What is the old saying about the devil coming disguised as a friend? I have learned to be wary of people who seem to be too friendly too soon. N's know how to put on the superficial charm, but then gradually transition over to their "real" selves.
After 20 years away from the FOO (where intuition went numb from the constant alarm reaction) I believe my intuition is improving. The gut early feeling that something is "off" about a person usually turns out to be true. And it is an actual physical reaction, sort of like a stab in the stomach.
tj, so true. so true. anyone who comes on to me too strongly sets off my radar like mad now.
I just went through that again recently - but this time it was obvious to me that I was being pressured and rushed.
All because the guy didn't want me to have enough time to figure out what he was really like... he was trying to stampede me into overcommitting. So I'd feel 'stuck' and compelled to try to make things work once he began to treat me abusively.
Which is the standard trap, of course. They never intend for things to work. The whole intent is to abuse us, only, always.
But the thing is, he was treating me abusively almost from the get-go. The difference is in me; I see it now, and I'm willing to admit it when I see it; I no longer make excuses for it, and I no longer doubt my own perception.
One thing that really struck me about this guy was his 'phoniness'. I don't know how else to describe it. The more time I spent with the guy, the more it seemed that almost everything about him was 'stagey', some kind of performance. Like a duck blind, with the real person sitting back behind the screen, cold-eyed, just waiting to pounce.
It was a very creepy feeling, and the more time I spent with him, the more intense it became.
Trust that creepy feeling. Trust your gut. When someone feels phony to you, take a good hard look at them...
