Just my own experience - you can see more about me on a previous thread.
We have been going to joint counseling for several months. I am not sure if it has been useful for helping our relationship, but it did help me see that my husband truly cannot see how his words and actions affect me - no empathy. And no remorse or perceived need for forgiveness for either his affair or his verbal abuse, as he holds me equally responsible. In the context of the discussions we have had in our sessions, this has become obvious to me and to our therapist.
In my experience, the focus in most of this has been on improving communication and getting each partner to spend time focusing on the other. This is probably great advice if the main problem in your relationship is miscommunication and neglecting each other. And that is definately the case for many people! I hope your partner agrees, and I hope your relationship can be healed and happy. But if not, going may at least give you more insight into what the real problems are.
good luck!