Something is bothering me

[mudpuppy]

When things are sensitive and painful it hurts more to feel dismissed or ignored or misunderstood.

Whenever I feel excluded or hurt now I think about this and try to be more patient, and sure enough, life comes full circle ( as Dazed points out )

I think if the topic is important to someone they will pull it back into the original discussion, but also some things have drifted for hundreds of posts in general chit-chat so there seems to be a place for everything/ everyone.

It's been the biggest lesson I have learned in my recovery I think- life isn't perfect. For some reason I thought once I sorted out some major issues and problems it would be, but no...the world's pretty much the same as ever, so I have had to stop taking some things personally!

I wanted to say something like this but couldn't figure out how to do it without sounding like a big jerk. Now I'm glad I didn't waste my time, as write has said everything I wanted to, only better and in fewer words. Perfect.

mud

[isittoolate]

Hi seastorm

Kudos to you for beginning this topic of ‘thread hi-jacking’. I’ve seen this happen on many an occasion and I agree with the poster replies to you, about trying to re-focus on the topic.

I also understand your feelings of your thoughts being minimized.

Asserting yourself this way is good, as we can lose so much of ourselves after experiencing life with an N, a P or a P/N After being devalued by one of them, the last thing we need is to feel devalued again.

Xx
Izzy

[Dazed1]

Seastorm,

What a brilliant topic you started.  You took a risk by stating how you feel and it turns out that a lot of people share your feelings.  Hope this makes you feel good. 

Seastorm, I checked my old post again and I see there was no post from you.  I don’t know how you got edited out (I certainly didn’t do it), but if you ever feel like it, you could re-post your post.

Kinda off topic, but I want to say this:  Seastorm, CB123 & Axa:  I know each of you is going through a lot of turmoil at this time and I just wanted to say that I really feel for each of you and that I also see positive growth in each of you, despite the pain.

To everyone else who has posted on this thread, I want to say that I love what each of you has said and this reinforces why I love this Board.

We are voiceless NO MORE!!!!!!

Love,
dazed

[seastorm]

This has been such a good experience for me ie. hearing your feedback on my concern about cross-talk.  It opened into some really profound response and I learned a lot.
I agree that people have different styles of communication and there are different cultures. Sometimes it is fun to just be spontaneous and let her rip. I had to laugh about the comments concerning funerals. There are lots of ways to share at funerals.
On the other hand I am pretty tired of the general inability of most people in society to deal with grief and loss in a deep and genuine way. Cross talk bugs me for lots of reasons. I facilitated groups of wormen who were sexually abused and groups for kids who were abused. The big rule that made things respectful (which I think is a beautiful and profound word) was no crosstalk. 
I also worked with deaf people and crosstalk meant that they didn't have a hope of following a conversation. So I got to think that cross talkers are sort of bottom feeders. This is AWEFUL of me to say but there it is.
I know I can't control the world out there but I can say that it throws me off. People can do what they like but I feel better for having put it out there.

Lots of love,
Seastorm

[Overcomer]

Guilty as charged!!  Whenever a post gets my attention and I read some of the posts, it almost always reminds me of a similar situation.  In fact, so often when I read people's posts here, I feel like I could have written it.  So often the scenarios and feelings are so the same...............and if not the same, similar.  So I find myself saying things like"yeah, that reminds me of when......blah blah balh................."  Off subject.....but kind of the same. 

I also agree that when the original poster comes back and replies, the topic usually gets back on topic.......but sometimes I see the original poster get involved with the cross talk, too. 

Sometimes the interchanges are really healthy and help me to focus on what I need to do, what I can learn, and how better to respond.  Sometimes they turn into fluff.  Sometimes they go no where and die.  I have started posts that have gone on and on for pages and others that die before the first page is up.

I think it is a dynamic which we cannot undo.  Again, we all need a voice and if it is just an encouraging interchange in the middle of another person's post, and it makes our day than COOL!!!!

[Hopalong]

Hi again, Sea...
I too live in a southern culture, where mid-sentence subject change is a kind of odd shorthand for expressing affection or intimacy sometimes, and doesn't at all mean compassion has fled.

Then again, I am also an ENohlookabird!FP...

I just want to tell you that I also would hate to hurt anyone's feelings by anything I blurt mid-thread that's off topic. But I'm pretty sure I'm likely to do it. If if I do stray, would you (or anyone who's frustrated by my wandering isitacroworaraven? brain) just say something like

topic, hops...

And I'll get right back on board. I promise.

Thanks,
Hops

[seastorm]

  Hi Hops:

Hey, people up north where I live get excited and interupt each other with no mean intention and can have a great time.
It is just the extremes that are not so great.

That is very funny.... ENohlookatabirdFP. I am ENFP too and very very P so I love a creative go round and see what will happen kind of interchange with no boundaries.

And to everybody who replied thanks so much. Wow! that was really helpful and interesting.

Cheers,
Seastorm

[axa]

Dont know if i am guilty of crosstalk but apologise if I do........ well done for being assertive.   I hear what you are saying and will try to be more focused on the particular topic and start a new thread if it stirs something in me.

Hugs,

axa

[Portia]

Seastorm, what a great thread, so much in here, thank you. I hope this isn't a hijack but may I comment on a few things mentioned....

write:

some things we have to learn to carry for ourselves even if no one else seems to be supporting us right now. It's that strength of being me regardless which I want to build on this year....I don't want to keep wobbling wheneevr circumstances do- I want to be the same me as a source of strength, my inner core strength and self

makes a heap of sense to me and sounds so strong Write. Good for you!

Mud:

couldn't figure out how to do it without sounding like a big jerk

Do you practice sounding like that, like i practice it too? (and some days I think, today I might just be a big jerk for a few minutes and give folks a laugh, or even a diversion from being serious....so we can be serious with a lighter heart - if that makes sense!) Sending you love Mud.

Moon - so good to see you, just so good!

Back on topic....cross-talk and chitchat don't upset me, although i admit sometimes I can look for allegories and the like in chitchat where there aren't any and that can start to fry my brain , but hey, it's me that's doing the frying and I hope I know when to turn off the analysing and turn on the feeling. It's so difficult with written words, but I hope reading this you get a feeling of warmth and deep appreciation for a great thread. I got a lot from everyone who wrote here, thank you