DeCluttering: Inspiration, Success Stories, Tips

[Hopalong]

I really do feel unhappy about my clutter.
I'm not talking about creativity debris or evidence of activity.

My clutter is more evidence of INactivity, not grasping my life, not taking care of self or space.

But I understand that it is affecting me this way because I'm me...and the same level of disorder might be a cheerful dynamic setting for someone else.

For me, it's not a happy thing. I have too much in my head, and paperwork in particular -- unsorted and undealt with -- feels like a hazard. It actually is.

I know the tricks and techniques and logics behind organization. I think NOT doing it, is my problem.
Part ADD, part overwhelment, working too hard, and partly...just checking out of my life instead of taking care of it.

Working too much, too much stress with D, etc, etc.

Hops

[Meh]

I really do feel unhappy about my clutter.
I'm not talking about creativity debris or evidence of activity.

My clutter is more evidence of INactivity, not grasping my life, not taking care of self or space.

But I understand that it is affecting me this way because I'm me...and the same level of disorder might be a cheerful dynamic setting for someone else.

For me, it's not a happy thing. I have too much in my head, and paperwork in particular -- unsorted and undealt with -- feels like a hazard. It actually is.

I know the tricks and techniques and logics behind organization. I think NOT doing it, is my problem.
Part ADD, part overwhelment, working too hard, and partly...just checking out of my life instead of taking care of it.

Working too much, too much stress with D, etc, etc.

Hops

Hey, Hops,

Just look around and pick out one thing right now that does not enhance your life or isn't a vital record. Then throw it away.

I had an antique lamp that my mother gave me, a bolt of electricity came out of it and shocked me, a piece of the metal on the lamp exploded.
After I was shocked I thought: This is some piece of historical significance, how can I throw it away?

I struggled with throwing away an antique gift.

Then I took it out back with a written caution sign on it and it dissapeared.

I don't miss it.


I have six+ boxes of paper work that I'm working on. SLOWLY but I'm gonna get there!

I think I have thrown away 3 paper bags full of paper work and there is still more? It doesn't look like a dent but I know that eventually it will be improved.

The other thing is maybe it would help to go out to a lookout-vantage point of some beautiful view before doing some decluttering, this helps me!
The more time I spend with my clutter the harder it is for me to take action, my perspective becomes the same size as my apartment.

If I do something that changes my perspective, figuratively or literally- well that helps me a little at least!!

[sKePTiKal]

Oh HOPS.... I know, I agonized about how my post might bounce off of you! (and wrote it 3 times)

I do know that feeling of the walls (and piles) crushing in on me - it's like I can't even breathe - and then I get angry (ok, it's not even that official; more like petty bitchy...) and then I kick myself for letting hubby distract me (again) by going out and having a bit of fun instead of creating "order" out of chaos.... I can't even blame him (tho' god knows, I try) deep down; it's all my fault, you know?

... it's almost like hearing my Nmom in my head, telling me: NO.... you can't go out and play - go to your room and don't come out until it's CLEAN and only I know when it's CLEAN... or then, because I did "sneak" out to play - adding more jobs to my "LIST TO DO"... as a punishment... or being tasked with picking up after my brother who "wouldn't do a good job" (injustice!! how's he going to learn??? and then the whining..................................it's not FAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRR!)

And I so hate filing. We've tried everything - baskets of old bills to be entered into software and then "to be filed". A basket for shredding. House & furniture & recipes baskets of magazines & catalogs - ideas. M's magazines & papers that proliferate throughout the house on any flat surface - that he's looked at for 5 seconds and is saving for "someday"..... sigh. And his other "excuse" is that he prints out or saves things to share with me (bigger SIGH and how pass-aggress is that?!)... so I said, OK - put all that stuff you want me to look at HERE (which is right above where we recycle paper).

And NO.... there's not enough time. It comes in faster than I can get rid of it. So, I keep looking for compromises.... flat surfaces seem like territory I can claim or make "off limits" for stacks. Finding a place to put important things so that when I can finally address that stack - or unexpectedly "need it" - I can find it. And I'm slowly realizing that M simply doesn't have the ability to sort or group "likes" together.... to him, the cereal box cars are just as important and "neat" as his more valuable tiny trains... especially, when he adds in the pressure of a limited time-frame - the inner "ticking clock" causes some neural process to fall apart & cease to be able to cope with the task at hand.... and then he reaches out for something else to turn his attention to.... and that's usually me. And the expressed reason is that he's "lonely". He doesn't have anyone to talk to - he's more concerned with what I want; how I want a space to be organized or my help in sorting... he says he's afraid of "doing it wrong".

When I point out that I've never criticized "how" he's done something (which is one of my inner "buttons") - that it's someone else he's still fearing... it goes nowhere. It doesn't connect to anything... we're still working on it and making slow progress. The ironic (semi-serious??) joke is that he's afraid I'll divorce him because of all his "junk"... right. I have always told him that there are worse things that his "junk" - and I know what they are; he ISN'T that! (again - the false "stuff" = "me" equation).

And yet - on the flip side of that - when MIL was showing me her lovingly handmade baby clothes, wedding dress, quilt - it was pretty smack-upside-the head clear to me that this "stuff" WAS a part of her. But in a good way, you know? That's the best I can describe that paradox... how DO "THINGS" assume value? Does having the experience of serious loss in one's life affect that? Is there any value in preserving and passing on "things"??? (she asks, sitting on a handmade oak chair that came via boat to the US from Switzerland in the late 1800s.....).

Maybe if we can see this whole clutter issue more objectively - less personally, in my case - we'll pick up some more clues about how this paradox works and where facing it & taking action and time to address it can make an impact and generate momentum..... I am pretty sure that there is some emotional core "nut" to crack about this, after being on a lot of different sides of this "problem". I have my own clutter; my own "stuff" that only means something to me and has no inherent value; other people's "stuff" totally gets on my nerves - I truly do feel as if it's some kind of boundary violation, suffocating me, at it's worst; and I've taken on my Nmom's 3 floors of floor to ceiling stuffed hoarded stuff... been the unasked for recipient of boxes of her "stuff" that she thinks I want...and have gleefully taken it right to the curb immediately... I swear there's some power trip hidden in all our different perspectives of "stuff", you know?????

[Portia]

I found this article gave some perspective about what clutter means:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/apr/17/diana-athill-move-old-peoples-home

and i find that considering death and impermanence can help.

As for other people's stuff, if I don't like where it is, I say so, then move it, but I have very little to 'put up with' in that sense. I guess my saving factor is that I know what all the 'stuff' is and it can stay where it is - it doesn't impact my day to day life. And as for the important day to day stuff - I don't put it 'away for later' - I deal with it.

I try not to touch any incoming post more than once. It's a good habit to get into I found.

[Meh]

Last night, I laid on the dusty wooden floor, let out a bone tired moan, looked up at the ceiling and gazed at the bald light bulb way up there thinking about the stars on the other side, the expansive feeling. With all six of my boxes surrounding sprawled-out-me on the floor, I laughed a crazy one in the middle of the night, didn't sleep, stayed up through dawn. DUSTY boxes, with HORIZONTAL layers of employee benefits that are no longer available to me, yet they all have my personal info on them so the INDIVIDUAL sheets one-by-one require scrutiny. Tax documents sandwiched between furniture manuals, bags of receipts containing odd shaped screws. Unrequited travel plans meticulously scrawled out on yellow sheets that I want to hold to my heart.
Names of "pals" I wish I would accidentally run into but dare not contact so many years later. It's an excavation. Two year old "new age" advice that apparently hasn't permeated that delineation between thought and actualization. Lists of prescriptions I should remember to fill but haven't since I don't have the money and I seem to be surviving without them, the damage is done. I emerged with one half sack of non-confidential throwaway stuff from my boxes then I grabbed drawings and color experiments folded them neatly japanese-like to fill the rest of the sack.  

'Art Supplies - Fart Supplies"

I evaluate each sheet by some undefined rules EACH and EVERY SHEET EVALUATED as if it actually matters..but possibly it doesn't matter. Then I clarify in my mind the rules of paper disposal, I wonder if my new rules are too harsh. I eye a gift cook book, sitting on a shelf across the room with a grudge. My papers tell me I can be captain of my own ship if only I concentrated my intention as if the intention is a wind in the corporeal world that will blow the sails. A vague and windy world. Strategic action plans made 2 and 4 years ago, no matter how I splice the words it wasn't the fate.

I see a spider on that guys hoodie, I think about telling him, I think about throwing paper wads at him but no the spider is not a spider.

I still have 5.5 boxes to audit. I am the assessor. I will find all documentation deficiencies in all critical areas. I will dominate these boxes, I will dominate these stratifications of hardcopy memory. I will ruthlessly update my records.

If my paperworks could speak they would say "I was going to say something important but I can't remember what it was."



PS: Hops, Guess what? I found a $20 bill folded up in some filed receipts! There's some motivation for you! There could be money in that paper pile!!!

[Hopalong]

Oh, y'all.

There ain't no clutter on this BOARD, I'll tell you that!

Thank you. Totally hugful thank you.

Want to hear a funny...ahh, coincidence?
After reading your wonderful replies in mid-day and kind of rushing off to another topic thread, hmmm, just didn't want to really take this one in, let'sgoreadaboutsomebodyelseHops...I go home and BLAST through all the current pile, get them suckers written, stamped, recorded and paid and driven DIreckly to the P.O. this a.m....and short on sleep or not, I felt GREAT.

Ehh? See what you do??????????

love love love and thank you for
CB, boxes
PR, loving your hoardyhubby
Portia, the gifts of death and impermanence
TT, warning re. the Global Cat Domination
Helen, your dazzling, dazzling writing

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooo
A tired but less cluttered
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

more humor:

after writing all that yesterday, I was so "fired up" I launched it all on hubby! I felt like I was "going where no man has gone before" and was going to unlock the deep dark secrets of "stuff"....

well - after adjusting his totally blown back hair (remember the old audio ads??) - he played along for a little while and while it really didn't go anywhere, it did completely change our ability to talk - and laugh - about the "stuff". Turns out the secret is:


it's just stuff!




This whole retirement thing - with him being around 24/7 - LORD, there's a lot of learning going on from both sides....

Hops - you're welcome - anytime! I think maybe I'm finding a funny bone I didn't know I had and it might just be useful.

[Hopalong]

CB, I wanted to thank you too, for hearing the feelings I was having.
Just letting "I hear you" sink in for a moment...then visualizing you setting a place to honor the sunset...that freed a bit of calm to float in me too. I was sharing your peace. Thank you.

PR...blown-back hair? And still makes you laugh?
That's a keeper.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

And...new interim minister (just one person, this time, a woman who appears very nice from her site) is coming to look at my little rental wing next week. Today, I have a hired (!!!) cleaning lady coming to attack the first floor and hopefully give a great (if somewhat false) impression...

I really hope the minster takes it. Only issue is whether she'd be happy sharing a kitchen. I hope so! Otherwise I'll be renting to a stranger which is a bit more complicated, since I can't issue a formal lease....estate being in limbo and all that, it really has to be a "housemates' understanding."

But this is the clutter thread. I'm feeling a bit better about it but want to keep the awareness going.

I have been getting organized, and have a big deadline coming, so it will help to have the desk clear for the writing, and maybe the assignment won't be as stressful this time, if I don't feel as though my paperwork is going to fall around my head.

I'm also going to try to get exercise, even a little, every morning, and go to bed earlier. Really focus on being in balance for a while.

Head clutter, heart clutter.

love
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Ya know... I think there's something to the idea of "order (and peace, calm) out of chaos" that's really appealing (and maybe sometimes seems unattainable) - to me, anyway - when you grow up in a FOO that thrives on drama, chaos, violence or just plain "gotcha" mentality.

It's absurd, when I look at how easy it is to become programmed (conditioned via environment) to expect every single thing that happens - whether it's dust, ideas, statements by people in power, or even just typical life accidents - to be fraught with really high levels of anxiety, dread, out & out fear, or sysisphean burden and immobilization. Some of us succumb to this belief in "that the way it is" and some of us are like the little Dutch boy - constantly trying to hold back a flood of chaos. When I can convince myself that this isn't worth it... I find out that "flood" is really just a trickle and the chaos never really comes. For me, anyway.

Not for my FOO - but that's another thread.

Here's something to add to your peace & calm picture Hops... hubby's daughter and a friend are visiting and they brought their little ones. M has a grandson and the other babe is a sweet flirty little girl. They're both around 2 - and neither are "terrible". Just sitting around relaxing and playing, her mom was teaching her the word "happy"... are you happy, A? And she'd repeat, "happy"....

It struck me that something this simple could've made a profound difference, if it was a game I'd played as a tot, you know? Shouldn't we have commercials and media and music that simply offer the question: are you happy? and then point us in the direction to be, feel that along with everything else?? As a balm; as order out of chaos?

[Hopalong]

No kiddin', PR...

HAPPY to hear that story! I love thinking of those little puds, content to use their voices...

Just being taught--early--lots of words to describe our emotions...like in a big box of Crayons--so many shades.

Yes yes. That's what kids need to be taught!
    * absorbed
    * abusive
    * accepting
    * accommodating
    * accomplished
    * adaptable
    * adversarial
    * aggressive
    * agreeable
    * alert
    * altruistic
    * analytical
    * angry
    * annoyed
    * antagonistic
    * anxious
    * approved of
    * arrogant
    * ashamed
    * authentic
    * balanced
    * beautiful
    * belligerent
    * bereft
    * bitter
    * bored
    * brave
    * broken down
    * bullied
    * calm
    * chaotic
    * cheerful
    * cold
    * commanding
    * compassionate
    * competitive
    * complaining
    * conceited
    * condemned
    * confident
    * conflicted
    * confused
    * conservative
    * content
    * controlled
    * controlling
    * cooperative
    * courageous
    * cowardly
    * creative
    * critical
    * cruel
    * curious
    * defeated
    * deluded
    * demanding
    * dependent
    * depressed
    * desperate
    * destitute
    * destructive
    * detached
    * dignified
    * disconnected
    * discouraged
    * disgusted
    * dominated
    * dominating
    * eccentric
    * ecstatic
    * egocentric

   

    * egotistical
    * empathic
    * empowered
    * envious
    * erratic
    * excited
    * expressive
    * extroverted
    * fair
    * faithful
    * fearful
    * frightened
    * frustrated
    * glad
    * good
    * grateful
    * greedy
    * grieving
    * guilty
    * happy
    * harmonizing
    * hatred
    * helpful
    * helpless
    * hesitant
    * hopeless
    * idealistic
    * ignorant
    * impatient
    * important
    * impoverished
    * impulsive
    * indifferent
    * individualistic
    * inert
    * insecure
    * insensitive
    * inspired
    * in service
    * interested
    * intolerant
    * introspective
    * invulnerable
    * irresponsible
    * irritated
    * isolated
    * jealous
    * joyful
    * judged
    * judgmental
    * lazy
    * likable
    * lively
    * lonely
    * lost
    * loved
    * loving
    * mad
    * manipulated
    * manipulative
    * mediating
    * miserable
    * mistrusting
    * moody
    * moral
    * negative
    * noble
    * obsessed
    * open
    * panicked
    * paranoid

   

    * passionate
    * passive
    * peaceful
    * perfectionist
    * pitiful
    * pleased
    * poor
    * possessive
    * powerful
    * practical
    * preoccupied
    * procrastinating
    * proud
    * punished
    * punishing
    * purposeful
    * rage
    * reactionary
    * reclusive
    * rejected
    * rejoicing
    * repressed
    * resentful
    * resigned
    * resistant
    * responsible
    * ridiculous
    * righteous
    * ruthless
    * sad
    * sadistic
    * secretive
    * selfish
    * self-accepting
    * self-condemning
    * self-defeating
    * self-destructive
    * self-hatred
    * self-obsessed
    * self-pity
    * self-sabotaging
    * sensitive
    * serene
    * shamed
    * shut-down
    * shy
    * sorry
    * stable
    * stimulated
    * stricken
    * strung-out
    * stubborn
    * superior
    * tantrums
    * timid
    * tolerant
    * unconcerned
    * understanding
    * unforgiving
    * unhappy
    * unresponsive
    * untrusting
    * vain
    * vengeance
    * vicious
    * victimized
    * violent
    * visionary
    * well-meaning
    * wise
    * withdrawn
    * worthy
love,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

HA! Love your list...

for me - it's more than just the words to describe the emotions: it's the permission to feel and practice feeling and expressing and belief in - the emotions themselves. For most people, all those words are all there! For me, the "nice" ones simply weren't - and it was dangerous, except in certain prescribed dances of doom with the N, to even point out that they were real.

A favorite prof used to say that "Puritanism = the fear that somebody, somewhere might be happy"... and I think many N's or PD's believe the same thing.

[Hopalong]

Back to clutter topic...

I am readying myself for an intense weekend, with really only one free day (required dadblasted company picnic will eat Sunday)...

I need to:
continue paper control
complete budget spreadsheet (makes my brain hurt)
filefilefile

And then write like a demon on my freelance thing, as if I don't get in a solid day of it, the panic will build again just like it did before the last deadline.

So that's my decluttering goal for this w/e--continue paper control. Don't get distracted. Stay on task.

love,
Hops

[Hopalong]

Bravo, Nikko! Throw that clutter HERE!

When you write down a description of what it is, it seems so...well, whatever it was was just an object, wasn't it. Does it help to see how you wrote, "a teapot"? A teapot is gone from your space. And you are richer by the amount of space it once took up.

Throw away on, donate on, declutter on.

It's helped me too, to be noting both the struggle and the progress here. That's what this thread is for, for anybody.

House is infinitely better after a day and a half of expensive help that was worth more to me than groceries (not that I'm short of those). It feels lighter, the floor isn't gritty under my feet. Things kind of glow. Don't know how I'll maintain it, but the woman I found was amazing, wonderful, incredibly meticulous, and brought me fresh eggs from her chickens.

I cannot possibly live the heading-toward-upper-middle-class life my mother did, with "hired help" all the time. But now and then, for these things I just couldn't do while working a job and a half...it has been worth it. I had to calculate how I would earn triple what I'd spend per hour by doing this freelancing, and then just figured for things I could not avoid (like mold remediation, foundation repair, lawn cutting which my back won't do, and this emergency, pre-new-tenant cleaning) -- it has been worth it. (Also a BIG reminder of how complex running a house would be if I did own it and have no help, as opposed to a little townhouse for example. So that's good to put in my pipe and smoke too...when the time comes to reconsider the question, that data will be in my mind...) I'll recoup some of the repairs outlay though, whenever it's settled.

So I feel less cluttered and I have finished one article today despite the stupid company picnic, and am about to start cranking the next.

Onward, before I ADD myself off the task again...

xo,

Hops

[Hopalong]

YARD SALE IS OVER.

Aaaaaggghh. Dunno if I made much, haven't added it all up. But it's done and a whole lot of junk is GONE! Sold about half of it, and all the rest was just enough to fill the back of my van. Straight to Goodwill with that, and celebrated with pizza with my paid helper-friend (who was an hour late).

Really difficult and unpleasant --the anticipation much worse than the doing, of course--and I wish I had included a whole lot of things I thought about afterward. But it wasn't nothing. It got done. Whew and whew and whew.

(It really kind of amazes people what people will buy. An old pressure cooker missing the jiggy-lid thing. Cracked terracotta pots.)

Also amazed me some of what I let go of. A painting my great-aunt did. Large, a treacly subject matter, but well executed. Let it go for $10. Huge set of qood-quality steel patio furniture (kept one small curved bench for the future tiny deck or whatever). All the antique silver plate at about 50 cents per piece. (One man came up and muttered, "those people are dealers" about the couple who bought it. Heck, I don't care who they were.)

The details don't matter but it is a big relief. I still have a lot of things to sort through and more to let go of. But I realize I've accomplished something.

Clutter and stuff, clutter and stuff. Organizing, letting go.

Still a big struggle and still layered with all kinds of anxiety and resistance. It's not the letting go as much as the sorting-preparing-gathering-organizing-deciding-pricing that I found the hardest.

Got some insights on how I yearned for a companion to do it with. How sometimes "not cleaning up my room" is because I'm waiting for the fairy sister I always yearned for to be in my room with me and yak and laugh while we go through junk.

Anybody want to talk about clutter some more?

xxoo
Hops