Author Topic: "Pet" Peeve  (Read 2333 times)

gratitude28

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"Pet" Peeve
« on: January 28, 2007, 06:55:35 PM »
A cute message to pets that pet lovers will enoy... but please read afterward too as this is a huge issue with me:

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

 


My mother sent this to me. She added a note that she liked the last line the best (about the pregnancy).

If you all remember a while back, I wrote about my mother's pets and some people bristled. I realized that it is not the pets per se (I've got more than I should have :) ) but the fact that the pets have ALWYAS come before us (the kids). She spent tons of money buying new animals, but wouldn't get us stuff without complaining or freaking out that she then had no money. And, before, she would buy pets, but then freak out when she had to pay for vet bills and stuff... have to rebudget all that. (Money never met ends and everything is like a big surprise except the initial purchase).
When I got my Henry, she was way more thrilled than when I had my children. She adores stories about him and listens to stories about the kids. She even liked my guinea pig more than the kids it seemed.
And this little "joke" to me is far more annoying than funny, because it is utterly true. And I know she worried constantly that I would become pregnant (it was her worst fear and she was always looking for signs of it. She wouldn't talk to me about it but ran off with me to Planned Parenthood in 11th grade just in case. I wanted to think it was being prudent on her part, but she was just sure as sure that I would get knocked up).

So... One more big issue unraveled!!! One step at a time. It feels so good when you can pin down what bothers you!!!

Thank you all for being here.

Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Overcomer

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2007, 06:58:55 PM »
Beth!!  How cute!!  I have two dogs and two cats....We have dog hair everywhere.  We adopted all four of them at the shelter!!  We love them like our children - but I have three of those money sucking children, too!!  But I love them as well!
Kelly

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Leah

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #2 on: January 28, 2007, 07:16:58 PM »
Oh Beth how lovely!  And I have fur-niture too!  Love my furry four legged rascals  :)
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Stormchild

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #3 on: January 28, 2007, 09:34:28 PM »
((((((((((Beth))))))))))

Isn't it awful when Ns use someone you love as a way of withholding love from you!

I'm actually feeling weirdly grateful that my Nmom hated the pets as much as she did... she hated them because my father loved them, and I loved them, and they loved him back, and me back.

Trying to imagine what it would have felt like to have her pushing them in front of me the way she pushed my Nsib in front of me all my life. Oh my. I'm so glad I can just love them without having that complicate things.

FURniture indeed...
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gratitude28

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2007, 10:39:17 PM »
On the lighter note, happily, my hubby came home and got a new vacuum cleaner and deFURnished our furniture. I don't know how a short-haired dog can shed so much, nor how his hair ends upstairs when he isn't up there except once a week or so when he sneaks up there...

I am soon to go through the heartbreak of giving away our piggies (Ralph or Ralphette and Ted or Tedina) and all my guppies I have bred for three years and my huge oranda named sumo. Also have to be without Henry for a couple of months so he can fly before it gets too hot. And, alas, I hope my mother in law (a sweet and wonderful woman who would never complain) is OK with taking care of High Maintenance Henry... I feel guilty about that too.
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

gratitude28

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2007, 12:08:11 AM »
Hi CB,
Well, we live in Japan right now and my husband is in the military. Henry is a n Okinawan bulldog... His parents are here somewhere on the island (I have always wished I could have seen them).
So... when we get reassignes, we will tkae Henry with us. We hope to know in the next few days where we will be going (on the list, Germany, San Antonio, Hawaii, but it could end up being somewhere else...). At any rate, it gets REALLY hot here in the summer and we don't want to run the risk of him dying from the heat... It happens a lot with bulldogs here, especially when they take the military flights as they tend to sit on the tarmac for long periods of time...
So, I will purchase a ticket for my delicate dog to fly back in safety and security... My husband keeps saying I could have gotten a dog from the pound with no dietary and skin problems who could have flown back for free, but NOOOOOOO I had to buy the most expensive dog. But gosh, he was SUCH a cute puppy...

Could you have passed him up?

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Gaining Strength

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2007, 12:08:28 AM »
It feels so good when you can pin down what bothers you!!!

((((((((((((Beth))))))))))))



That Henry is the cutest thing!!!
« Last Edit: January 29, 2007, 12:10:39 AM by Gaining Strength »

Stormchild

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2007, 07:44:23 AM »
Oh my lord, what a cutie! What a FACE! I love those little spots next to his nose.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

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gratitude28

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Re: "Pet" Peeve
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2007, 07:30:28 PM »
Yes, I went to get a goldfish and found him... another couple was looking at him too and I KNEW I shouldn't do it... but I HAD to have him... Not like me to make a HUGE impulsive purchase and a major life decision. My husband was deployed. He called me that night and was worried I would be upset because he had taken $60 out and somehow lost it... I had to 'fess up that I had bought a family companion and spent over 2,000 on him... My husband was NOT happy. He did not grow up with pets and it was such a big committment. But they are buddies now. So all's well that ends well. We were trying to remember life BH (before Henry) the other day... can't imagine :)

BTW, storm, thanks for putting a finger on what it was that bothered me... you are right... everything was a losing competition for me and the animals were always the winners in the affection game.
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams