Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Letting go of Mom although the issue of inheritance niggles.
Flo:
Anastasia, Okay. Duh, sorry I didn't know!!!!!!! No problem about your explanation, of course. I agree about Discounted Girl!
Love,
Flo
Anastasia:
Thanks for the chuckle, Flo. Guess that did sound harsh, but didn't really mean it that way. Just trying not to hog the board with my crap.
REALLY did not mean to insult you, but I have to admit I am cackling some at this desk....and, man, I needed that laugh.
Best to you!!!
Anastasia :D
Wildflower:
As long as explanations are in order, I just want to apologize to both Flo and Anastasia for - ahem - being heavy on the 'advice'. Better for me to sort out my own crap for a while :wink:
Anastasia:
For so many of us here, you will find that you float in and out of here probably. Or, at least, I do.
I was away from my totally Nmother for 21 years. Most of those years there was hardly any contact except for cards and a few gifts at holidays. No phone calls, she would not visit and I couldn't visit her and her husband, etc., etc. (I have no desire to take up valuable board space going over stuff I already have talked about.)
Anyway, I was so blown away by what a narcissist she is that for the first couple months of coming back I did more work here. It helped immensely just to have somewhere to spout off: trust me, nobody but NOBODY but another person who was raised by a narcissist would understand--or believe--how totally selfish and fucked up they are. This board really helped me understand alot.
I have adjusted and relaxed. But, once in awhile, I come back for a refresher or--if she has driven me up the wall and I have let her get to me--to yell and scream here again.
You, too, will probably cycle in and out. I have seen this with others who have been here longer than I, and it is very NORMAL.
:wink:
Anonymous:
Flo,
I read the story about the incident at the jazz club. Here is my impression. Your sister is very, very immature. She is like a 13 year old in an adult body. I think she will use adolescent methods of manipulation, insincerity, two-facedness, etc., to get her way. My bet is that she needs to be "the popular girl" and does whatever she can to maintain this self-image.
I think at the club, she was embarrassed and guilty, and tried to repair the damage in a clumsy and manipulative way. The other couple also tried to repair the damage although it wasn't their responsibility. Perhaps they felt critical of your sister and resentful of being put into an awkward situation by her.
I guess your sister doesn't yet know how to repair damage. She does it in a self-involved and manipulative way, like she basically wants to be "given a pass" on her behavior. It's good that you aren't doing it. Your boyfriend seems like a great guy, also.
As for your sister seeing your therapist with you, here are some concerns. Did you ask your therapist about seeing your sister? Some therapists would not agree to this for various reasons. It would be extremely threatening for your sister to come to *your* therapist who is on your side (this is ethically and professionally the therapist's position). No matter how much you assure her otherwise, she has every reason to be threatened by it. You could both go to a therapist who hasn't seen either of you before. It would be great if you two could see a therapist together, but a lot of people feel extremely ashamed and terrified of seeing a therapist and just won't do it.
bunny
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