Hi Seasons,
This is hard to share, but with one particular friend for various anxiety and Nspot reasons, I became a horrible voice hog. Part of it was that she is an extreme introvert and I'm the opposite. I filled every silence. I cared about her and she shared many personal things, so it wasn't quite that simiple.
But what I was going to say was she ended our friendship. It was painful but oddly enough, I sort of agreed with her. I think we weren't a good fit as friends. We couldn't balance out together...she brought out my anxious clutchy trait and I brought out her mean streak. I was hurt for a while but later on, realized she had just told her own truth. She didn't feel good around me, and wasn't enjoying our friendship, so she made the choice.
You have every right to write your friend (here I go writing dialogue, please ignore what isnt helpful):
Dear ____,
I appreciate your good intentions and I'm sorry to backtrack, but I prefer not to get together. I have been doing some personal work, and one result is that I'm learning it's okay for me to decide not to pursue a friendship if it's not working for me.
It's truly not about you personally--I know with someone where there's mutual comfort and compatibility, there could be a fine friendship. But for me, with us, I'm not feeling what I'd need to feel to go further. We're not the right fit, but I do wish you much warm friendship in your life.
Please know that I do not want to hurt your feelings, but if I have, I hope it passes soon.
I wish you every good thing for the coming new year and all those ahead.
Or something like that, in Seasons' language?
I wonder what it would feel like to actually do this, to give yourself that permission. (Then I'd strongly advise quickly doing Block Sender, so if she responds with N-ish anger, you can choose intentionally not to read it. If you want.)
Vicariously, but hope it helps...
Hops