As you know I have been doing some work with John Bradshaw's book HOMECOMING. One of the exercise he suggests is have the adult you write to the child you, then change to non dominant hand and have the child you write to the adult. This has been such an emotional and enlightening experience for me. I do it each day.
Yesterday I did my adult letter which was soft and loving to the child and my child wrote back " You let me down again. I hate you". I just could not believe I wrote these words to myself. It was such a shock. I was reeling.
I though about XN, his lies, untrustworthiness, his betrayl - and realised this is what I have done to the child in me. I had promised her, many times, I would protect her. I betrayed her. I promised her this time it would be ok - lies. I had told her she could trust me - not true. I understand this was unconscious but it is also the truth. And this is a place for truth.
All the things I hate in XN I also possess. While he acts it out on others I was acting it out on myself. Somehow this feels like a huge learning curve. I am taking responsibilty for this. It is now in my awareness I cannot not know this.
Owning this truth feels like I have claimed something I had pushed deep inside, it is now coming to the light. I feel this is so significant in my healing.
Wanted to share this truth with you all,
axa
