Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

don't be judgemental please!

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Anonymous:
please don't be overly judgemental with comments- eg. to parents.

For one thing people are doing their best and will feel attacked and defensive rather than learn constructively.

For another you don't know that person or their situation, many families are perfectly happy with the arrangements they work out even if it would not suit you. Unless you know the bigger picture you're just making assumptions based on your own limited experiences ( and all our experiences are limited in that respect )

But the biggest reason not to judge others and criticise is that it turns people off looking for a response to their developing voice: when their situation seems so overwhelming or so bad to them already, or maybe they are really pleased to have turned a bad situation around, only to have someone tell them they should have done it differently, actually?

That's really hard when you only just found yourself and are building confidence.

Anonymous:
J, in your last paragraph you dangerously contradict yourself. This is almost a histrionic overdramatisation and is completely unsupportable. To state so emphatically that when you lose your voice as a child, you lose it forever, which once lost can never, ever be restored. Whereas in the very preceeding sentence you pray that these same people can find their voice and reclaim their childhoos. How confusing, and you made it so absolute. I wish you'd make up your mind. This would quite simply scare people if they took you seriously. And I wish to say, it is totally untrue, and quite preposterous. I reject it outright and wish to say so. I'm expressing my voice and opinion on this because it's such an important aspect ov recovering from damage casued by Nparents.  I lost my voice, and have found it quite succesfully, and also have established a terrific support network and great friends. All of whom have contributed to health. People who love me. I think the only time you lose your voice forever, as you put it, while ever you isolate yourself, as you have done. After all, who is there to hear your voice then. I've reached out to others, overlooked, forgiven and myself apologised and received forgiveness many times. The result is I've found warmth and care in many unexpected places. And grown as a result. It's your entitlement to state your opinion, and I respect that, but I believe you're wrong on this one, and it's not a small thing to be wrong on. It's such a negative prognosis which risks leaving a seeker completely devasted.

Guest

Anonymous:
anyone can rediscover their voice. Nothing is forever- unless we believe it is.

Lizbeth as Guest:
That is not true, not everything can be recovered.  We cannot regain the childhood that is denied us when we are raised in an abusive household.  That is lost forever.  



--- Quote from: Anonymous ---anyone can rediscover their voice. Nothing is forever- unless we believe it is.
--- End quote ---

Anonymous:
What is not true? Prove it. You seem so sure, yet you even misquote guest, and call guest anonymous instead of guest. You took what guest said as a quote 'Anyone can rediscover their voice' and reframed it and then refuted your reframing. Not what guest actually said.
You turned it into nothing to do with the voice at all. You said we can't regain the childhood that's denied us, that's lost forever. Yes, that's right, but guest wasn't refering to childhood but was refering to the voice. Go back and read it. The voice has been on hold, on pause all these years, and can be rediscovered. Not lost, stolen or killed. Repressed, oppressed but still inside you.

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