(((((((((tjr))))))))))) (((((((((((steve)))))))))))) ((((((((((((beth)))))))))))))
sorry to hijack - I get so Pissed off when I hear these stories cause I can relate!
beth - we are biologically attached, my parents go on vacation every month too! They've been to Europe about 15 times.. I was simply aghast when last year they started spewing that the reason they haven't any money for retirement is they've spent it all on their 6 kids. Guess they conveniently forgot all those trips.

Similar situation with my sis. I lived 45 minutes away - they came to my house a total of 2 times in the three years I lived there (once my Dad didn't even come in, he just picked me up, on his way to go on a hike with his colleagues - I think he was too jealous to have a look around at the house I bought by myself). But they drove 3 hours to see my sister every other weekend. Still, they complained how far away I lived. But it was expected I drive out to their house for dinner once a month (guess it wasn't as far coming as going).
So I conveniently developed chronic car trouble. It's no coincidence I drove a beater that broke down every month or so, and was too unreliable to go further than my work.

Since I moved 1.5 hrs from them, I do not have a car at all!

Well, the fact of the matter is, steve and anyone in an impossible situation like this: just because they're family does not mean you have to sustain any kind of relationship with them. In my case, it was just easier to stop. Stop seeing them, stop thinking about them, stop feeling pain. A bit of anger still seeps out though. sorry bout that. Lost my sense of detachment for a moment there.
And hops, you're completely correct. This stuff does seep into other relationships, like work ones. Some of the anger I feel for my boss most definitely is partly due to him being an authority figure and doing/saying things
exactly like my N father. blah! Is he my N father? no. So, I'm working on neutralizing his effect. It's tough though. Our subconscious minds are very strong.
p bean