Author Topic: N shows up...oh, oh  (Read 3045 times)

seastorm

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N shows up...oh, oh
« on: January 17, 2007, 01:15:01 AM »
I came home after being away at my sister's for a few days. Someone had taken away some of N's stuffl.
A trailer and two fish nets were gone.  I asked N to let me know if anyone was going to come onto my property but he didn't let me know. I am glad that some of the stuff is gone but I don't know if he is in town and lurking around. I checked in the snow with the flashlight to see if I could see footprints. I am a lousy tracker. There were prints going over the bank. I assume that it wasn't N.  But I was spooked.
I thought that I would email him and tell him to let me know  if he is around and getting his stuff or if he sent someone. Then I though Naaaa  I will just ignore it. He KNOWS I wanted the courtesy of being notified. If I was anyone else, he would be polite.
I thought of calling the police because the nets and trailer are worth about 2000 dollars.
Just having a little tizzy.

I think I am doing the right thing.  I worry that he will show up at my door. I dont want to see him. It is way too
upsetting. I am sure he is having a hard time living at his N mothers. He is so manipulative that it gives me the willies. When I talked to him last I reatlized that everything he says is BS.

I feel kind of panicky about this. I thank god we don't have children together.

Sea storm

pennyplant

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2007, 06:08:02 AM »
You're doing the right thing, Sea, to just ride out your feelings.  He definitely knew he should call first.  He didn't do so on purpose.  If you call him on it, he will turn it around on you and use it to boost himself.  Let him sit with what he has done.  I betcha there's some expectation in him of your reaction.  He deserves to be disappointed in that.  Let him sit with that feeling for a change.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

Gaining Strength

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2007, 07:53:51 AM »
My father did that lurking thing to my mother when he left.  But he didn't have a phone or didn't make it available and didn't do e-mail either.  The lurking has such an N quality.  It is more than just what it appears on the surface.  It carries with it all that violation that you get when someone breaks into your home and more because it carries all that abuse residual.

I am sorry Sea.  That is terrible stuff.  If you feel more violated today then when you first found the evidence it would be no small wonder. - GS

Bones

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2007, 12:44:29 PM »
If it were me, I would go ahead and report the items' disappearance to the police so that the N couldn't accuse you of stealing/trashing his stuff and suing you for it.  If it has been left there after a certain period of time, your state's legal jurisdiction could consider it abandoned property and then tell him "Tough !@#$".  Either way, I would find a way to make sure I was legally covered.  Just my opinion.

Bones

moonlight52

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2007, 12:58:16 PM »
Hi Sea

Having documentation is a good idea....

Having a record of any contact ..................... coming to your home or phone calls anything....

Good luck

m

Hopalong

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2007, 10:39:16 PM »
Hi Sea,
What everybody said.

Plus, I am sure you've changed your locks and have a nice big new pound dog???

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

CB123

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #6 on: January 27, 2007, 09:34:07 AM »
Hey, Sea,

Did you ever find out where the stuff went?  Did he ever contact you?

CB
When they are older and telling their own children about their grandmother, they will be able to say that she stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way -- and it surely has not -- she adjusted her sails.  Elizabeth Edwards 2010

seastorm

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #7 on: January 27, 2007, 02:05:32 PM »
I did the unthinkable but most irrisistable. I phoned him and asked if the stuff was taken. Big mistake. He told me he had an appointment with a hearing specialist and that he was going deaf and nothing could be done about it. He said no one was giving him any sympathy.
He had the same story when I first met him and he coped just fine with his hearing. I got scared and thought, "Oh no, he is going to want support payments and this is a threat". Before I thought ,"oh you poor thing, bla bla bla". Consequently, I ended up supporting him for years.
I realized that I didnt believe anything he said and creepy as it seems I don't think he believed it either. He just rattles this bs off and it is detached from his feelings and his humanity.
I still struggle daily with wanting to call him. I am sort of stuck in disbelief and horror at what has happened and all the secrets that came out. It hurts me and I can hardly get out of bed sometimes. It has been three months and I feel like now I can breathe and I don't cry all the time only once or twice a day.
I am ashamed to report this because I know that I am not supposed to contact him. I really struggle with this. I try to keep busy and stay away from my addiction to him. I would say I am doing pretty well. When I do talk to him, it reaffirms what a strange case he is. I didn't see this before.

Sea storm

Stormchild

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2007, 02:15:00 PM »
Hey, seastorm.

In this case, you got something very helpful out of that brief contact, didn't you? You heard him through new ears, you 'saw' him through new eyes.

You were able to take the stuff you have figured out here, and go back and apply it, automatically, you didn't have to think about it, it just came naturally to you when you heard his BS. And you were even able to hear the tone of voice or the 'preening' words that give away the game when an N is insincere*.

[I don't know how to describe the 'preening' except that they sound as though they're looking in the mirror all the time they're talking to you. I've even seen this 'tone of voice' when reading some writers and columnists... it's unmistakable once you learn to recognize it... and it's always a danger signal. You've learned how to spot it. You'll never forget how, once you've learned.]

On top of that, here you are feeling ashamed of having contacted him, but talking honestly about it.

Nothing to be ashamed of, nothing I can find anywhere in any of that.

A great deal to be proud of, actually. There's nobody on the planet who doesn't sometimes 'go back to check' in a situation like this. That's what you did, and looky what you discovered!

Your own good sense, working right up front to protect you.

Sometimes going back for a good look, and seeing clearly what was really there, is the best cure in the world for this kind of grieving.

((((((((((seastorm))))))))))

* i.e., all the time :roll:
« Last Edit: January 27, 2007, 02:19:22 PM by Stormchild »
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Gaining Strength

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2007, 06:12:30 PM »
Quote
I am ashamed to report this because I know that I am not supposed to contact him.

Seastorm, there are no laws about getting over an N.  Do what you have to do and keep posting.  There is something magical about posting.  It helps purge the sickness.  Keeping it all bottled up is what keep you sick.  Your courage will free you soon. - GS

seastorm

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2007, 06:16:39 PM »
I am glad I am posting again. I just slipped away and got lost for awhile. I do better when I post here. You words are so healing and helpful.

Sea storm

Bones

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2007, 11:28:02 AM »
Sea,

Good for you that you see this N for EXACTLY what he is, full of BS!

As I was reading the description of N, it reminded me of Carly Simon's song, "You're So Vain", as he has "one eye in the mirror as he watched himself gavotte". 

Bones

Stormchild

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Re: N shows up...oh, oh
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2007, 09:24:21 PM »
Both eyes in the mirror...
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com