The N and the phone

[liberty]

How do I get this woman to stop calling me?
She calls me every day!
No hello, no how are you?
She just says "yeah" and then continues with all the things she wants to say.

Her favourite topics are how hard she's worked, how great she is,
How special her needs must be.
And if i say I'm working she says
"Oh I see you have no time for me".

Don't I have the right to privacy,
The right to be left alone.
Instead I live my life
Cringing at the phone.

I never ever call her.
You'd think she'd get a clue.
I feel as though I'm drowning.
I don't know what else I can do.

She'll never ever quit,
She'll hound me to the end.
I will even pay,
To get her a boyfriend.

I know you'll say that I should come straight
And tell her to leave me alone.
But I don't think it'll work. She'll wait a while.....
And then call me on the phone.

She'll act as if nothing happened,
As though nothing is wrong.
No matter how uninterested I sound,
I cannot wear her down.

And then I feel so guilty,
like I'm treating her so bad
But this is the worst relationship
I know I ever had.

I listen and I listen.
I listen though I grunt
I am the greatest audience
A Nmom could ever want

I'm coming to the end.
I'm asking what to do.
I know that some of you here
Have once walked inside this shoe.

liberty





I really want to say "SHUT UP" i've heard enough from you

 it makes me enraged! You don't care about me, about how I feel

[Gaining Strength]

clap, clap, clap
bravo, bravo, bravo
excellent poem.   - email it.

GS

[Dazed1]

Hi Liberty,

I am not laughing at your pain or frustration, but you really cracked me up with your wonderful poem.

Love the first stanza, especially:

"No hello, no how are you?
She just says "yeah"

Guess she's the toxic queen.

Suggestion:  get caller id and do not pick up when she calls and do not call her back.  Perhaps this is immature and passive aggressive of me to suggest, but sounds like it's not worth being honest with her because as you state:

"I never ever call her.
You'd think she'd get a clue."

Sounds like she may never get a clue and I assume it will be very draining and frustrating to try to give her a clue.

Good luck,
dazed

[gratitude28]

Wow,
My mother never calls me (claims it's too expensive) but if I don't keep in contact (especially if she finds herself lonely) then I am a bad daughter for moving away and leaving her and I only did it because I am selfish. No matter what I have done with my life, I have been selfish...

Love, Beth

ps - nice poem

[Stormchild]

GREAT POEM!!!!

You should send it to Sting -- he has the same problem!

"Mother"

"Well, the telephone is ringing,
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?
The telephone is screaming
Oh won't she leave me alone?
The telephone is ringing
Is that my mother on the phone?

Well every girl that I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Every girl I go out with
Becomes my mother in the end
Well, I hear my mother calling
But I don't need her as a friend

Oh, Oh mother

Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me
Oh mother dear please listen
Don't devour me
Oh women please have mercy
Just let this poor boy be
Oh mother dear please listen
And don't devour me...."

Truly truly great poem... 

But I'm sorry you have to live it.

[tony001]

Such a searing question and so eloquently put,
I feel I have an answer for that shoe is on my foot.

I get the call as well, the call I cannot stand.
I must pick up the phone yet I have another hand.

I point my bony finger from the hand that is free,
and place it on the lever, the one above the "3".

I don't say "good-bye" or even say "shut up",
I simply press the lever and HANG THE MOTHER UP!

[SilverLining]

There have been times in my life I thought about becoming Amish or volunteering to work on the Antarctic research  station in order to avoid telephone contact with some of my FOO.   But those are just external solutions and can't possibly make any difference.  Seems to me the guilt feelings are the key.  Why do we feel we have to put up with this kind of one sided conversation?


For me, recognizing the guilt feelings as a programmed response has been a way to get out of the vicious cycle.  I have a right to decide how best to spend my time, and most often it doesn't involve listening to narcissists drone on about themselves.   

 

[liberty]

Thank you all for your comments and wonderful poems. The phone calls continue but I am installing caller ID soon. Will keep you all posted.

Lib

[gratitude28]

You know what my phone calls to my parents have become... a time to clean out the junk drawers... I don't call nearly as often (what's the point), maybe twice a month. It goes the same way every time. "Oh, (insert annoying pet name she knows I hate)," said in an incredulous tone of voice, like she hasn't heard from me in twenty years. And then it's the same conversation we've had a hundred times over. So now I clean the drawers, the fridge, etc. I am doing my duty (relieves any shred of guilt I might have) and I get something done. You know, I think the fact that they don't call me is a "punishment" for moving far away... I would bet everything I own that they could get a plan that would be cheaper to call me than to call my sister who lives in another county. And they call her multiple times a day. I guess I should be grateful I am just feeling pissy and this topic brought up some more of the inequities and attempts at shaming by my FOO...

Awesome poems, I must say again...

Love, Beth