It's about the kids

[Portia]

If you’re interested in communes and the damage they did, you may like to visit amazon.co.uk for:

My Life in Orange by Tim Guest

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1862076324/qid=1078927290/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_10_1/026-8562585-1060435

“Tim's story of growing up in a commune though somehow still growing up in isolation is very moving”
“The story of a young boy losing his home and mother and their rediscovery of each other is beautifully written without a trace of self pity and with much compassion. Then there is the story of the commune of Osho Rajneesh”

[Anonymous]

For example, one commune that I lived on, some parents actually openly encouraged their pre-adolescents children to explore each other sexually, within the same family, like brothers an sisters. The joke went, 'Incest, the game the whole family can play.' This was shocking, but in that environment of permissiveness it was so acceptable and discussed alonside 'pass the lentils' at the dinner table. One other elite exclusive commune that failed big-time had a membership age rule. No-one over 40 I think it was. This was doomed. There was no wisdom of age in the whole community, it was such an artificial environment.


Guest

Still on the commune thing, I'll try not to be too longwinded. This one I referred to wasn't a religious commune, the people were all pretty much 'back to earth people' the 'Back to Eden' Jethro Kloss types. Exploring alternative lifestyles and therapies and medicines and finding common bonds to establish a commune on. I must admit I did live for way too long in a religious commune at one time too, which used a powerful thought reform program, although I was completely unaware of it at the time. It all just seemed so loving and caring initially. Then it turned into a nightmare after about 6 months

But back to the 'earth people'. I was there for about 2 years. One sad story that has haunted me. There were 2 young boys, with same gender parents, who had both been psych nurses in the big city, and they fell in love and decided to 'drop out' together with their kids. Each had a son the same age as each other. They all moved to the commune to live 'free' and raise their children in a nurturung environment, in a time when their ( the parent's) homosexuality was still a taboo subject in many circles.

These two parents were mostly kind and caring and I liked them a lot. I am hetero but they were very accepting of hetero's, even though they encouraged their 2 young boys openly to explore each other sexually. This bothered me and a few others, but it wasn't the 'done thing' to criticise other's choices. I didn't fit in as well as some so was a bit of a fringe-dweller really, an observer and I found so much was confusing, it seemed the more permissive one was the more one fitted it. I couldn't even get into the nudity thing comfortably, and that was like a basic requirement of membership. I was sitting on the grass one day watching everyone swimming in the dam, one guy came up to me to introduce himself. I'm sitting he's standing, so his erect penis is at my eye level. He reached down to shake my hand, I didn't know which one to shake. It was so funny when I think about it now. I was so frigid and embarrassed.  

Anyway, these 2 little boys were actively encouraged to experiment with each other sexually and to observe their parents experimenting with each other too. One night a few of us were invited to their cabin for dinner and one of these parents explained that the boys were "up in the loft giving each other a good time." Eventually the cracks began to appear in this permissive philosophy, one these little boys started 'blood letting'.

A free school operated in the commune and it became known this boy was 'bloodletting', and this blew into a huge problem, and a laughing matter no more. Then the teacher and parents found out that he had been teaching other kids how to do 'bloodletting'. He was taking razor blades to school to show other, even littler kids how to do it. He could have only been 9 or 10. Then the problems grew and these two little boys started 'pack hunting'. They were still pre-pubescent, and they forced one members daughter into a perverse sexual act. The whole roof began to collapse on the commune. (Metaphorically speaking). I still had contact with friends for a few years after I left, but the fall-out was devastating for so many people. Hepatitis or something equally as bad ( I forget) thyphus, I can't remember, swept through the commune from the foul water people were swimming in and drinkin from.

One husband and father of 2 suicided. It got too much for him when he had to share the delivery room with 2 other guys who could possibly have been the father of the baby his wife was giving birth to.

The other 2 guys who could have been the father were either of these same gender parents of the 2 little boys. It went completely insane, or should I say ended up completely insane. But it didn't start out that way. It started out as a local arts, preserves and vegetable co-op, formed by a  group which I was involved with, of alternative health freaks. And it turned into a milder Jim-Jones cult situation. One of the little boys ended up on medication and was considered dangerous.  

Anyway sorry for taking so long, but all these things have made me very aware of my need to keep my own boundaries in place and to be careful of ever getting swept along or swept up in any group mentality. I've shown great weakness in this department in the past or I wouldn't have found my way and been drawn to these types of situations in the first place. My need to belong, and not recognising a healthy from unhealthy environment, or recognising it but not caring so long as I felt loved and accepted.

This was the legacy of the neglectful and abusive parenting I had and it's taken me a long time into my adult years to know myself and my own mind and keep to my own path and to take responsibility for myself and the choices I make. I can't blame that lousy parenting anymore. It's taken a lot of self-reflection to learn this though. Sometimes I cringe at different things I've been involved in. Or things I've observed, stood by and said nothing, because of my own needs for love an acceptance and not wanting to risk being ostracised. Fortunately, I think I may have managed to develop a good streak of common sense now along my strange journey in life. Sorry for raving, I'll shutup now.

Guest.

[lynn]

To everyone who has been so kind to share their thoughts,

Thank you for your insight.  I want so much to make things as right as I can... and at this time in my life... much is confusion. Hearing your opinions, feeling your caring... it's truly amazing to me. I have never participated in a group of people who are so generous and kind.  Willing to jump right in and share their life and knowledge... and in an incredibly caring way.  I am overwhelmed by your responses.

I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Warmly, lynn