Hi GS,
Forgive me playing armchair analyst? I was thinking, when I asked you the question, "What's in it for me, staying paralysed?" that this might be a possible answer--though only you know if it has a ring:
Staying paralysed means I never risk being like him.
The reason I mention it is that my dad was undiagnosed mild OCD--a perfectionist, hyperattentive to detail (a cartographer, which was perfect). Through Mom's genes I inherited great anxiety. I idolised my Dad and wanted to be like him, but I was phobic about math, money, paperwork, financial planning, etc. (He did all of it, for all of us...I wasn't empowered by being taught to manage it myself). It's been a bloody battle with myself for many years to gradually, gradually, teach myself that I can do these things without panic attacks. And I normally dealt with that anxiety through paralysis and depression. What I got out of it was,
Staying paralysed means I never risk doing anything imperfectly [and disappointing my father].
He happened to be a very sweet person who wouldn't have shamed me intentionally, but I had still internalized by osmosis the message that you don't do anything like that unless you do it compulsively and perfectly.
So that's why I thought if you looked for your own answer, or answers, to that question (just the siimple, basic emotional ones), you might possibly find some key.
Hope it's helpful, ignore if not!
Hops