the hardest part

[towrite]

Thanks, GS and Hopalong. The hardest part for me now is that I want to say or do something to make a difference in her. I know that's a futile wish, but my gut wants it so bad. I find I am actually angry to discover she's an NSO. Angry with her and very disappointed that I have to take another path. I suspect she was sexually abused as a child by a father whose standard reply to any trouble or crisis was, "Jesus will take care of it." He was/is a fundamentalist preacher who ruled her by guilt. She had him on a pedestal. Her mother verbally and emotionally abused her; neglect and rejection and condemnation were her companions even before she could talk. Is this common?

I cut her a lot of slack for that during the 8 years; after the most recent betrayal of me, though, I just don't have any more slack to cut. It's hard to give up someone after 8 years. Even when you know they're toxic.

[Hopalong]

Wow, Towrite.
My Nish mother's father was a fundamentalist preacher who sexually abused his daughters, though she claims "he only tried it with me."

She is 96, I'm 56. I have flung myself into the effort to make the reality of her deep-seated personality different than it is for decades.

She is not different.

But I have let go wanting needing hoping for and now, finally, even wishing for, anything different.
YEARS of therapy revolved around her. Two marriages failed because I lacked the self-worth to pick kind men.

All I can tell you is, I don't know how common that particular family profile is, but...heed my story if you can. It'd be hard to let go of your wishes, but could give you so many happier years.

Hopalong