Do you try and fix everything?

[Tempesta59]

I had a Sister in Law that told me that, and also an older Sister.  My little Sister could suck the oxygen from the room.  My Cousin told me that the other day, lol.  She is just so draining.  It is always me me me, always about her.  She has recently went through a divorce and has lost a lot of weight which has made it worse.  You will try to talk to her about things, and the conversation always goes back to here, how many bfs she has yadda, yadda, yadda.  Nevermind the reason I called her was to tell her updates on Our Brother who is dying.   Her kids think more of me as their Mom, which is sad.  I love them very much and they are good kids.  I am always trying to fix things and make them better. 

I always put myself on the back burner but this thing going on with my Brother and now with my Son who has gone to jail, is taking it's toll.  It would just be nice if she asked about Our Brother and mean it, or ask how I am doing.

My Mother is the one that has made her the way she is, always making excuses for her to us other siblings.  But there comes a time when you have to grow up and take responsibility, ya know? 

Sorry for the vent, I just wondered if anyone else could be going through this with a sibling?  Why can't people just stop with the act, and truely care?  Just stop thinking of themselves for a change. 

[gratitude28]

((((Tempesta))))))))))
Justr wanted to say hello and welcome. It is hard to feel alone and then to have everyone around you so self-absorbed they don't see it or want to help (or even be friendly in a normal way...).
Love, Beth

[pennyplant]

My sister has always been about herself.  It is part of why I am here!!!  The last few years things have evolved to where she is a very, very small part of my life.  We have occasional email contact.  Gifts in the mail at Christmas and birthday.  That's about all I can handle with her actually.  It seems like she has changed a little.  But not enough to where I want to be close to her or talk on the phone.

Pennyplant

[Tempesta59]

Thank you both for you understanding.  I guess we all have to have at least one like that in families, don't we?  My husband does.  He has five sisters, and the one that is my little sister's age, is pretty much about herself also.  I hate that, how can you always be putting yourself first?  My little sister is always asking me why our older sis and bro hate her?  I try to explain things gently to her, I don't want to hurt her, but she just does not get it. 

Penny, my Sisters live in the same town as me.  When it gets to be too much, I don't answer my phone and detach from her.  Gosh, if she finds out I am home alone, she is right there! Yikes!  Her poor kids come to me to talk.  She even competes with her 19 year old Daughter!  Geeeez.

Ty for the warm welcome and understanding.  It means a lot.  Take care.

[Hopalong]

Hi Tempesta, welcome.

My only sibling and I are not close. Gradually, in our 50s, we've found some warmth for each other. But occasional emails and visits once or twice a year are ample for me. (He bullied me throughout childhood, but his struggles since made it easier to forgive...I just am not drawn to him as a person and we have little in common.) I can honestly say I'm glad he exists but I'm not very comfortable around him. He has honesty issues.

So I've made a family out of close friends. Church.

It helped me when I stopped being angry and accepted that he just is who he is.

Glad you're here, keep posting...

Hopalong

[gratitude28]

Tempest,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. What will happen with his children when he passes on? Is he suffering? It must be hard when I am sure you would like to have someone to talk about him with. We'd love to hear more about your brother and his family.
And your son? What happened?
Please share if you feel comfortable.
((((((Tempest)))))))))
Love, Beth

[Tempesta59]

Ty all for such a warm welcome.  What caring people you are!
Well for starters, there are three of us sisters, and one brother.  My older Sis is 15 years older then I, and my Brother is 13 years older, and my younger Sis is 2 years younger then I.  Bad blood between my older siblings and younger sis.  A lot due to our Mother.  My father passed away 12 years ago, and my Mother 9 years now.  She favored my younger Sis, she did no wrong.  I have always had to be the go between and try and keep the peace.  Over the years this still goes on.  I just think things should be forgiven and just move on, but it is not to be, not right now.  I went to see my sick Brother and his family, very good people.  He lives in AZ, I went to see him last month and it was wayyyyy worst then I thought.  He has aged a lot, last time I seen him was 3 years ago.  My younger Sis wants to see him, my sis in law is very kind, but has put it in a gentle way, not now.  I think my younger sis shouldn't push it, he is under a lot of stress and should heal a bit first.  My older sis wants to see him this summer, but I don't know if she will.  She has went through a bad marriage.  Her hub is like in his 50s and doing drugs, so she left him and moved back home. 

Ok, for my Brother?  He just turned 60, he has diabetes, and hepatitis.  He got the hep from work 20 years ago.  He was working as maintenace at a VA hospital and got poked with a dirty needle.  So he has to have a liver and a kidney transplant soon or he won't make it.  He just had his right leg removed below the knee before xmas, and just a few weeks ago, had to have more removed, mid thigh, cause of a staph infection, so he is very sick.  She just brought him home from the hospital.  My little sis cares but it instead of focusing on our brother, she is always concerned about her.

Now for my Son, he got busted for smoking pot last summer.  They have been fighting the plea but finally pleaded guilty and he is in jail until the end of the month.  This scares me, this is his second offense, and if he doesn't learn from this, a third time would result in a felony and possible prison time then.  He is 23, a hard worker, I think his boss is gonna keep his job, thank God.  He was saving to move out on his own, but once you are flagged in this town, you can't stay, the cops will never leave him alone now.  So he needs to try to move somewhere out of town or they will nail him.  That is how they are here, we are a small town, and lots of cops, they have been busting the young people here for merely honking your horn with no reason.  He needs to just wise up.

My hubby has been sick with stomach problems.  He was in Canada fishing with some buddies and had a attack and had to be in the hospital there. 

My nephew is a mess.  My younger Sister's boy and I would like to slap both her and her ex.  They need to make this child their main focus.  He is only 15 and has already tried to end his life.  I hired him at our business and he loves it there.  That way I can at least keep him under my wing some of the time, and show him that he is loved.

That is only part of it....I don't want to keep going on about me though.  Ty for letting me vent.  I ty again for your warm welcomes, means a lot to know I am not alone.  So many of you are going through hell yourselves.  Please take care of yourselves ok? 

[Tempesta59]

I forgot to say something else.  My Brother's kids are grown and in their 30s.  He has two Daughters and a Son.  His one daughter lives with him and his wife, thank God.  She is a blessing to them, she helps out a lot.  They are also helping raise their Son's Son.  Personally I think their Son should take more responsibility there, his Dad is sick.  A lot of it is due to the child's Mom is doing time in jail, she is a baddddd person, and their Son is trying to straighten his own life out. He was involved in drugs before the baby was born, and had to do some time in jail.  He is better now.  New gf and wonderful job, he lives with her and they are buiding a house together so I hope he can take the child then.  His little boy is only 3 and a handful, but he is so cute.   He loved playing with me.   I love kids.  I worked in the school district for years.  I do thank God that my Brother has a good and caring family caring for him.  I want to visit him again this year.  We are close, and I miss him.  His wife said my visit lifted his spirits.  So that made me happy. 

[gratitude28]

Oh, Tempest,
You have so much going on. Your poor brother. It must be so hard to fight both ailments.
Yourson does need to wise up. The good thing is that you seem to be strong about it and realize that it is his own doing. Make sure that he realizes that he is making his choices and he might want to find a new path in life... He must be well thought of if his boss wants to keep him at work and let him have another chance.
How wonderful for your nephew that he has you there to know you love him. He sounds like he is hurting terribly.
Take care and keep posting.
Love, Beth

[Hopalong]

Tempest,
I hope there is some calm and warmth for you in the middle of all these family storms.
I'm very sorry about your brother, and very glad you are able to love your nephew.
What a difference you are making in his life.

Since you can't control any of it, what are you doing to be good to yourself?

Hopalong

[Tempesta59]

It is hard to be good to myself.  I use to blame myself, I try not to do that anymore.  I will say I was a good Mom, maybe too good.  When we are to good, we only enable them longer.  I think that is my Son's case.  I haven't gotten better about it though.  Ty all for you concern, means a lot.