Author Topic: life comes full circle....  (Read 2147 times)

WRITE

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life comes full circle....
« on: December 15, 2006, 05:37:20 PM »
it's interesting how life comes full circle.

Some of you may remember a couple of years ago the guy who told me in no uncertain terms he does not desire my friendship etc and then he married a good friend of mine. Well she and I have stayed close and I went to dinner with them last week.

It was interesting, he couldn't have been more charming and welcoming, and I was able to be gracious in response. And a cathartic experience too, going back and being more present in the moment I can enjoy what it's showing me.

I can see why we clashed- he is quite manic and needs centre-stage the whole time, also he's had an interesting full life and sort-of lectures a little. And I respond badly to that and I was terribly manic when we argued and refused to back off.

Most interesting was I had no particular expectations about outcomes- no idea if we will become friends again or what he thinks of me etc and it sort-of doesn't matter. I was happy it pleased his wife to see us both making an effort but I was only prepared to be myself too and

For the first time in a long time I am content to see what evolves and not worried. Que sera sera....goodness I sing that loads at work!

I guess I have been trying to control things for so long and this is what it feels like to completely let go of that- it's like a weight off.

I've been feeling the same about church and work too- if it doesn't work out I'll go do something else instead....probably won't even waste too much time grieving either.

This feels so light and fresh to me after all these years of worry and being bogged down with how will other people react to me, trying to stay in control of myself and the situations I'm in.

I'm not responding so much any more to things which feel a bit hurtful or rejecting- it's like the old wounds have healed somewhere.

I'll save one of my work colleagues behaviour for another post, I want to go play Monopoly with my son, he doesn't have anyone to play with tonight.

Hope everyone is ok

~W
« Last Edit: December 15, 2006, 05:39:56 PM by WRITE »

CB123

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2006, 08:47:21 PM »
Yay, yay, yaaaaaay, Write!  :lol:

Good for you! 

I know just how GOOD that felt. 

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

Hopalong

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2006, 09:45:26 PM »
Ooo Write, I know what you mean.
You come up against a place where you once were stuck and all of a sudden you feel a different door opening, see it from a new angle and not because you're trying to force yourself to but because you DO.

It feels so good to bump into a benchmark. And see your growth is umistakably real.

Good for you!

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

Gaining Strength

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2006, 09:48:09 AM »
WRITE - what a magnificent experience!! So freeing and filled with hope for the future.  Sign of a huge hurdle of healing.

What great news for us all!!!! - your dear friend - Gaining Strength

moonlight52

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2006, 12:09:12 PM »
Write ,

This is what it is all about .................................................



it's interesting how life comes full circle.
I'm not responding so much any more to things which feel a bit hurtful or rejecting- it's like the old wounds have healed somewhere.

~W

Love to you

moon

seasons

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2006, 10:20:20 PM »
Write,

I am so thrilled for you. How peaceful and calming surrounding you, I can feel it and see it.

Hugs of joy...... to sweet, strong, kind ((((((((((((((Write))))))))))))))) seasons




"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak Kindly. Leave the Rest to God."
Maya Angelou

WRITE

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2006, 06:01:24 PM »
Thanks Seasons, Moon, GS, CB123, Hops.

It's interesting, I am so much calmer this past few weeks, if something horrible happens I feel down for a while and then get over it. Things still play on my mind a bit like the co-worker who seems to be sabotaging one of my projects, after acting like my friend for some time...but even that I think she will be fired and she's just thrashing around because of that.

Very little is truly personal when it comes down to it, isn't it?

Last night I got the post-concert blues, you know after the big high of the concert and all, I went home and coloured my hair and made dinner and watched a tv show. It was all so calm and what I think is 'normal'...that's what I was thinking, 'oh, this is so normal...'!

Something that has solidified in me over the past few weeks is a sense of I am the same no matter what happens. There's a core part of me which stays calm and together even when my son and ex are being difficult....

and I am so enjoying living alone for that, to have a calm retreat place to be where I can stay stable.

I am looking forward to having a relationship though too- one with no games where we can both be ourselves and enjoy things.

Almost there....

 :)

I don't get much computer time so I am not on the board enough to fully read and comment on much. My computer should be fixed by New Year.

Thinking about you all though and hoping everyone is ok, I know the holidays can be really tough.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))




Gaining Strength

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2006, 06:52:35 PM »
WRITE - what glorious news.

Quote
Something that has solidified in me over the past few weeks is a sense of I am the same no matter what happens. There's a core part of me which stays calm and together even when my son and ex are being difficult....

This is where I aim to be, so glad you have found it now. - GS

Hopalong

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2006, 06:51:50 AM »
MUCH flipper-smacking to you, Write!
You are contained in yourself...that is very lovely.

What a gift. For you from you.
I'm so glad your new place has become a nest.

Thanks for the happy news!

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

WRITE

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Re: life comes full circle....
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2006, 11:25:51 AM »
this week's been a big test, the holidays are the worst time for my family.

The arguing has been pretty positive though, everyone stayed in their place and held their ground! Ex and I have just had a conversation about how we're not on the same page.

After he said last night I set the tone for our family! I said how can I when you won't go along with any of my values....

Yet again went off out with a nice guy who then talked about another woman who he's had a crush on; this happens to me a lot, I must have a sympathetic way or something because believe me I really am tired of men not seeing me as a relationship material more like some kind of counsellor!

As I am typing I am smiling, but it does sort-of shake me up about all those years of rejection in my marriage and I find myself looking in the mirror and thinking what's wrong with me? I don't look any different from anyone else...do I have some secret ugliness or something....

Today I have cancelled my luncheon plans, I just can't face rushing around my alarm system malfunctioned in the night so I got little sleep and my son got upset and we had to rush for school, plus he has holiday party later....

It feels really weird sometimes to say no and just do what I know is the best thing not keep pushing myself though. I've been racing around all week trying to be all things to all people....no idea why I fall into that pattern.

Struggling to keep to my weight loss plans- there's so much unhealthy food around, so I am trying to eat super-healthy before then I'll take a day off and eat whatever I want on Christmas. I have stuck to the daily exercise routine, a swim is so calming at the end of the day too.

I guess it's all a process....but I think things are much better than last Christmas and the ones before.

Love to everyone.