Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Hello everyone, I'm new here, and really need some advice!

(1/3) > >>

sunnydeeelite:
Hello everyone, I am so glad to have found this message board! My husband is a "classic" case. His actions and personality fit every description I have read about narcissists. We are seperated, he left me, thankfully, for the second time a couple of months ago. I don't know if any of you can relate to the "ants in the brain" feeling, that almost insane feeling of anxiety and distortion where you want to claw out of yourself. When I am around him, I feel that way.
A little more history, I am 34, he's 35. When we met, almost 5 years ago, when both our spouses divorced us. They had both succumbed to infidelity, so we had that in common. We also both had custody of our children. His were 2 and 4, and mine was 9. It seemed perfect, almost too perfect. As time went on, everything started to crumble. He began putting me down, he wouldn't work, he pressured me to do things I didn't want to do, and labeled ME controlling when I started refusing to do everything he asked. I think that's called projection. He was so afraid of intimacy, he couldnt even kiss me. His ex-wife had the same issues. Other areas of intimacy were limited. It was for self gratification, very quick, always. he was possessive and easily angered.
I could write forever about it!
What I want to know is this. I now live alone with my daughter, we got an apartment, after he bankrupted me and left me with a foreclosure. He is still trying to keep me on a string by telling me he may want to be with me again one day. I know that isn't possible. When I try to have NO contact, he becomes enraged. He pursues me, calls, messages and then starts to threaten me if I dont respond. He today tried to extort money from me because he has no money for his own bills. He said if i didnt give him $200 he would mess me up bad, never saying what he meant. I asked him and he said, "Wait and see, I'm giving you until tonight"
I know you guys don't know me or him, but I am wondering if I should get a TPO. Do you guys think narcissists are all talk or should I really be worried that he will do something to me??
Have any of you ever been victimized violently by your narcissist?
I am at my wits end.
Thanks for reading this!

skidz:
Yes I have
Is there a place you can go that he doesnt know where you are? Find a womens shelter, they can keep you safe from him and help you place restraining orders against him. Document anything and everything, it will help you in the long run...I made the mistake of not taking his threats seriously and found myself in several dangerous situations. Dont post where you are going. He will find you if he wants to if you dont cover your tracks. Be safe
Skiddlez

Peach Guest:
Welcome Sunnydeeelite,

I don't want to scare you but I do feel this is not a matter to be taken lightly.  

From what you have described, your x partner fits the profile of potential criminally violent offenders.    The enraged harrassment/stalking when you try to distance yourself, threatening to physically hurt you...


Perhaps he was speaking out of financial desperation this time, but given what could happen if you are wrong, I don't think it is worth the risk to view it that way.  

I don't know if he was ever physically violent with you while you were together.   If so, the scenario is worse.


I think that you should have the threat recorded/on file in law enforcement and seek counseling from a battered womens shelter counselor or a counselor specializing in spousal abuse.    They are used to dealing with these cases and probably would have a lot of helpful advice for you.

My main advice to you would be do not assume anything to his benefit, take what he said seriously, and do not take any chances.

Also, keep a very, very close watch over your children.  Moreso than you normally would.

Take care of yourself-- I truly wish you all the best.

Anonymous:
One thing about this type of guy. They are cowards. The worst type. It is impossible to know what he may do. Because of this you must go to the police. It doesn't matter if he denies it. They will believe you. Too many women are killed and injured every year because of guys like this. The only people who can deal with him are the police. So often a restraining or domestic violence orders do work. I've seen it dozens of times. These cowards back of completely when it comes to having to deal with the authorities. The orders can also restrict him from phoning you, or going within so many k's of your home. Go to the police. You have a child to protect as well as yourself. A magistrate once said to me, "Only certain types ever even make these types of threats, guys who do make such threats must be taken seriously, they have already crossed over into a mindset and a world we know nothing about, but have to try to clean up the results." Please take any and all precautions. Get your family involved if you have any. Can someone come to stay with you? Can you go and stay with family? Talk to your neighbours to keep an eye out, it can be awkward momentarily, but often you find people are wiling to help, and if they hear anything they'll know what to do, call the police. The other poster said a women's refuge. This is such a good idea too. Go to the police please. Imagine the cheek of the guy holding out that he wants to get back with you some day and then talks to you and threatens you like this. What a nutter and a creep. Take care and all the best.
 

Guest

sunnydeeelite:
Thank you so much guys for all the advice!!! I really feel like I am not alone now. He is fluctuating mentally at this point. I can remove myself and see with clarity every now and then what he is doing. He's trying so desperately to keep me as a narcissistic supply, all the while knowing that he is using me. A friend of mine said something so profound today. She said that we are the cured meat in the cellar, and when there isn't any fresh food to be had, they come and gnaw on us for awhile, until there is another source available again. And that's true. For me, anyway.
What I want to know is, are they what can be considered true evil? Are they psychic vampires, sent here to suck the life and sanity from us? He has told me how rotten I am, how stupid I am, but yet, he refuses to leave me alone. We expect rationality from them, but forget that is not possible!!!!!!! If any of you are on Yahoo messenger, and want to talk privately, please IM me, I'm sunnydeeelite. I'm starting to wonder if this is a genetic problem, a neurological problem....
when my husband was born, he wasn't breathing. I wonder if he suffered from a lack of oxygen that destroyed certain areas of cells in his brain, like the empathy and compassion area!!!! Also, he had problems as a child with hyperactivity and violence. His family finally sent him away.
Have any of you had the same experiences? Please massage me here or email or IM me in private!
Thanks,
Lisa

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page