Anxiety - overcoming a chokehold

[Gaining Strength]

Found an interesting article on treating anxiety in women -
              http://www.womentowomen.com/depressionanxietyandmood/anxiety.asp
the website deals with women's hormonal issues and resulting concerns.
There are some very unusual suggestions here - worth a look if you are a woman and dealing
with endocrine issues. - GS

[penelope]

hi GS,
That is a great article.  thank you.

bean

[WRITE]

yeah I started reading it earlier. I have a thyroid problem and have been tons healthier since I've been on supplement.

How did your days go GS and Bean?

[magnolia44]

What supplement are you taking for your thyroid?

Thanks,
Mag

[WRITE]

What supplement are you taking for your thyroid?

I think it's called thyroxizine, my levels dropped significantly this year; still don't know why. My doctor said to test again regularly and monitor.

I am a lot less 'sluggish' now.

[penelope]

hi write,
It's going good thanks for asking    how are you?

I'm also back on thyroid medicine (as of yesterday).  I have an underactive thyroid.

p bean

[Hopalong]

GS--
Just thinking of you, hoping that low fog is lifting.
How are you doing?

Hops

[reallyME]

hi All

I"ve been on Synthroid for years now for hypothyroidism.  I also just started on something called Lamictal.  I started seeing a Christian therapist, because my anger was getting out of control.  Lamictal is an anticonvulsant.  Today is my first day on it and I have a dull headache and feel like my head is in a cloud.  I was diagnosed Cyclothymic, a type of bipolar II disorder.

~Laura

[Hopalong]

Hi Laura,
Sorry you have more to cope with...but I'm really impressed that you have stepped up for support, Rx, and general help. Good for you...please keep us posted.

I don't deal with strong anger a lot but I know when I do it's really painful. I feel sort of shaky and sick.

I hope the new Rx help you a lot. I know the body often feels WEIRD for a couple weeks adjusting to a new medicine...hang in there, it'll get better!

Hops

[moonlight52]

Hey Laura ,

I have Bipolar 1 and Laura you must have a great  Doctor that is a wonderful Bipolar medicine that you were given.
I take trileptal and have been for four years.
And you can get a little headache at first.

It is hard  to talk about my anger Mr Moon says it is sooooooooooooo much better.
Mr Moon is very mellow.Thank goodness all these years of riding on my BP rollarcoaster.
It is so GOOD to understand it now.

And the meds are great.I have a friend from school days I have not seen in a long time.
It turns out she is Bipolar.And when she came to visit Mr moon had the  2 of us just like when we were kids (college days), laughing and crying and laughing again
( that we are both Bipolar ) and of course Mr moon was right at home and was so understanding and having fun.
Mr moon holds no stigma against anyone because of Bipolar.He says Bipolar people can be so darling.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
OR MAYBE HE JUST WANTS SOMETHING?

Boy do we have stories the ups and downs of bipolar folk.It does get a lot better Laura.I am glad we can understand Bipolar is the easiest MOOD disorder to treat
(not a personality disorder) The medicine you have there is one of the best for cycling.I am sure you know this stuff already.
Laura are you having rapid cycling? If so the meds will get that in control .

Its a great relief your Doctor knows a lot about meds.My moods swings before
the meds were 3 months of up or down and then some "neutral " in between.Now there are few meltdowns and really only when dealing with one issue.
So I know not to "go there".And really that is getting better all the time.
I have every day problems also some very difficult ones right now but I am being more adult than ever and doing well even with difficult problems which I could not do before.

Fear and suppressed anger was what I was dealing with before meds same thing just different expression.
Let me know how they are working I had to try a few to get the right one.
The help was like turning on a light.I am happy for you .

It is hard sometimes because I know there is this attitude about Bipolar.
If some one had high blood pressure they would not be a stigmatized .
But I rarely think of that the relief the meds has made is huge.

Laura give the medicine time to work .I am holding you in my thoughts and sending Love always.

MoonLight

[Hopalong]

I am being more adult than ever and doing well even with difficult problems which I could not do before.

Moon, you are just amazing. And Mr. Moon is a LOVE BUG! (He knows he's lucky, that's it.)
I feel so happy when I hear about your family.

I love H&H's family too...hope she'll pop back in with a tale soon.

love,
Hops

[Gaining Strength]

GS--
Just thinking of you, hoping that low fog is lifting.
How are you doing?
Hops

Thanks for thinking of me.  I finally got a prescription for antianxiety.  I'm on day 3. 
It is making a difference.  Thank goodness. 
I have a long way to go but at least I have some help now.
Once I opened my eyes to some of the ramifications of growing up in my
family I think it was an overload on an already full plate of anxiety.
Last night I had a dream in which my father was sabotaging my project
All of  my life I gave in believing what he was doing  was for my "own good."
Now I know that it was really more about him.  It is very hard to take.
This is going to be an interesting journey - trying to reclaim a life from ashes.

I was talking to my therapist this week about some of the difficulties in
achieving anything growing up about the way my father would require me to go around the
world to get across the street.  He pointed out that my father was OCD and though I've actually
known that for many years I've never really thought about that as having anything but an effect
on him. He used to tie everything up in rubber bands, write tiny notes on every paper surface, go
through a pretense of organization, xeroxing tens of copies of everything.  But suddenly my therapists
made it clear how his OCD coupled with perfectionism was forced on me so that I too would have to
go through these ridiculous elaborate processes for anything and then if my solution to a problem was wrong
there was hell to pay. 

I think I'm beginning to get it.  I understand how I got where I am.  I'm not sure why I am just now completely frozen
but I'm more interested in the question of learning functional behavior.  Has anybody here ever reached
a point of paralysis and then recovered to a truly functional fulfilling life? - GS

[Hopalong]

Hi GS,
I've been in and out of paralysis. Perhaps a notch less drastic than what you're suffering, but there have been times when I was completely overwhelmed. I feel "on guard" against it now.

I think you may have just written the answer to your question about why you are frozen:

suddenly my therapists made it clear how his OCD coupled with perfectionism was forced on me so that I too would have to go through these ridiculous elaborate processes for anything

If you don't want to be anything like your father (and your deep life force demands that you don't)...but you've also internalized the OCD, the best unconscious way to Not Do Things In OCD, would be to Not Do Anything.

The pysche has its own logic, but it is often irrational, from the deep unconscious. At first, as it developed, this paralysis had a GOOD function by the pysche's logic. It did protect you from living out compulsive rituals like those your father had. What happened though, I think perhaps, is that it didn't know when to quit. (The psyche sometimes doesn't.)

So what it's waiting for is rational help, from your rational, conscious mind. And that's what you can work on in therapy. Cognitive behavioral or other types of therapy could help you, if you want, to intentionally work with rational thought about "what you get out of being frozen." That's always a helpful question to ask yourself when you're stuck (even when it seems ludicrous, as you don't seem to be getting any benefit from the behavior): "What do I get out of this?"

In light of all that, how do you think you might answer that question, if you want to?

Hugs,
Hops

[WRITE]

Has anybody here ever reached
a point of paralysis and then recovered to a truly functional fulfilling life? - GS

yes. My life isn't perfect but it is pretty good, and gets better month on month, GS.

Good to hear from you, I'll write more later (((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Gaining Strength]

"What do I get out of this?"
.
That's clear.  The condemnation and rejection did not come out of being impotent it came from trying and succeeding or trying and making a mistake.  It came from doing something well and doing something incorrectly.  The rejection and condemnation was silent if no action was taken. 

Trying to be something.  Trying to create a place for myself - that really got the craziness going.  But remember - I never saw any of this as craziness.  From my perspective and from most people's perspective my father had a picture perfect life.  That made it difficult to see his behavior as flawed.

What has happened to me is that at any point where responsibility comes in I go into paralyzing anxiety.  Responsibility and obligation are interchangeable words for me and they freeze me.  Now I've got that information and some antianxiety medication I hope to slowly and careefully cut through this.  Part of it too is that my father intentionally left me powerless financially.  He was given great wealth by his parents early on and yet he has left me with nothing and shamelessly never said a word to my brothers or me about not giving us money.  He has simply never spoken to us about finances.  A very strange behavior.  I have only recently realized that he was completely bound in knots about money himself.  He was caught in his own crippling contradictions and simply passed those on.  One big difference between us is that as an N he simply has no capacity to try to figure out what is wrong with himself. -GS