One small boundary

[gratitude28]

Hi Jade,
I understand your first story and that you were annoyed by the ladies in the elevator (kind of dumb to ask if you had pressed the button unless you seem totally dimwitted, eh???). However, I have a few questions about the poetry story... Did you not want to be bothered at all? If so, why write in a public place where you had an "aquaintance." Also, if she is aquainted with you, perhaps she would like to be friends and was looking for an opener with you. I am not sure I understand the point of your story. Were you saying you were annoyed with her?
Just wanted to clarify!
Congrats on making personal progress.
Love, Beth

[Jade]

Hi Izzy:
Sorry that you felt embarrassed about making the beef stew. I hope your husband and brother-in-law were nice about the situation. I think I understand your feelings -- were you taught that any clash, conflict or problem was your fault? Were you taught that it was your job to fill everyone else's needs? If so, we can relate.

Hi gratitude28/Beth:
See what you think of the following:

   The Procrustean Eraser
   I went to the office-supply store to get a new eraser insert for my mechanical pencil, which was bought there. There were product ID numbers on the container, but none on my pencil. I asked the manager to match the insert to the pencil, telling her its brand name and style.
   Rifling impatiently through the container, she snatched one out and tried to cram it into the end of my pencil. It has a delicate internal mechanism which could easily have snapped during this process.
   I quickly took my pencil back and showed her the special twisting end. She did find the right one after that, but it was clearly by hazard.
   There was no line waiting; in fact, no other customers were in the store.

My comment:
In the past, I might not have stepped in so quickly to rescue my pencil, if at all. That I did so is an example of assertion.

FOO training:
Others always know better than you do. Don't question those in charge, criticize others, complain or interrupt. If there is any clash, conflict or problem, it is your fault. 

[isittoolate]

hi Jade,

Good for you saving your pencil. I think I could manage that with any of my belongings.

As far back as I can remember, I had no voice--I got that from voicelessness, obviously! There was always so much discord, raging, spankings, beatings in my very early years up to being 15-16 and seeing my father with the razor strap beating the next eldest sister. Her arms were covered with welts and she was going on a date that night with her steady.

So this was a long stretch of never talking back, or fighting back on my part. I lived "afraid" to do anything but what I was told, and if anything went wrong, I always felt I would be to blame.

There was a instance when I was 4, when we 3 older girls were told to get dressed. I was never told why/where or anything. I couldn't find a pair of underpants, and don't know whose I put on, but I wrapped and gathered in the waist of this large pair and pinned it with a huge safety pin. They stayed in place.

Destination? Hospital to have our tonsils and adenoids removed. I was 4 , as I said, and had to undress in front of a nurse and was SO EMBARRASSED about my underwear!  my first experiencce with a bedpan and didn't know I ought to sit up, so I peed straight up into the air!

I just grew up to be a follower without a mind of my own, painfully shy, and embarrassed very easily.

When I was 8, in Grade 5, the only other girl was Shirley, age 12. She had breasts. I didn't!!!!  I overheard the older girls asking my eldest sister why I didn't have breasts when Shirley did. I don't recall my sister's response. When I was 10, my next eldest sister peeked through a crack when I was changing. I had no pubic hair. She went to all the other sibs and told them to call me 'baldy'. When they did I knew it was something negative and I felt taunted, but didn't even know why.

I never went to my mother about anything, nor did she offer anything. I grew up ashamed of my body and wondering if I looked at all the same, naked, as any other girl would look.

It seems to me that all my problems were with the foo, and I was the only one without red hair.

Life can be a struggle, and somehow I cannot blame myself for withdrawing and finding a comfort zone of aloneness.

I expect that it is still 'fear' that keeps me this way.

I AM sorry. I rambled!!

Keep up your good work!!

Izzy

[Hopalong]

Ramble on, Izz...this is a great place for it.
I'm sorry about your father's violence. Horrible for you to experience, and your siblings.
And a horrible waste of a man's chance to be changed by the love of a child.

You were four years old and no one even helped you get ready for a hospital stay. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

I never went to my mother about anything, nor did she offer anything.

   

((((((((((Izzy)))))))))))))

Hops

[gratitude28]

Yes, Jade, you are very right that I tend to let others take advantage... mostly I can say I tended to do that before. In this case, I would have been most annoyed that the person was not working and did not fulfill her job duties correctly (i.e. being patient and kind to a customer). I would have either faced her with that or asked to speak with her boss. Unfortunately, my poor pencils still get mangled a lot. I let that happen still...

What about the library??? You never answered me on that one... Were you annoyed with your aquaintance???

Thanks for the examples to help with clarity.

Love, Beth