Author Topic: The truth comes out -- and Flo's tears are flowing  (Read 6242 times)

Flo

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The truth comes out -- and Flo's tears are flowing
« Reply #15 on: March 17, 2004, 02:54:52 AM »
PS Only at the moment I am a dud.  

I have not been full of life since December. That's bipolar disorder for ya.  Up and down.  Charisma followed by blahness.  Plenty of energy, followed by sleep and dulling out big time.

We bring events, love, and people into our lives, only to let them down later.

Flo

Anonymous

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The truth comes out -- and Flo's tears are flowing
« Reply #16 on: March 17, 2004, 04:54:18 AM »
Hi Flo, feelin down, feelin blue, well I'll just come on over and chat to you. Ave ya bin' takin' ya happy pills girl? Can I run on down to tha drugstore and get ya a carton of Effox or whatever the hell they're called.

That's what one of my best friends calls her pills, her happy pills. She has BPD too. But she's got one of the weirdest cases of BPD her therapist has ever come across, she reckons. And she's (my friend) at Uni studying law. Her pills stop her shoplifting, stealing from her mother, hocking her mum's TV, flashin' her huge tits when we're out in the car, and from wearing out vibrators (if you know what I mean).

She's got no qualms sleeping with the professor for good marks. Not that she needs to, she's so damn smart. Doesn't ever seem to study and does brilliantly. It's like her brain is a sponge and a memory like an elephant,  and beautiful to boot. Only she's got no bum, flat as pancake, I told her to get implants in the arse and she'd knock 'em dead. I was reading about Spike Milligan today. He suffered from shell-shock or PTSD as we say now (plum in the mouth) in polite society. Mustn't call it what it really is, "The thing that we get when we have the crap kicked out of us our whole frickin' childhood." What a comic genius he was. You know what his epitaph is, "I told you I was sick." I buckled up.

Anyhoo, Flu me girl, me love, me little puddin' pie, it was so frank and honest of you to talk about the child you had at 22. From the sounds of it you made the wisest choice, in light of the fact you had no family help, and could barely cope with yourself. My God woman, who would inflict that on anybody. (I'm pontificating Flo, taking off my arrogant SOB mother.)

Obviously it wasn't easy, but by the sounds of it, you done well! I'm just gettting kicked off this darn computer and I was just warming up. I'll get back to you love. The sun is gonna shine tomorrow, and so will you again soon. Keep talkin'.

Hugs and love, Cookie Guest

surf14

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  • Posts: 74
The truth comes out -- and Flo's tears are flowing
« Reply #17 on: March 17, 2004, 01:00:20 PM »
Hi Flo,  if you are going thru a down spell it might be good if you can try not to dwell too much on your sister's behavior; it sounds like you have given a lot but she's just not 'there' right now.  Probably best to focus on yourself and what makes you feel better during these times.  Do your blah's last for weeks or months usually and if so how long do the up times last?  Is there something that happens to bump you out of the down spells or do they have a life of their own?  Hang in there and look for the love and support from the places it is actually coming from at this point in time.   Take care. Surf  :)
"In life pain is inevitable, suffering is optional".

Flo

  • Guest
Feeling better today
« Reply #18 on: March 18, 2004, 02:07:34 AM »
Hi, Cookie Guest and Surf,

Today I got to feeling a lot better.  For one thing, my living room is neat.  My volunteer came yesterday, and we worked on it. She stacked up the papers on my computer desk in a neat stack. She'd done the same to the eating table and the other desk last week. So I am now stacking any loose papers on top of these stacks neatly instead of just tossing them around.  And today, my house cleaning sweet woman came and cleaned a bunch, and I got my laundry done, and she folded it.  Would you b'lieve all this is mine since I am 60 y/o?  My tax dollars at work!!! You, too, may be so privileged one day, if you get to be 60 and IF we can turn around the economy in the USA, which is where I live.  If we dont' turn this economy around (remember, under President Clinton, we had a SURPLUS?????) we'll probably lose this, and Medicare and Social Security, too.  And of course we continue to lose jobs by the thousands to out-sourcing and slave labor. But dont' get me started.

Anyway, Having a nice, clean, neat place helps a ton.

Plus, Jim finally is coming around about the argument we got into the day before yesterday.  The way I put it to him is:  "What do we do when there are two bossy people bossing each other?? **I** sure don't know!!!  LOLOL!!!"  He said he had no idea how to start the discussion, either, but start it we would, and take care of the problem once and for all.  He had forgotten that he'd started yelling at me in the hall so loud that I had put my hand over his mouth to shut him up. I told him that was verbal abuse on his part, and physical abuse on my part, and I regretted both, and that we must never let things like this slide, or they would fester in our relationship, forever, and never go away.  He completely agrees.  We've made good progress already, so this all helps.'

Plus, our friend came home from the hospital.  She had a heart attack yesterday, and came home against doctor's' orders today.  Personally I think she was smart to come home, after she told me why.  I know I would have done exactly as she has.  She is Russian or Romanian or something, and her English is not good; and she hates regular American food -- she is a fantastic gourmet Russian cook -- she is always giving her cooking treats to us and others around the building, too.  Anyway, when I went to see her early this evening, there she was in her robe STANDING BY THE SINK washing out her little cheese cloth thing, getting ready (or having finishied?) making cottage cheese.  I hollered a little at her with lots of love and said, WHAT are you doing out here!!??? You are supposed to be in bed!

Her grown grandson was there with her, too, and I said, "Can't you make your grandmother stay in bed?" He said that would be utterly impossible!! Even if he tied her down, she would fight against the ropes and get worse than before!!!

So anyway, the reason she came home, she told me was that (1) she could not get any rest.  Every two hours they came and took her for another test!  All day and all night!!!  (2)  It was so noisy there she could not sleep!  (3) She was very hungry!  (4) and of course, she needed a lot of rest.

Plus, she said they were going to give her an "angel test."  Probably some sort of angiogram??? Anyway, she said her sister had already had one, and she wants to talk to her sister before she elects to have, or not have, an "angel test."  She says they put a tube or something into the lower right side of your torso, and it goes up a vein into your heart.  She wanted to know how painful it is, or if it's painful. So she plans to ask her sister.

Plus, she has very strong religious beliefs, and is all worked up and worried about something to do with the Book of Revelation. She thinks the anti-christ is coming on September 6-8, 2004 and she wants to "go home" into the next world, before then anyway.  She is not at all afraid of passing on.  Since my beliefs are definitely of a continuation of life, too, and I am not afraid, either, and have a knowledge of how the treatment can definitely sometimes be worse than the disease, I told her I thought her decision was very wise.

So it is nice to see her home.  She has good friends here in the building, and her grandson is living with her, and helps her, too.

All these things have cheered me.  And I also did some work on my painting again today; and also decided to lose 10 pounds. So I gave away my huge package of Mounds bars.  There were a bunch of litle ones, and I put them in choice places all over the building, and gave them to 4 friends including the two cleaning people and one of the maintenance men, too.  They were delighted, and I was delighted to see them so happy, and glad to see my fat leaving. I can't hardly do my yoga due to 2 rolls of fat on my tummy.

Like both of you have advised, I have quit thinking so much about my sister,and have been thinking about creative endeavors, and doing some.

The cats are well, Jim and I are well, and I am also going to get to bed earlier from now on.  Except I am later than I wanted to be.

I hope this is not too long, or that you have stopped reading by now.

Thank you both and all for your sweet posts, and great support.  I guess my blahs didn't last forever like I thought they would.

Oh -- and as for h ow long the dullsville lasts -- it differs, and is impossible to tell.  I take Effexor, which is what it sounds like the law student takes.  It has taken away the pain in my back, too.  Did I tell you I had a massage on Monday?  A friend gives me massages very cheap!   $7.00 or whatever I can afford.  He's just a sweet guy.  He's blind and on disability so does not really need the money, I guess.   He is licensed LMT and is an amazing healer.  He showed me how to make the metatarsals in my feet move!! (Those are the bones that run from the base of the toes to the ankles -- the basic long "foot bones.")  Whee.  What fun.  (If you grab any two adjacent knuckles on one of your hands, you can move the metacarpals, which are the equivalent hand bones.  You can do this with ALL the metacarpal sets of 2.  Well, he showed me the exact same thing with the feet.)  He realigned the big toe in my right foot, which gets "out" occasionally and showed me how to fix it myself from now on.  It really makes my feet limber and feel so good.

Love,

Flo

Anonymous

  • Guest
The truth comes out -- and Flo's tears are flowing
« Reply #19 on: March 18, 2004, 04:16:32 AM »
Hi Flo, Cookie Guest here.

I'm so glad you are starting to feel better. Doesn't having things neat and tidy help us feel better.

I tell you, any test called 'Angel Test'  sounds pretty bad to be. A nice name to make something awful sound not so bad.

I don't know about 'End Times' teaching. I got sucked into Hal Lindsay's Late Great Planet Earth, back in the early 80's. I spent a huge amount of an inheritance I had, because of the cult I was in (they got most of it). And I'll be damned if when Jesus didn't come back in August 1984 (like they promised) I was up the proverbial creek without a paddle financially.
Anyway, each to there own, so long as your friend doesn't get sucked in like I did. I had zero common sense where that cult was concerned. I swallowed the whole line. Hook, line, sinker, fisherman, boat.

So you and Jim had a lover's tiff huh? I missed that one. But did you make up?

I lost 20 kgs in 3 months after 3 years of doctor's orders telling me I had to lose weight. I have diabetes and had a heart attack 3 years ago. I've tried every diet known to man. I had never been overweight, always skinny till 7 years ago. Stress and depression blah blah blah. I put on 25 kilo's over about a 2 year period. Went up to a size 14. I've lost it all over the past year and from say 6 months ago it's all stayed off.

I went on a high catabolic diet. It's a really easy diet. Food that burns more calories when you eat it than it provides. So each time you eat something catabolic, like an apple, you're in a negative calorie situation. Say an apple has 100 claories, it takes the body say (and I can't remember exactly) 150 calories to digest it. I only buy high catabolic foods I like when I buy the groceries. So I've got nothing fattening to snack on. Plus 1 or 2 glasses of red wine each night helps.

And I've been mainly vegetarian my whole adult life so bowls of steamed vegies are heaven to me and super high catabolic. I was hooked on frozen yoghurt so I don't buy that anymore either. So a good start is don't buy or cook anything you really like that's fattening. And 10 kilo's to lose isn't to bad. Go Flo, and 7 bucks for a massage, heaven! My cat says hi to your cats. I've got a, a, a, I can't damn well remember the breed, but he's gorgeous. I got him for my children, and I wasn't a cat person originally but he's won me over. I just love him.

Flo now down to this healing business, I can't remember if you've already said, but when did you first learn that you had Bi-Polar disorder?
It hasn't always been called that has it? It was manic-depression.
Was this purely stress induced in you, or as you say, you now think your father had it?
Is it genetic, hereditary do you think?
I was wondering if disorders like Bi-polar, if they are genetic sort of lay dormant in us, and then contact with say, a Narcissist coming in to our life becomes like just the perfect fertilizer it needs to set it (these disorders) off, to take on a life within us. This is the question in my mind recently. Love and best wishes to you Flo

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