging in "date nights" and even recommended a certain show we should go see... "back to the 50's"...  I never went back. The court put this character in charge of determining when/whether my ex could resume contact with my children. Now that is nuts.


Here I don't mind nurturing others, in the knowledge that the nurturing is mutual.  But mostly, when you get labelled as the parent, you no longer have emotional needs, and can be used like a doormat.  Even by doctors. 

yes... and by friends, and coworkers, and bosses, and... the list is endless... of people who hold the nurturer responsible for making them feel better, for solving their problems, and for never suggesting that there might be something about their own outlook which is in need of revision.

Hugs, October... I do understand.

Hope

[teartracks]

((((((((((((((((October's Hurting Heart)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((Hope's Understanding Heart)))))))))))))))))

teartracks

[Stormchild]

October - this is such hopeful news - !!!! Hoping and praying for the outcome you need, with understanding professionals who will listen to you and respect your wisdom, and no hindrances placed in your path or theirs...

[Hopalong]

Hi ((((((October)))))))),
I'm sorry you had that detour at your friend's, but I'm awed by the calm and care with which you name it for what it is and continue to move forward. I hope it didn't scare you too much. It must have been disappointing. However you ARE moving forward, one skip sideways doesn't mean you're not.

I was thinking about your shrink, and how you respond when he yields to your sympathetic air (which he shouldn't, if he's on task, even if his bum DOES hurt... ).

I just smile sweetly

  What would happen if you didn't?

What if you tried something like:

"Sorry, but please stop. When you tell me personal things I feel abandoned because I need you to be my doctor. I sympathize on a personal level, but it does make me feel less supported. Everyone leans on me."

?? Would he freak out or would he go, I'm sorry, you're right, back to you...? All depends who he is, how good his intentions are, I guess. I hope they're good and he was just slipping. They're human.

My old T did that too now and then but I liked him so much I let it roll. Then he'd sort of shake himself, and literally say, ooops, back to you.

Regardless, I am so glad you come here for the support and propping-up you deserve.

Hops