sad this evening

[lynn]

Hi everybody,

Today was a tough day for me.... My N moved to an apartment in a different town last weekend.  It is what I wanted.  Yet, I am so tied into my habitual behaviors... it is strange having him gone.

Tonight, my son in college called me.  Last night, when playing basketball, he broke his arm.  Son knew that his dad was living in a town near him... so he called dad to take him to the emergency room.  His arm is casted and he is doing okay.

The hard part for me, is that my N did not tell me about what happened.  I know it is selfish of me.... I know that it is me that wanted him to leave.... but this is the first time that something like this has happened.... that I have not been the mom.  

Part of it my son growing up... of course it is.... but tonight with everything that has been happening, i feel so incredibly, immensly sad.  Transitions are difficult, aren't they.  You know so well what used to be... and you hope for something better... but you don't KNOW how to feel the something better because it hasn't happened yet.  I takes a lot of faith.

No responses are needed.  I just wanted to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Wanted to reach out and hug you and say hi anyway Lynn, and that I just read what you've just posted and I'm thinking about you. It's such a big change for you. You've been very brave taking this stand.

I can't sing a note, but I'm gonna sing you a Bob Dylan song anyway

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
Climb on every rung
And may you stay for ever young

Forever young Forever young
May you stay forever young

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When they winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
And may you stay forever young
Forever young Forever young
May you stay forever young
 
Fondly Guest

[Anonymous]

Transitions are difficult, aren't they

yes they are, and you have a good insight into why.

Ending one way of life and starting another takes patience, allow yourself to grieve, remember why you split; you're going to make a wonderful life for yourself.

[lynn]

Dear Guests and Karin,

Thank you for your heartfelt support.  The song was beautiful.  I sang it in my head as I read it and I will keep it in my heart today.

Last night I gave myself a good cry, posted my message on this board and went to bed.  This morning I feel better.  My insides are a bit bruised but I feel like my feet are back on (or at least near) the ground.

For those of you who are out there reading posts and benefiting from the conversations.... from my perspective having this forum as a place to communicate my emotions has been tremendously valuable.  I don't have a therapist that I see, and my family does not live in my town.  I have friends here, but occassionally, like last night.  I needed to be able to say my thoughts out loud.

When I hold things in my head and don't get them out.... they dissapear as a thought and become something far more abstract... like a stomach ache or a headache.

Thank you, thank you.  Sometimes I wish we could all get together in a room and laugh and talk and share stories.  In the meantime, I'm happy to share this message board with you.

gratefully,  lynn

[Anonymous]

Lynn,

Transitions are hard and we are creatures of habit. HOWEVER, if your son breaks his arm, you should be told by your husband immediately. This is about parenting, not about the marriage.

bunny

[pandora]

Lynn,

I agree that you should have been told about your son's accident - you are his mother!

I think you are showing a lot of strength in your sadness.  Take care of yourself.  

Pandora

[Karin]

Hi Lynn,
When I separated I didn't know about this board, or even about narcissism. It has also been a tremendous help to me since I found it. Writing things down makes you automatically begin to clarify and make sense of the turmoil.
I agree with the other posters, you should have been told about your son's broken arm. This may not be the case here with you, but keep an eye on the 'divide and conquer' aspect because your husband will be angry too right now. My husband tried to rally support for himself through our children. The eldest daughter was 24 at the time and he wanted to go to nightclubs with her and be her best buddy. He wanted her all to himself in other words.
Take it easy today, Lynn.