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signs?

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Anonymous:
not logged in this time.

Just to clarify, while I might place some significance on "signs" I also firmly believe that God/Allah/Buddha helps those who help themselves, and gives us the clarity of thought needed to take the right action, if we are open to it.  At the same time, I for some reason am reassured by the outside validation of my own feelings that these instances represent to me.  

As far as sharing info with others, there are dangers, as someone pointed out in this thread.  For a long time, I did not talk about any "weirdness" and for months after learning of N's affair and living with his verbal abuse,  I said nothing, especially to local friends.  I felt some sense of loyalty that kept me silent.  But I felt so isolated and miserable that I HAD to begin to talk about it - first to a therapist, then to my family (none of whom live close), and finally to a few trusted girlfriends.  And as for N's mother - I love and respect her so much that I felt obligated to let her know how I was thinking.  Talking to people I trust has helped me so much and made me feel stronger about facing the future.   I hope that all of you can find the same sort of support network.

Peace to all.  Pandora

rosencrantz:
Hi Pandora - I think we all start looking for 'signs' when we don't know what to do or when what we WANT to do seems overwhelming.  In a way we are seeking a way out (of making a decision and for taking responsibility for our decisions).  That's human.

What I DO think is that all these people can see what you are not sure you see - that this man is not good for you.  People are wise enough not to tell you what to do - you have to make the decision and know that it's the right one.

These aren't signs, these are opinions.  And they are consistent.

And if I had all that objective opinion reinforcing my own concerns, I'd run for the hills!!  I'd know I could tell my 'guilt' to go away and be of good heart in doing what I needed to do to preserve my sanity, my health and start a better life - and I'd remind myself of that all the way through the short-term emotional pain and uncertainty that's bound to arise.

Good luck!
R

Anonymous:
I felt some sense of loyalty that kept me silent. But I felt so isolated and miserable that I HAD to begin to talk about it - first to a therapist, then to my family (none of whom live close), and finally to a few trusted girlfriends.

this is exactly what happened to me.
For a long time I really believed it was something I'd done to bring the misery upon us. Once I disconnected from the pd people in my life I was able to be happy and myself again. There are a couple of things I still have to tell my therapist; even though I trust her ( and several friends ) it still seems too weird and personal to divulge. But I'm glad not to be putting a brave face on any more, and to grow back into myself.

Good luck.

lynn:

--- Quote from: rosencranz ---These aren't signs, these are opinions. And they are consistent
--- End quote ---


I agree with rosencranz. What may be worth noting however is that right now you have been aware of others opinions.  It is possible that they have held these opinions for a long time.... and that you, just now, are able to hear them.

That may be the biggest sign, that you are ready and able to hear and see what you N is really like.

best,
lynn

Anonymous:
pandora,

Others who see you and your husband together are giving you permission to leave the marriage. Even his mother! Rather than a sign, it's an empirical observation on their parts.

bunny

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