Need help

[isittoolate]

CB

I really wish you the best.

I was never married, so never divorced and really don't know anything about the hassles of divorce

I do know some are friendly and some not. I do know some are fair and some not.

Best of Luck with your hassles

Izzy

[Hopalong]

Hi CB,

I don't hear any time for you with supportive adults, other than an occasional therapy appt.
Can you attend a divorce support group? I know that's another time demand, but it might be worth it if you can manage it. (You could offer to HOST one from a church or community resource center, then there'd be no transportation issues.) Is there any adult friend whom you trust in your life? If yes, can you ask that person to come to the farm and take a long walk with you once a week for a while?

The other thing I don't hear is any creative outlet other than the board (excellent as it is!). I am thinking something creative, in the depths of pain and fatigue, even if it's simply mad fingerpainting (speaking of excellent family activities at ANY age...!)--can relieve you. Somehow the spirit heals through the hands when the mind is exhausted.

I hope you can also find a massage therapist. I believe you need touch and comfort and kindness, and you need some help giving those to yourself.

You are doing an incredible job supporting your children, all of them. But please remember that you did not cause the situation that is hurting them, and this pain does belong to them. What will heal them is time and learning.

Your compassion and endurance will help them, but they each still have their own walk to walk. Don't try to walk it for them. Don't try to change yourself and become perfect. No need, dear.

hugs,
Hops

[seastorm]

CB

The good and loving person that you are really comes shining through.  Believe in yourself.  You have such devotion and courage.
It is easy to hang in there with you. I am really rooting for you.

Lots of love and hugs,
Sea storm

[Sela]

Hi again CB:

Keep going!  You're gonna be fine! 

I hope next week will go quick and will bring some relief.  Then you can get back to bringing little bits of regular life back into your days.  That will be good for you, I think.

Go for that massage!  Get a good book!  Take care of you CB.  Your kids will benefit from it in the long run, so no guilt necessary.   ((((((CB))))))

Sela

[Gaining Strength]

So glad you and your children are finding validation.  That one thing has really turned my life around.  I got it from my therapist but for some reason that was not enough.  I have a way of minimizing all that is good and so I minimized his help and assurances by thinking that I was paying him to support me.  But the reality is that paying him isn't where the support and encouragement come from.  Receiving validation for me means accepting it - not minimizing it.

CB123, I was thinking of you this morning as I started reading, The Pursuit of Happyness.  It is a trul remarkable story about a man who grew up in poverty and later set his eye on becoming successful.  Early in the book there are passages about his young life that could have come right out of posts here but the thing that made me think of you and yours was that he lived with his mother, three sisters and a brutal step-father.  His mother whom he loved and who was loving to him worked but didn't make enough to be economically self-sufficient.  But this man as a young boy was able to survive his emotional abuse and his mother's physical abuse because his mother loved, encouraged and supported him emotionally.  This man went on to survive great difficulties and move into a successful, fulfilling life.  My note to you is that you have been trapped financially and emotionally but your children have received more from you than you are able to recognize at this point.  You feel guilty about bad decisions but I hope you will feel good and empowered about the remarkable courage and love you demostrated curing these extremely difficult years.  That is the most important thing to focus on.  Keeping that in sight you will find the path out easier - like a winding road up a mountain.  The mountain is the same debilitating height whether you chose to climbed straight up or wind around but the trek up the winding path is easier than going straight up - why take the most dificult?  Think about all the is wonderful that you have given your children. - your friend - Gaining Strength