The "Bad Mommy Taboo"

[gratitude28]

Very very good point, storm. My writing is getting worse and worse and my thinking a bit jumbled, so I will leave the thought there for today.

[ANewSheriff]

storm: 

It is part of the futile exercise of trusting the untrustworthy, seeking love from the unloving, seeking care from the uncaring, seeking mercy from the merciless.

I am exhausted reading this, Storm.  I have spent so much of my life doing all of the above.  I suppose we all do to some point, but you get to a certain age and although there is gratitude for the enlightenment and growth that comes from these escapades there is also such a sense of lost time, don't you think?  Pretty much, though, I feel free today.  Life is not perfect, but I am very protective of my boundaries these days.  I am unwilling to allow the negativity in anymore.  And, the teenagers think they have the cornerstone on "My Space". Try to tell that to someone in recovery in the Voiceless Forum.   

ANS     

[Dazed1]

"Yes; I think excusing the inexcusable is part of the kit. It is part of the futile exercise of trusting the untrustworthy, seeking love from the unloving, seeking care from the uncaring, seeking mercy from the merciless."   Pure poetry, Storm.  These are truths I need to absorb.  Stop wasting time and energy on the hopeless and move on.

"Such people do exist. It is not our fault that they exist... and since it is not our fault, we do not need to allow them to punish us lifelong for it."    This is my new attitude.

The CS Lewis stuff is fascinating and it gives me a sense of relief and self forgiveness.

"...but you get to a certain age and although there is gratitude for the enlightenment and growth that comes from these escapades there is also such a sense of lost time, don't you think? "  Absolutely, ANS.  This is how I feel. 

So many sad truths here.

dazed

[Leah]

storm: 

It is part of the futile exercise of trusting the untrustworthy, seeking love from the unloving, seeking care from the uncaring, seeking mercy from the merciless.

I am exhausted reading this, Storm.  I have spent so much of my life doing all of the above.  I suppose we all do to some point, but you get to a certain age and although there is gratitude for the enlightenment and growth that comes from these escapades there is also such a sense of lost time, don't you think?  Pretty much, though, I feel free today.  Life is not perfect, but I am very protective of my boundaries these days.  I am unwilling to allow the negativity in anymore.  And, the teenagers think they have the cornerstone on "My Space". Try to tell that to someone in recovery in the Voiceless Forum.   

ANS     

Agree ANS

Sometimes, especially lately, have sat here and thought why did I waste those precious years, the best years really, seeking love from the unloving, trusting the untrustworthy, and, yes even seeking mercy from the merciless.

My heartfelt hope is that due to the resources available today via the internt, especially Voicelessness Forum, and other empowering and supportive sites, others won't have to lose precious years of their lives, walking lost in the wilderness of ignorance and abusive denial, regarding the reality of emotional abuse.

seeking, finding and receiving, validation and genuine support, as soon as is possible, really does makes a difference.

Leah

[towrite]

My Nmom wrote me a letter when I moved back to my hometown that if I did or said anything to embarrass her, she'd cut me out of her will.

How's that??

Towrite

[Bones]

storm: 

It is part of the futile exercise of trusting the untrustworthy, seeking love from the unloving, seeking care from the uncaring, seeking mercy from the merciless.

I am exhausted reading this, Storm.  I have spent so much of my life doing all of the above.  I suppose we all do to some point, but you get to a certain age and although there is gratitude for the enlightenment and growth that comes from these escapades there is also such a sense of lost time, don't you think?  Pretty much, though, I feel free today.  Life is not perfect, but I am very protective of my boundaries these days.  I am unwilling to allow the negativity in anymore.  And, the teenagers think they have the cornerstone on "My Space". Try to tell that to someone in recovery in the Voiceless Forum.   

ANS     

Agree ANS

Sometimes, especially lately, have sat here and thought why did I waste those precious years, the best years really, seeking love from the unloving, trusting the untrustworthy, and, yes even seeking mercy from the merciless.

My heartfelt hope is that due to the resources available today via the internt, especially Voicelessness Forum, and other empowering and supportive sites, others won't have to lose precious years of their lives, walking lost in the wilderness of ignorance and abusive denial, regarding the reality of emotional abuse.

seeking, finding and receiving, validation and genuine support, as soon as is possible, really does makes a difference.

Leah

Also, when we have the misfortune of being born to an Nmother, we have no way of knowing any better.  Just like a spitting cobra, these Nmothers projected their venom onto us and, for years, we blamed ourselves for it.  Now we are beginning to understand that we did NOTHING wrong by simply being born.  Until now, when we discovered this Board, we had no way of knowing how to put all the pieces of this jigsaw puzzle together.  Once we obtained that skill, then we were finally able to see the Big Picture.

Bones

[reallyME]

Thank you for the Luke 17:3 ministries info and Stormy, you said it all, right here:

And that's where a lot of these 'perceptual taboos' come from. We all know, intellectually, that there HAVE to be 'bad mothers', and LOTS of them, even, for so many people to be so messed up! We all know our OWN mothers - or fathers - must have fallen down on the job somewhere or we wouldn't be on this board trying to glue our lives back together! But the pressure of denial upon us, from society and even sometimes from our own training, is so fierce.

Even that bit about 'oh, they did the best they could'.

Well, some of them didn't always.

And sometimes they knew it.

And sometimes they didn't do their best because they just didn't want to!

And they knew that too.

Hugs,

Stormy

[Dazed1]

Bones & Reallyme,

You guys sum it all up:  we're glueing together the jigsaw pieces of our lives due to Nmoms and the taboo.

dazed

[Bones]

Bones & Reallyme,

You guys sum it all up:  we're glueing together the jigsaw pieces of our lives due to Nmoms and the taboo.

dazed

Thanks, Dazed!

Bones

[Stormchild]

And we have a place where we can work on our puzzles together now.

[Bones]

And we have a place where we can work on our puzzles together now.

And some more pieces just came together!

I remember when I was attending group therapy, I described to the therapist how Nmom had constantly attempted to force me to become a "mindless, brainless, extension of her".  The therapist looked at me as if I had three heads and discounted that any mother would ever do that to her child!  YECK!!!

Bones

[Stormchild]

Ouch, Bones.

Quelle jercque.

I hope you got out of that group PDQ...

[Dazed1]

Bones,

bad Ts are dangerous. 

dazed

[Bones]

Ouch, Bones.

Quelle jercque.

I hope you got out of that group PDQ...

Actually, the therapist dumped the group.  She decided she had her own issues to deal with but made no effort to have another therapist take over the group so we simply got dumped on our a$$es and left to fend for ourselves.  She was probably an N.

Bones

[Bones]

Bones,

bad Ts are dangerous. 

dazed

And boy, did I learn that the hard way!

Bones