Only one at a time PLEASE!!

[DivineSunshine]

I am being overwhelmed by the N's in my life!!!  I have found myself needing to make choices between the N's in my daily life in order to survive!

 My H is a TOTAL N!  I have been with him for 16 years and have had to cut ties with almost everyone, especially my N mother and sister in order to just be able to get from morning to night with this total mental case.  He is absolutely all I can handle!!!  And yet, he chastises me for not communicating with THEM!   Unbelievable.

Has anyone else found themselves in this position???   Even if I wanted to to to deal with my other N's, or anyone else for that matter, I wouldn't have any mental strength left.  I feel I have to choose him because of our kids.  And, well, he's the one in my face and in my house every day.....


Peace to all dealing with these kinds of people.  Any input would be appreciated. 

Love,

D. Sunshine

[Hopalong]

Welcome, Sunshine.
I'm sorry to hear it...having one N push you into the path of 2 other Ns sounds really gruesome.

I'm afraid I think the answers are the same for dealing with ALL Ns.

Boundaries and assertiveness.

I think boundaries are the more complicated to learn.
Assertiveness training workshops are still around, and they help a lot.

Do you have any support, such as a good therapist?

Posting here is a good thing to do. Tell your story when you're ready to.

Hopalong

[axa]

Welcome Sunshine,

Keep reading and posting.  This is what I did initially I just read the posts and let the truth sink in and eventually I found the courage to get rid of XN and what a relief that was.

Everything takes time.

axa

[DivineSunshine]

Thanks for the encouragement Hops and axa.  I do pretty well for the most part in coping, but need a place to rant and aquaintances just don't seem to understand or care.  (Besides I have shut most of them out for embarrassment of my situation).  The judgement is always there since they haven't experienced this baloney first-hand.  I feel like a whiner and complainer.  The only time I reach out is when I'm about to break down, so I don't like unloading that on anyone who can't or won't understand. 

I just need to learn to reach out for more support and sanity.  And thanks so much for you guys.  I know there is one place I can turn and not be judged. 

I've tried assertiveness which seems to make things worse.  It just brings out the bigger monster in ferocious anger.  He seems to have a BPD problem as well as some NPD traits.   Any such thing as BPND???   Cause I think I found one!!!   Ha-ha.

Take care you guys,

Namaste and Peace,

D. Sunny or sunnyD   

[GAP]

Dear D. Sunshine,

I was married to a malignent N for 23 years.  He was so difficult and emotional draining I didn't realize that my mother and sister were Ns until I was out of the marriage.  In order to get healthy and end the madness I have stopped talking to my sister and have learned to set boundries with my mother.  Must say I feel great...it has taken alot of therapy, but not being part of the craziness anymore is so liberating. 

When I think back on dealing with 3 narcissist on a daily basis I can't believe the negative energy that was part of my life.  Knowledge is power.  The more you know about N and understand as much as you can about the disorder they become so predictable.  One of my brothers is totally enlightened so I have someone to call and share the craziness with.  The behavior no longer gets me down, I no longer let it get to me emotionally, and I have enough knowledge that I can almost predict their behavior.

GAP

[GAP]

p.s.  Have you read Malignent Self Love by Sam Varkin...I have found it to be helpful.

[axa]

D Sunshine,

The energy they draw from you is unreal.  I think focus on yourself as much as possible.  I know the thing about not wanting to be complaining all the time and also for me I did not tell because I felt shame at being in there with that POS (rude words).  About your boundaries with our FOO I think that sounds smart to me.  I come from a big family, many of whom have N traits.  Some I do not have a lot of contact with XN used to get angry with me for "neglecting my family".  He has ONE sister, who is single, with no kids, who would like contact with her family and he has no contact wtih her.  I still keep in touch.  She describes him as toxic so I guess that she sees him.

Keep on posting

axa

[DivineSunshine]

GAP---I responded to you on my other post A small rant... and I forgot to put your name at the beginning.  Sorry about that.  Silly moi. 

I have read some of Vaknin's stuff, and of course, I can relate all to well with how he describes (himself) Nism.  I need to get his book.  I subscribe online to his yahoo group, but never get a chance to read.

He is bold to write this stuff---but what else would you expect.  Anyhow, he is doing a favor by letting us into his head.  Thanks dude, wherever you are.

Hang in there girl!  Thanks for the support!

Namaste & Peace

Sunny D