SOME THOUGHTS ON PASTE BELOW OF WHAT LEAH SAID ON THIS TOPIC
FIRST A PASTE OF WHAT SHE SAID
AND THEN A PASTE OF PART OF WHAT SHE SAID WITH SOME OF MY COMMENTS IN CAPS
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leah_nomoretears
Sr. Member
Posts: 352
. . . by their fruits you will know them.
Re: Unconditional Love
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2007, 05:34:16 PM »
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Unconditional love is something that I believe and especially with regard to God's love for us,
God always loves us, He may not like what we choose to do, but His love remains the same.
And so this thought provoking posting prompted me to do a little digging and reading on the subject of
Unconditional Love and Acceptance with regard to my Nmother and others.
Grateful thanks.
Leah xx
What is Unconditional love and Acceptance?
To love and accept other people unconditionally is:
Placing no conditions on the other as to how to behave or what to be in order to receive acceptance and love from you.
No use 'if...then...clauses' in establishing conditions for accepting and loving another.
Taking a risk to be open and vulnerable with another with no pre-set limits on the relationship.
"Existence" as sole rationale is to accept and love other people for the fact that they exist rather than for what they are.
Value others for themselves rather than for what they do or have done.
No strings attached to hold people in an esteemed position with acceptance and love because they exist in your world rather than for what they do for you.
Freedom to be your own person
Self-esteem enhancing is to set the stage for others to feel warmth, caring, and concern for themselves which results in their growing in self-esteem and self-worth.
When you are the recipient of unconditional acceptance and love from others, you feel:
Free to be yourself.
You have value and worth.
Wanted and desired for you as you - rather than for what you do.
Listened to and understood.
That you have yourself to offer others which in itself is worthwhile.
Warmth, cared for, and nurtured.
You are OK just the way you are.
That there is no need to wear a mask or to act in any way just to please another.
Free to be yourself and to open up your feelings with no fear of rejection or non-approval.
That it is possible to take the risk to be vulnerable with others in order to have open and honest relationships with them.
No fear of retribution or reprisal from others if you should make a mistake or experience a failure.
That there are no conditions set on your relationships with others.
What are the negative consequences of a lack of unconditional love and acceptance?
When people are NOT given unconditional acceptance and love, then they:
Feel constrained to act in ways which are inconsistent with their beliefs and feelings.
Lack the freedom to be themselves.
Live their lives to please others rather than to please themselves.
Are not given the freedom to experience the natural consequences of their own actions and decisions.
Can become dependent on others to make them feel good about themselves.
Can become very rule bound and perfectionistic in seeking to do what is "right'' or "expected'' of them in order to be accepted or loved.
Are more likely to experience low self-esteem and low self-worth.
Feel misunderstood, not approved of, and defensive.
Have poor relationship skills and experience failed relationships.
Work harder at meeting conditions and expectations set for them by others than working at becoming self-directed, self-sufficient, and self-reliant.
Can become withdrawn and isolate themselves so as not to experience future rejection and non-approval.
Confuse the need to follow rules and obey directions as the only way to be accepted and loved by others.
Believe that they can never fail or make a mistake because they would never be worthy of love or acceptance from others.
Do not learn how to accept and love themselves unconditionally and therefore are very self-critical, self-disapproving and self-punitive.
Tend to set unrealistic, no-achievable, and overly idealistic expectations for themselves which must first be met in order to accept and love themselves.
Become their own worst critics who are never able to unconditionally accept and love themselves.
OKAY HERE IS A PASTE OF PART OF WHAT LEAH SAID BUT WITH SOME COMMENTS IN CAPS
What is Unconditional love and Acceptance?
To love and accept other people unconditionally is:
Placing no conditions on the other as to how to behave or what to be in order to receive acceptance and love from you.
I THINK WHAT CAN MAKE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE MORE CLEAR IS YES THAT THE OTHER
UNCONDITIONALLY IS LOVED AND ACCEPTED BUT SUCH LOVE IN ORDER TO BE MOST EFFECTIVE
IT NEED BE CONDITIONAL ON THE CONDITIONS THAT WILL MOST BENEFIT THE OTHER AND THAT MIGHT
BE AS IN LUKE 17:3 WHERE JESUS SAYS IF YOUR BROTHER SINS AGAINST YOU REBUKE HIM
AND WHEN HE REPENTS FORGIVE HIM….. SIGH DOES ANYONE SEE THE ISSUE OF TO PRACTICE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
ONE BEST DO WHAT IS MOST APPROBRIATE TO THE CONDITIONS INCLUDING THE CONDITIONS THE OTHER
HAS CREATED IN THEIR ABILITY TO RECEIVE LOVE AND THAT LOVING UNCONDTIONALLY CAN MEAN
TO WITHHOLD FORGIVENESS FOR SOME SINS UNTIL THE OTHER REPENTS, OTHERWISE ONE CAN BE GUILTY OF
ENABLING BAD BEHAVIOUR THO IN ONE’S MIND ONE WOULD SEE THAT ONE IS PRACTICING WHAT ONE THINKS
IS UNCONDTIONAL LOVE ACTUALLY ONE FAILS THO NOT INTENDING HARM, ONE BY FAILING TO SEE
BEYOND ONE’S OWN IDEALISTIC NOTIONS WHAT ONE COULD MORE EFFECTIVELY AND ONE EVEN ENABLES
THE BAD BEHAVIOUR OF THE OTHER TO SOME DEGREE AND THUS IS GUILTY OF THE SIN IN LUKE 12 I BELIEVE
THAT ONLY RECEIVES A FEW STRIPES OF CHASTISEMENT…[KING JAMES VERSION OF BIBLE LANGUAGE]
FOR THOSE FAMILIAR WITH THIS PASSAGE IN LUKE… THE ONE WHO KNOWS GOD’S WILL BUT FAILS TO DO IT
OR FAILS TO PREPARE TO DO AS THEY KNOW THEY SHOULD… THEY RECEIVE……..REMEMBERJ?
AND THEN THERE ARE THOSE WHO KNOW EVIL AND DO EVIL…. THEY ARE TO BE CASTE AMONG
THE UNBELIEVERS AND TORN ASUNDER…. DAMNATION …THO I DON’T THINK DAMNATION OF A SOUL
IS SAID TO BE ETERNAL IN THE GREEK NEW TESTAMENT BUT RATHER A CERTAIN KIND OF PERIOD OF TIME ….
No use 'if...then...clauses' in establishing conditions for accepting and loving another.
Taking a risk to be open and vulnerable with another with no pre-set limits on the relationship.
"Existence" as sole rationale is to accept and love other people for the fact that they exist rather than for what they are.
Value others for themselves rather than for what they do or have done.
No strings attached to hold people in an esteemed position with acceptance and love because they exist in your world rather than for what they do for you.
Freedom to be your own person
Self-esteem enhancing is to set the stage for others to feel warmth, caring, and concern for themselves which results in their growing in self-esteem and self-worth.
When you are the recipient of unconditional acceptance and love from others, you feel:
Free to be yourself.
You have value and worth.
Wanted and desired for you as you - rather than for what you do.
Listened to and understood.
That you have yourself to offer others which in itself is worthwhile.
Warmth, cared for, and nurtured.
You are OK just the way you are.
That there is no need to wear a mask or to act in any way just to please another.
Free to be yourself and to open up your feelings with no fear of rejection or non-approval.
That it is possible to take the risk to be vulnerable with others in order to have open and honest relationships with them.
No fear of retribution or reprisal from others if you should make a mistake or experience a failure.
That there are no conditions set on your relationships with others.
What are the negative consequences of a lack of unconditional love and acceptance?
When people are NOT given unconditional acceptance and love, then they:
Feel constrained to act in ways which are inconsistent with their beliefs and feelings.
Lack the freedom to be themselves.
Live their lives to please others rather than to please themselves.
Are not given the freedom to experience the natural consequences of their own actions and decisions.
Can become dependent on others to make them feel good about themselves.
Can become very rule bound and perfectionistic in seeking to do what is "right'' or "expected'' of them in order to be accepted or loved.
Are more likely to experience low self-esteem and low self-worth.
Feel misunderstood, not approved of, and defensive.
Have poor relationship skills and experience failed relationships.
Work harder at meeting conditions and expectations set for them by others than working at becoming self-directed, self-sufficient, and self-reliant.
Can become withdrawn and isolate themselves so as not to experience future rejection and non-approval.
Confuse the need to follow rules and obey directions as the only way to be accepted and loved by others.
Believe that they can never fail or make a mistake because they would never be worthy of love or acceptance from others.
Do not learn how to accept and love themselves unconditionally and therefore are very self-critical, self-disapproving and self-punitive.
Tend to set unrealistic, no-achievable, and overly idealistic expectations for themselves which must first be met in order to accept and love themselves.
