Hi CB
It was expected that a wife would not work, stay home with her children, her husband would support the family financially and handle financial aspects of the family as well as being the major decision maker in the family. Ok, Feel a need to go through this. I have never met a wife who did not work. I realise that you were extremely controlled but you did look after your family and in that you have developed many skills e.g. organizational skills, negotiation skills, budgeting, multi-tasking, empathic skills, listening skills............could go on for a while but you could add to the list maybe. While he controlled the finances, you managed within some budget so that is a skill you also have. If you look at job advertisements these are often the skills that are needed for all types of work.
My H was always critical of my behavior and performance as a wife (he was an N after all!) but it never occurred to either of us to do anything different about our basic philosophy.
Somehow in you you had the strength and reserves to withstand this critisism, you were not beaten down, you survived and had the strength to walk away from such a constricted life. That takes guts....real guts, add this to your list.
My H abandoned me quite a bit emotionally and that was very painful. Seems to me YOU were taking care of yourself.
I eventually began to interact with the "outside" world through the internet--first through special interest boards and then through actually going back to university online. The world got bigger for me. Where I was seemed too tight. When I began thinking outside the box--the N'ish behavior directed toward me by my H got stepped up. He was very threatened by my increasing competence and my voice. I still struggle with both those issues (people who know me well think I have a LONG way to go! 
) but I am light years from where I have been for the last 30 years of my life.I am in awe of what you have achieved. In some societies leaving the group you were conditioned into being part of causes death. You walked into life.
I am very competent in the limited areas where I have been allowed to operate, but the experience I had yesterday was way out of my realm. I am so pleased because I didnt collapse into a puddle of indecision. I have never really known what I would do if I had to handle something like that on my own. My daughters were watching me closely and I knew it. We are all competent in limited areas and incompetent in others........ this is being human. Well done for being able to see your own strength yesterday and well done for being such a role model to your girls.
What is looming ahead is: buying a house and having a mortgage, getting a job after 30 years, buying a car. Making all my own financial decisions. Planning for my own future. The biggest hurdle is that I havent prepared for it--my marriage ended suddenly one day and all this has been on-the-job training. What my H has offered to me over and over is to come back to him and be "taken care of" (and have my every action analyzed and controlled) or to continue on my present course and "never amount to anything other than a waitress at poverty level".
Ha. We'll see.May I say HA He'll see! I have no doubt that future looks daunting. Someone said to me once break down the tasks, know you can only do today what you can do today, not bad advice. I just want to say WOW I am so impressed.
Axa
CB
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