trying to stay away for my own mental health

[towrite]

I have just recently discovered - after 8 tumultuous years - that my SO has narcissistic personality disorder - in spades. It is my own diagnosis, not that of a therapist, but is too fitting for me to ignore. The substance abuse is there, and, as always, aggravates her behavior. After a painful telephone conversation recently, in which she was very drunk, she spoke the words which were the last straw in betrayal. Now I understand fully that, if I were to share how badly she hurt me, her immediate response would be swift and angry denial and throwing the blame back on me. I have lived through so many years of feeling it was me, I was the crazy one, and I am not willing to go down that raod again. She is angry because I have withdrawn to contemplate the cost of this rel'ship - I guess that makes me her supply. I just can't take the pressure of her demands for me to fill her needs. I just hope to God I can maintain my distance - for my own sake.

[Gaining Strength]

Wow towrite.  I hear how much pain is involved.  I admire your courage for finally drawing the line.  You can read through some of the posts here and see that many of us have had difficulty drawing the line.  That is the nature of involvement with an N.  I hope you will find understanding and encouragement here. - Gaining Strength

[Hopalong]

I hope so, too, Towrite.
I am sorry. The recognition shock is powerful.

But BRAVO to you for finding out and for beginning to take care of yourself!

You'll find this place a wonderful support.
Post a lot and post often...nothing's too trivial and I've found this place never stops caring.

Welcome.
Hopalong

[towrite]

Thanks, Hopalong and Gaining Strength. The hardest thing for me now is that I want to make a difference in her by something I say, write, or do. Intellectually I know it's hopeless, but tell that to my gut!

[towrite]

Wow towrite.  I hear how much pain is involved.  I admire your courage for finally drawing the line.  You can read through some of the posts here and see that many of us have had difficulty drawing the line.  That is the nature of involvement with an N.  I hope you will find understanding and encouragement here. - Gaining Strength

Thanks, GS. The hardest part for me now is that I want so bad to say, write, or do something to make a difference in her. Intellectually I know that's futile - but tell that to my gut!

towrite

[Hopalong]

Sympathies, Towrite.

The urge to persuade, force, inspire, urge, convince the other to change is the last bit of CoDependency to yield. (I have written passionate encyclopedias to Ns, none of which made a particle of difference, ultimately.)

I guess I would just ask, given that your mind has recognized that this is an incurable disorder unless the Nindividual actively and determinedly seeks out help for themselves...which is as likely as it raining cheese...

What is the best use of your precious life's time and energy to support your healing and potential happiness?

Is that exhausting fruitless torturous draining effort...it?

I wish I'd answered that question better for myself, and years sooner than I did. I hope you will.

Glad you're here,
Hopalong