Hi CB,
I don't hear any time for you with supportive adults, other than an occasional therapy appt.
Can you attend a divorce support group? I know that's another time demand, but it might be worth it if you can manage it. (You could offer to HOST one from a church or community resource center, then there'd be no transportation issues.) Is there any adult friend whom you trust in your life? If yes, can you ask that person to come to the farm and take a long walk with you once a week for a while?
The other thing I don't hear is any creative outlet other than the board (excellent as it is!). I am thinking something creative, in the depths of pain and fatigue, even if it's simply mad fingerpainting (speaking of excellent family activities at ANY age...!)--can relieve you. Somehow the spirit heals through the hands when the mind is exhausted.
I hope you can also find a massage therapist. I believe you need touch and comfort and kindness, and you need some help giving those to yourself.
You are doing an incredible job supporting your children, all of them. But please remember that you did not cause the situation that is hurting them, and this pain does belong to them. What will heal them is time and learning.
Your compassion and endurance will help them, but they each still have their own walk to walk. Don't try to walk it for them. Don't try to change yourself and become perfect. No need, dear.
hugs,
Hops