couple counselling

[Anonymous]

I've just told my husband we either go for couple counselling or separate. I was crying for an hour after, but I know it is what we need at this stage and it feels like a load off.

[Portia]

Hey well done for posting here. What did he say? You want to talk about it? What do you mean “at this stage”? If he says no to counselling, are you going to separate? That seems a big stage... P

[pandora]

Just my own experience - you can see more about me on a previous thread.

We have been going to joint counseling for several months.  I am not sure if it has been useful for helping our relationship, but it did help me see that my husband truly cannot see how his words and actions affect me - no empathy.  And no remorse or perceived need for forgiveness for either his affair or his verbal abuse, as he holds me equally responsible.  In the context of the discussions we have had in our sessions, this has become obvious to me and to our therapist.  

In my experience, the focus in most of this has been on improving communication and getting each partner to spend time focusing on the other.  This is probably great advice if the main problem in your relationship is miscommunication and neglecting each other.  And that is definately the case for many people!  I hope your partner agrees, and I hope your relationship can be healed and happy.  But if not, going may at least give you more insight into what the real problems are.  

good luck!

[Anonymous]

somehow I think it is the beginning of the end, we are both beginning to realise that neither of us is likely to change positions significantly. We've each been waiting for the other to change for a long time. I have changed- but in his eyes I got worse! that is more assertive. Maybe it will help him face his disorder and get help for himself, he's terrified of asking for help. I have given the marriage every chance, and will hold on as long as I can, as you often have to when raising children together. Part of me feels I've given enough now.