Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
narcisism?
cj:
Post deleted by c.j.
cj:
Me again (can't seem to log in as it wont accept my name/ password.)
When I was in college, its strange because i seemed to get on with everybody. People liked me. But I get the feeling they always thought i was a bit of a mystery, and like i was holding something back. I was very self conscious. The personality I let out (act! God I didn't/Don't even know who I was anyway) was an ameable one I guess. Easy to get on with. The very fact i ran into conflict with so few people was no doubt the fact that I was like this. Then again, I guess I am an ok person, but at the same time, god knows what I'd do, or done, if i ran into conflict with someone who didn't like me, esecially as im questioning the way i've always been (having to be liked/accepted). Thats partly my fear to, and i need to know i can handle people, before going out there. Its scarey, especially when i fragment (or threaten to) with every new step. Trying to hold who I am together. Its like building a wall, just for it to keep falling back down. Trying to get a foothold.
rosencrantz:
Jeez - What parents do to a guy.
It doesn't matter what label to stick on your mother, she ain't good for you - or maybe she's extra careful about you because you are so sensitive - it's difficult to know sometimes where it all starts. But it becomes a vicious downward spiral.
But the only person who can get you out of this is you - and you just need to take that step, step, step and just stick something out until you get to the end. You won't die and you won't implode. Just keep on going.
I've got a link here that relates to something you said in an earlier post : http://www.saskworld.com/bodymindspirit/edition17/07_article_judith.htm
If someone says you're being 'sensitive' it can be a patronising put down to make you stop being a whining ninny but sometimes we ARE just too sensitive for 'this' world. So if this relates to you, you need to start learning how to keep the world at arm's length in energy terms rather than in 'real' terms. It's possible to be hugely sensitive AND be in the world and around people.
You're moving out - that's a great step. Your mother may be genuinely worried or she may be a vampire (!) but either way, just decide what you want to do and just keep moving - step, step, step.
Best wishes to you, cj
R
rosencrantz:
Hello again cj - I wrote that post before you wrote your last one!! Just to say that the only way to know if you can handle folk is to get on out there and do it. Practice on us, by all means :wink: But I think you need much more one on one support from someone kind who can help you take those baby steps. Sometimes life IS just too overwhelming for us to do it all alone.
R
cj:
Yes, I know what you mean. I find it hard to *connect* with people online, and believe me ive been chatting on it for four years, even baring in mind the format and its limitations. I've had countless 'friends' coem and go. People don't *Stick* with me if you get what I mean. I either block out the possibility of forming any closeness, or things just don't seem to register properly, and *get through* to me. Perhaps I am running away from myself/feeling, as usual. I think its just years and years of not getting help. I've closed myself of, or my emotions and pressed myself down. It really is like im all locked up. The result is anxiety/fear.
My therapy is all I've got really, but it is helping, slowly. I think I need to have a breakdown, but I'm scared of it.
Anyway, thanks for your post.:)
--- Quote from: rosencrantz ---Hello again cj - I wrote that post before you wrote your last one!! Just to say that the only way to know if you can handle folk is to get on out there and do it. Practice on us, by all means :wink: But I think you need much more one on one support from someone kind who can help you take those baby steps. Sometimes life IS just too overwhelming for us to do it all alone.
R
--- End quote ---
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version