JUST A QUICK THOUGHT :)

[reallyME]

If anyone reads the newspaper or gets AOL news, you might have read an article about a man who met a lady from Brazil, through a dating service on the computer.  His friends tell about how his whole personality changed, he gave up his interests, and suddenly showered this lady with gifts, only for her to complain that they were not THE BEST he could send her.

The man went out to meet with this lady- "love" several times, till finally, when he thought he was going to get married to her, his last visit was a fATAL one.  She hired her REAL boyfriend to drug this man, drain his bank accounts of thousands of dollars, and finally strangle him and burn his body.  Now, THAT...hmmm...an N gone to PSYCHOTIC?  PSYCHOPATHIC?  SOCIOPATHIC?

Just hearing more and more incidents such as this, pointing to just how messed up some people can become.

Yipes

~Laura

[Hopalong]

Yipes is right.
(Makes a dull life feel a lot more pleasant...)

shivers,
Hops

[gratitude28]

There was also the story of the woman whose nanny shook her baby and the baby has severe damage. BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS SOMEONE LEAVING A 5-DAY-OLD BABY WITH A NANNY FOR???????????? What was so important that she couldn't be with her brand-new baby? Why even have a child you won't be with?????

[Portia]

Why even have a child you won't be with?????

Because some people are ignorant, selfish and emotionally immature.
Babies as accessories and status symbols? It's a sick thing.

This might make me angry because of my childhood.

Does that mean it is okay to have babies as accessories? I guess not, not to me. That's my value system.

Am I going to do anything about it? I'm not going to act, but I will think about why it makes me angry and decide my position on it, should anyone ask me. I think that's productive, knowing my values and beliefs!

[Brigid]

I know a woman who gave birth to her second child several weeks early, requiring him to stay in the hospital until he gained weight.  She was an attorney who already had a full-time nanny for her first child.  Instead of spending time with her new baby in the hospital, she went to work and sent the nanny to be with him while the other child was in pre-school.  I heard that she only stayed home about 5 days with the first child.

To those kind of people, children are objects.  They have them as status symbols and to appear "normal" to the outside world, imo.  I don't understand why you would have a child, only to hand it off to someone else to raise.  There is so much joy from watching your child go through all the various stages of growth and development and playing an active role in supporting them through that.

Hopefully, this site or something like it will still be around when those children become adults because they're going to need it--not to mention many hours of therapy.

Brigid

[Cassieamber]

  I heard that she only stayed home about 5 days with the first child.



Brigid

Just long enough to recover from the birth and get back into human clothes.

Here having babies is becoming a major fashion accessory, especially amongst the 14-16 year olds.

Children raising children, its very sad.

[Hopalong]

Down here in the stratum that can't never afford no nannies even if we wanted,
got to put in a word for working mothers, most of whom aren't high-end lawyers...

But in the first 5 days? I agree. Compromises have to happen, not to the extent of abandoning every professional dream...but you do have to make room for that baby.

Some women truly have no choice. They may have a baby in the expectation they'll be supported and have a mate...and then, no mate...

But a lot of others just pop 'em out with little planning.

Education education education, and flexible work opportunities, and part-time possibilities, and daycare on job site so you can feed and visit your baby several times a day, at the least...

One progressive publisher I worked for had an on-site nursery and the moms were paged every time the baby woke from a nap, and never missed a feeding, and spent every lunch hour rocking their children. It may not be as perfect as staying home for a year, but for the mothers who couldn't do that, it was good.

These babies seem to be growing up happy and loved, they're not just "parked" for long days the way so many are.

Hops

[Brigid]

Sorry Hops, I wasn't speaking against working moms.  I was referring to an extreme case with a woman who thinks nothing of working 60 hours a week and letting her nanny raise her children.  I'm not sure where the dad fits in, but I think he travels a fair amount.

I appreciate that being a full-time mom is a luxury that many can't afford.  Although, my x and I lived very sparsely for many years and made many sacrifices that two income families didn't have to make so that I could be home with our kids.  I will never regret any of those sacrifices.

Obviously, kids can develop just fine when day care is necessary.  Some kids are probably better off depending on the kind of stay-at-home parent they have.

Brigid

[Hopalong]

I do know what you mean, Brigid.

Jon Stewart, I think, had some sort of a routine (I remember it foggily) on "Rainbow babies". It was a riff on Madonna's adoption of David, but I think the gist was:

Let's see, I'll have an Asian one, and then an African one, and oooh, a Native American one!

I think I have that wrong, but it's drifting around my head somewhere.

On the other hand, I have a single friend who went to Lima, Peru and adopted a baby whose biological mother lived on the garbage dump. The baby was her 5th child and she gave birth to her in an alley in Lima. The police took her to the hospital...they went through all the routines of international adoption. My friend and her mother stayed in a hotel for six weeks while the newspapers ran a notice: "Will xx and yy come to zz Hospital and claim their child." After the parents never returned, the baby was released and she brought her home. The child has grown up as the doted-on only child of a very committed Mom. She's now in college, multi-talented (writes, paints, sings) and very well-adjusted. It amazes me when I see her, I always think that with a slight shift of fate, she would have lived (for who knows how long) under the buzzards circling, trying to pick out her survival from a mountain of garbage. Horrible image, and so many children live there...

Boy do I ramble. Anyway, I guess the children in daycare that some worry about so much, are so much better off than so many children in the world. When I stayed home for six months, and then was able to work out a part-time schedule, then a FT schedule that worked around my H's shift schedule, so our baby was never without a parent for the first 3 years, I knew I was very very lucky. That said, it would've been wonderful to have pots of money so I could stay home and have another. I adore babies, and in my case, nothing about any job, ever, was more appealing.

But if I'd had more fulfilling work, I know there would have been a pull to juggle both. In my case, work was interesting for a while, but mostly drudgery. I just want to write.

We once knew a novelist who had such focus that he could write every night on a little table in the LR with his children scrambling all over. Then again, he had a wife checking on them and preparing dinner...

I want a wife!

Hops

[Brigid]

Hops,
My daughter is adopted from Korea.  Most likely, her future would have been as a prostitute on the streets at a very young age if we had not brought her into our lives.  Children in Korea who have no family have very little hope for a future.  Of course, that was 18 years ago and I think things are better now.  The cost of that adoption was also a huge financial sacrifice for us at the time.  I could not conceive a second child and I did not want my son to be an only child.  I would loved to have adopted another child, but we couldn't afford it.

Children are a blessing no matter how they come into your life.

Brigid

[moonlight52]

My littlest d was only 5 lbs when she was born and then lost little one or two Oz's .
But I could not bring her home also she was born early.
So was my twin and I my twin and I were under three pounds each.

But any way I cried all the way home and my midwife who also had hospital privileges nagged the Doctors every day to let me take her home.
I had a machine that helped me fill bottles for my milk until I could get to the hospital.(Mr moon thought this was utterly ridiculous)
I came to the hospital at 6 in the morning and stayed until seven at night when they kicked me out and
 Mr moon picked me up and cried all the way home.

The staff got so sick of me they let me take my sweetie home early.
There were other moms that had preemies that did not even come until it was time to take there little ones home.
I would have slept on the floor by my little moonlet's crib if they would have let me....................

[Hopalong]

Brig,
People like you are blessings, too. Wow.
In fulfilling your wish for your son, look what you gave to your daughter.
Lucky, lucky kids.

Hops

[Hopalong]

(((((((((((((Moon-mom, Mr. Moon,Moonlets and Moonbeams))))))))))))))

[moonlight52]

Brigid and Hops

That is so cool my oldest d wants to have one bio baby and adopt a baby but we do not know much about adoption .
She does have a good guy now and he gave her a ring and they are happy.

Brigid that is so wonderful to adopt what a wonderful life you have given.
Adoption is something my d really wants to do as well as having her bio kids .
my d loves kids It is good to see her with children she was an nanny for a while.
What a great mom she will be.
and omg that will make me a grand mama some day

much love
moon

[Brigid]

Hops and Moon,
So many times I have heard what a wonderful thing I did by adopting my daughter, but I have never looked at it that way.  She was truly a gift from God who was meant to be raised in our family.  My d has never wanted to talk much about her birth situation, but I have always told her that her birth mom made the biggest sacrifice a mother could ever make, by giving her daughter a chance at a normal life, which she never could have had in her native country.

I plan to take her back to So. Korea some day and explore the birth records which are kept in the orphanage in Seoul (you cannot see them any other way than in person).  The nice thing for her too is that in our extended family (actually not mine anymore as they are my ex's cousins), there are 3 other Asian girls--one other from Korea and 2 from China.

BTW, she has also always been the perfect child.  Aside from a few tantrums during tired times during the toddler years, she has never given me one minute of trouble.  She has always been a good student, her teachers always adored her, she has a lovely group of friends, and she is absolutely drop dead gorgeous with a body to match.  Mind you, I am not pregidous one bit, but unfortunately, I cannot take any credit for the brains or the beauty.

Moon--like you, if I had had a baby in the hospital, they would have had to pry me loose with a crow bar to get me to leave his or her side.

Love,

Brigid