Excuses for not calling our Ns

[penelope]

What does everyone else say when you are at your in-laws and they insist you call your (N) family on Christmas...or any other holiday?

It's not exactly the time to bring up "Oh, I have a funny story about that!.." at the dinner table, or sitting around a chatty cozy fire.  People don't like downers, that's one thing I've noticed.  They want to hear GOOD things.  Don't depress me.  Is the message I often get.  So, the truth really isn't an option, and saying nothing just makes them all more curious and probing.

I was thinking about replying something along the lines of:  OH - I left them a message earlier (I don't have to explain this one - and they don't have to know it was the email I sent last year telling them to leave me alone!  )

bean

[mrt]

My "world's best" in-laws (my wife has the" world's worst") get upset all the time because my N family doesn't ever call, visit or contact me. They think that it's the parents job to be a parent.

I would just tell your in-laws that "It's their turn to call me this year", or "I would rather shove a christmas tree up my a$$ - thanks!"

MrT

[Hopalong]

Mr. T  ...
that sounds very uncomfortable... 

And Bean, I think it's a wonderful opportunity for practicing great inner serenity, dignity, no drama, just an uber-mature-sounding:

Oh. Well, that's hard to talk about. But I'm glad to be here!
[Change subject to...whatever...just turning the subject back to them]
What do you enjoy most about today?

Hops

[CB123]

Hopalong,

 

You are so under-statedly funny.

CB

[penelope]

Mr. T - I will consider that one depending on the audience!!!! ha ha ha

good point hops 

Last night we had a couple over, some friends of ours... He normally does not ask anything about my family - which is a relief/delight.  She talks a lot of her own parents, so eventually the conversation inevitably turns to mine.  She asked me this:  how old are your parents?  Instead of reacting negatively at the thought of my parents, I just paused and thought about it and eventually said "they're both around 60."  Are they both retired?   (this one I had to think about - I don't think my Dad is retired yet - it would be a miracle if he has somehow acquired enough savings to do this in the past year, as my Mom spends money like water... but I'm not really sure)...No - my Mom has never worked, though-    She just kept bubbling on, about how her Dad may soon retire, not really missing a beat (Phew, I thought).

I've found that if I just answer the question posed, typically the person inquiring doesn't ask many more.  In the case of someone extremely tuned into my response (their are few - most people are worried and thinking more about themselves, I've noticed)- it could either mean one of two things:  1) the person is very nosy and probably has N characteristics (they're digging for dirt!) or 2) they're a very empathetic, compassionate person and they just noticed you flinched when they brought up the subject of your parents - so they're attempting to know more so they can comfort you.  In my experience, I'm not very good at discerning 1's from 2's.   

bean

[Hopalong]

Well done, Bean.
I think you did a great job discerning how most social interactions go.
If you're an attentive listener most people would rather talk about themselves anyway.

That was very perceptive.
Hope it helps you during the holidays.

Hops

[gratitude28]

penelope,
I think you are right. The majority of people are just looking for an "in" so that they can tell you something. Rarely are they really interested in your answer. I have learned to be vague about anything I don't care to answer. 99% of the time, people go on to something else. "Why did you miss the party?" "I couldn't go." "How are your parents?" "Fine,and yours?" No explanations.Unless it's someone dear, they don't need more than that.
Love, Beth