Please help with my dream

[Dazed1]

Hi Everyone,

You all were so good interpreting Izzy's dream, I was hoping you could help me with mine.

Last night, I had this dream and it bugs me.

Last night's dream:  I was in my house and my mother was there (she was alive) and I believe I turned on a blender, but it wouldn't work and it melted.  I looked at my mother and asked her "am I dead?" and she looked at me and softly and sadly shook her head and said "yes".  And, then I kind of knew that she was dead and that I had joined her.

So, what do you think the dream means? 
Thanks,
dazed

[Overcomer]

Dazed:  Interesting that you considered her your best friend but she was an N??  I don't see how you could be best friends with an N.  At least I could NEVER be best friends with my nmom.

Maybe after all the therapy you realized that the relationship you had with your mom as you knew it was dead.  Maybe the melting of the blender was a symbol of everything you knew about that relationship melted before your eyes.

No, I don't think you are dying.  Dreams are crazy.  I picked up a book at work that talked about symbolism in dreams.  I mean, they had numbers and animals and buildings etc. 

Don't know if that is help at all but..................I tried................

[Dazed1]

Hi Kell,

T said that my Foo was a "closed family system" with tight boundaries around the foo, but porous boundaries among members of the foo.  So, the pain, anger and feelings of one member of the foo was the the pain, anger and feelings of EACH member of the foo. 

In short, until I went to therapy, I didn't know, didn't realize how damaging my foo was.  So, for me, therapy was a very painful wake up call.

"Maybe after all the therapy you realized that the relationship you had with your mom as you knew it was dead."  That's FOR SURE!!!

"Maybe the melting of the blender was a symbol of everything you knew about that relationship melted before your eyes." I hope.  This interpretation would be very positive for me.

Thanks ((((((((kell))))))))).

love,
dazed

[isittoolate]

hi Dazed

My first thought was that the OLD you is dead and you are building a NEW you.

If the dearly departed can see us, then your Mom would know what you are doing and learning, and you will be pulling away from that enmeshment--perhaps  REALLY a thought in the back of your head, that you haven't pulled to the forefront?

Good luck

Izzy

[Overcomer]

Whoa, Dazed!!  You were stuck back in the day when I thought my mother was my confidante.............I would do anything she said.  She told me to not be friends with any of our employees.  I lived in my town for 15 years and didn't have one friend..............only a bunch of acquaintances.  I did things that she wanted me to do (0nly to resent her later - but I couldn't say no)  I would never admit that I drank alcohol.....even if it was totally social.  (Still won't drink in front of my parents..........mind block on that one.........sufficiently brainwashed that way..........)  Problem was even though everything seemed "ok" I secretly hated my mom and resented her - A LOT.  I got to have a breakdown!!  A blow up!!  A boundary with a hatchet!!  You didn't get to do that.............living in denial.  What a rude awakening to discover this after she died!!

(((dazed)))

Kelly

[gratitude28]

Dazed, I am pretty sure that death in a dream never has to do with actually dying.

If you dream of death it's a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it's a sign of death.

If you should dream of a deceased person and this person speaks only to you, pay close attention to what the spirit is telling you as it could be very important to you.


Dead, to see one's self: Death of some defect. Good in the psychological aspect.

Do you remeber any other details? Color... what was in the blender??? Feeling associated with the dream  (fear, distress, etc)?

If you were the favored child, it is hard to see past the favoritism. Who doesn't love to be worshipped? But obviously, you have taken that into account now and you realize that your mother didn't love you for YOU. And that may be what is bothering you. I am sure it was easier before you knew all this. How is your relationship with your sister?

I will look up more if you give me some more associations.
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

I was wondering about the blender too. Do you think you are just so mixed up from what you believed and what you know and if you whirl it all together it is confusing and causes a melt down??? Or is that too literal????

[retread]

hi dazed

first pastin in your dream
,,,..
Last night's dream:  I was in my house and my mother was there (she was alive) and I believe I turned on a blender, but it wouldn't work and it melted.  I looked at my mother and asked her "am I dead?" and she looked at me and softly and sadly shook her head and said "yes".  And, then I kind of knew that she was dead and that I had joined her.
,,....
so here goes some thoughts ...
the blender could be about how you could had thought u could blend harmoniously with your mom as best friend..
and that it melted,,, some awareness that the blending concept when scruntinized
, the blender could not stand the scrutiny of new insights[fire] and melted so it no longer worked...
but you only partially are freed of this and still looking to what gave you sense of nurturance[mother]
and that old nurturance no longer works for you.....
and in a way you are sad that you cant tap into it like you thought you could...
and knowing that you had joined her....
i think would be that the former sense of joy
could no longer give the same sense of support....

when a narcissist favors someone
one can be enthralled and in a way feel empowered
that is not totally without some kind of positive aspects
as i think one's guardian angels might realize there are some lessons
that are of some worth about some positive aspects of enthusiasm
tho mixed with hidden and entangled energies

the way i think narcissist work is even tho they let someone join
in as an enthusiastic cohort
that the others real sense of true self and enthusiasm
tho one might not realize that that is happening
becomes a kind of doubt about oneself
so as to highlight the narcissist version of their wonderfu self....

one of my sisters used to at times question some aspects of our mother
but i think when issues in her life troubled her and raised doubts about herself and her enthusiasm
that old hook of mothers energy and joy became appealing
as a way out of her doubt and to energize herself..
which by the grace of god might help to some degree
get her thru something and even over the hidden and toxic stuff
without really realizing she has freed herself of it...

but when that sister wants to tell me how wonderful mom really
was and there isnt anything mom wouldnt do for one...
kinda sticks in my  craw.. is that how it is spelled....

[isittoolate]

hi again dazed

I saw you had a pile of replies so checked in again.

When asked about the blender, I thought "all mixed up" before I read yours---and that one was very literal.... good!

The final result would be what you reap from the posts and mix with your own feelings?

xx00
izzy

[Stormchild]

Hi dazed

I think... and I haven't read anybody else's post here... this dream is about discovering your mother's underlying hostility. The blender could represent you trying to make everything blend or fit together, the way it once seemed to do. No wonder it not only wouldn't work for you, but actually melted down [our subconscious minds are terrible punsters sometimes]...

Your subconscious seems to have figured out that your mother's enmeshment with you came, it seems, from her not wanting you to have your own separate existence. Rejecting your sister - and using you as an ally against her - basically kept you from being able to develop the one 'peer relationship' available to you within the family, and kept you tied to and dependent on Mommy dearest... while also making sure you and Sis would never compare notes...

If this is true, if she didn't want you to have a life of your own, it would make perfect sense that she would not want you to have a life AT ALL once she did not... so of course, she would tell you that you are in whatever state she is in.

Your subconscious has really figured this all out. Very elegant and compact presentation, too. Heed the message, but fear not. The depths of your mind are already on your side! Your 'truth detector' doesn't want you to be like your mother is. So much so, that it will even melt down a harmless household blender - in your dreams - to get the point across to you. That's power!

OK, now I'll go back and look at what everyone else here has said, and probably feel very silly but that's OK... this is about you and your healing, dear, not about whether I feel silly or not .

Edit in: Hi retread, it looks as though we took similar interpretations here!

[Dazed1]

Hi All,

Wow!!  I really love all you guys (gals) so much for helping me. ((((((Love & Gratitude to you all)))))


Kell
You really get where I’m coming from.  Yes, I have been “stuck back in the day”!!!  When I finally realized my Mom’s Nism and my Foo’s Nism, I could have puked!!

“I did things that she wanted me to do (Only to resent her later - but I couldn't say no)”  Yup, me too.

I did have breakdowns and blow ups with her: we fought a lot: I think she loved to fight, I always hated it.  But, due to my guilt and fear of abandonment, I could never establish boundaries with her or BREAKAWAY FROM HER.  She would not LET me have boundaries. 

Anyway, thank you ((((((((((((Kell))))))))) for the confirmation and validation.


Izzy
I love the blooming flowers.  Kinda a metaphor of my current stage in life:  I’m blooming into a whole new person, an adult.

“the OLD you is dead and you are building a NEW you.”  In reality, this is how I feel and this is true.

“pulling away from that enmeshment”   Yes, Izzy, I am pulling away from it and now I’m conscious that I’m pulling away from enmeshment.  Yes, that is very true.

“I thought "all mixed up".  Yes, Izzy, excellent metaphor and it is true:  I am all mixed up and confused about what I was before mom died and what I am now.

Thank you ((((((Izzy)))))).


Gratitude
I can see you really researched this for me.  Thank you (((((((((((Gratitude)))))))))).

I have also heard that if you dream of death, it means birth.  But, the spooky part is that I asked my Mom if I was dead and she said “yes” and it felt like I was going to join her in death.

“If you should dream of a deceased person and this person speaks only to you, pay close attention to what the spirit is telling you as it could be very important to you.”   Arg!!:  She told me I was dead.

“To dream of seeing a deceased person is normally a dream of warning, and it tells you that the influences around you at this time do not bode well for your affairs, and you should not enter into any binding contracts or verbal agreements.”   Arg, again.

“Death of some defect. Good in the psychological aspect.”   That’s good; I am in the midst of major changes and the changes are for the better.

I don’t know what was in the blender.

In the dream, I felt resigned, like  “OK, I’m dead.  I’m going to join all my dead relatives”.  (Are there Ns in the afterlife???!!!)

My mom NEVER worshipped me, she just battered me less than my sister.

My sister cannot hold a job.  I support her.  My T said that my sister is mentally ill, but I don’t know if that’s true. 

“Do you think you are just so mixed up from what you believed and what you know and if you whirl it all together it is confusing and causes a melt down???”  Absolutely, Beth.  Excellent insight.  I’m so fixated on the death aspect, that I overlooked this metaphor of the blender representing confusion.

Thank you sooo much ((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))).


CB
CB, you really hit on something with cooking. 

My mom was an excellent chef.  But, every time I was with her in the kitchen and I tried to make a dish, she would interject and say something like “you’re doing it wrong, let me show you how to do it” and then she’d take over and make the entire dish while I watched.

So, cooking with mom was an Nish experience.

Thanks ((((((((((CB))))))))


retread
“the blender could be about how you could had thought u could blend harmoniously with your mom as best friend..”  Wow retread!!  That is insightful.

“and that it melted,,, some awareness that the blending concept when scruntinized
, the blender could not stand the scrutiny of new insights[fire] and melted so it no longer worked...”   Wow, retread, double insightful!!

“but you only partially are freed of this and still looking to what gave you sense of nurturance[mother]
and that old nurturance no longer works for you.....
and in a way you are sad that you cant tap into it like you thought you could..”   You’re blowing my mind!!

“and knowing that you had joined her....
i think would be that the former sense of joy
could no longer give the same sense of support....”   Wow, Wow, Wow!!!!!

Retread, I love your interpretation and I think you’re correct in many ways because you have described my conscious thoughts on this:  My life can/will never be what it was.  The comfort, support that I had or thought I had is gone.  I am sad that mom’s comfort and support is gone, but, I also wonder whether she truly gave me comfort and support or whether she gave me some type of Nish thing, which in reality was neither comfort nor support.

“positive aspects of enthusiasm
tho mixed with hidden and entangled energies”.   Absolutely, retread, there were both positive and negative energies.

“the way i think narcissist work is even tho they let someone join
in as an enthusiastic cohort
that the others real sense of true self and enthusiasm
tho one might not realize that that is happening
becomes a kind of doubt about oneself
so as to highlight the narcissist version of their wonderfu self....”    Very interesting.  I agree with you, but my mom had very low self esteem, yet she always thought she was right and she knew best.  It’s so confusing.

“one of my sisters used to at times question some aspects of our mother
but i think when issues in her life troubled her and raised doubts about herself and her enthusiasm
that old hook of mothers energy and joy became appealing
as a way out of her doubt and to energize herself..”    I think I did this too.  I ran home to mommy because I felt afraid and believed I had no other place to go. 

Thank you (((((((retread))))))).

Thank you SO Much (((((((((Everyone))))))))))).
Love and Blessings to you all.

Love,
dazed

[gratitude28]

Wow, storm,
Your posts always amaze me. You get right to the point somehow (great wisdom...). How does one get so wise????? Very clear.
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

OK, dazed, you'll be sick of hearing from me... but I have a few more little notes...

Feeling like an adult for the first time... Ain't it the truth???? We never got to go through a normal childhood ar adolescence, so we hhave to learn how to do all that as an adult, without developed coping skills.

Feeling sick when you realize someone is an N... I felt like I had been punched int he stomache the day I realized that my mother doesn't love me and never will. It made so much sense, but it hurt so much. And I badly wanted to hurt her back.

The old you IS dead...Your mother said you are dead, because you are. The girl that did what mom wanted and played all her games is gone.

And last, one more question for you... Are you afraid of death for some reason? Why?

Lots of love,
Beth

[Stormchild]

... Thanks Beth! ...  

[Dazed1]

Stormy, Stormy, Stormy,

You have really blown my mind!!!!!!!

"If this is true, if she didn't want you to have a life of your own, it would make perfect sense that she would not want you to have a life AT ALL once she did not... so of course, she would tell you that you are in whatever state she is in."

So, you’re right:  She did not want me to have my own life.  Thus, if she has no life, I shouldn’t either:  if she is dead, I should also be dead.  Wow!! 

Yes, the subconscious mind is a punster.  Due to the enmeshment, if she has no life, then, I should have no life.  Yes, that is why in the dream, I felt so resigned to being dead. 

Wow, this is heavy and sad.

Thank you for helping me.

Love,
dazed