Dodging Bullets

[phoenix]

bye

[Anonymous]

So, please tell me, what are you all thinking about this? All you people with "faces" to show, willing to put yourself in the line of fire while a sniper shoots from the bushes, what will eventually happen here? What are your thoughts on this? With much sadness I contemplate leaving for good, this place I found comraderie, support, and others who could help untangle the web of my past, that I could run free as I feel God originally intended. If there is anything my past has taught me, there is little learning when all your energy goes into dodging bullets. In the end that is all you aquire- skills for dodging bullets.

but they're not bullets, are they, just long rambling posts from someone who fancies themselves as a psychology or semantics expert who is used to being verbiose to get attention.


If there is anything my past has taught me, there is little learning when all your energy goes into dodging bullets. In the end that is all you aquire- skills for dodging bullets

that's a great quote though!

[Anonymous]

that was me, write, above.

[Portia]

Hello again Phoenix! Good to see you. I haven’t felt tormented by anyone (I tormented myself a while back, but that was me!). I haven’t let any of it get to me: not the anonymous postings (it’s fascinating to empathise too: why crazy Guests do the weird stuff that they do). It would be different if you or another ‘name’ started attacking me. I’d cry in the corner.

Dodging bullets: have you seen any of The Matrix films? You just put up your palm and the bullets stop at your command! Nobody here, certainly not anyone anonymous, is going to turn up on my doorstep and really punch me on the nose.

Seriously, it’s a small world but it’s still a big one if you want it to be. So few people browse here that I feel safe revealing as much about myself as I do (it’s all been true). And after all, most people are more interested in themselves (Ns or not) than me, so there’s little to be really worried about. And if people say things you don’t want to hear, don’t listen. Come and talk to me instead! We’re allowed to start a thread with “Hey {named poster}, what do you think of this?”. It might be a bit ‘cliquey’ but then again, anyone else can join in.

Think of it more as deflecting bullets, rather than dodging them.
Are you feeling stronger now? Are you physically better? I’d like it if you could tell me a joke Phoenix! (And I’d tell you my second-favourite. It’s terrible and corny.)   Sometimes we need a little light-heartedness… best, P

[Lizbeth]

As I said in the other post, ignore the trolls, N's, or whatever you choose to call them.  Stop feeding them, they will eventually go away.  Drives them crazy to be ignored.  It might be hard to do, but it works, eventually.

[phoenix]

bye

[Lizbeth]

Hi Phoenix, I am in Rosz' camp as well, just am not quite as brave, though, as I said, it is getting better (with the help of my wonderful Hubby and the time I spent with a therpist).  I was always afraid if I did stand up for myself, I would not be loved any longer or be shut down or punished in some way.  The times I have voiced my disapproval or disagreement with others than my husband (he's safe, you see) have worked out well and it makes me stronger for the next time.  But I waft in and out of that bravery and when I manage to do it and it turns out well, I keep on asking my husband about it afterward (did I really do ok, etc.).

Just had an instance with my sister yesterday where she lied to me and I stood up to her about it and when she tried to defend herself by projecting her guilt back onto me, I very calmly told her I didn't buy it and that what she did was wrong, etc.  I love my sister very much, we have never had a fight in our entire lives together, so this was very painful for me, and I am just now starting to calm down.  But I am happy with how I handled it.  I am growing by bits and starts.

I have been standing up for my sister and my brother my entire life, it is standing up for myself that I have trouble with.  I always want to retreat back into my safe mode for fear of what?  Everything that happened to me in my childhood comes into play as I'm making that split second decision on what to do.

I do, however, practice complete "ignore" and "no contact" with my two N ex-husbands since my children are now grown men.  Am going to have to practice that with my N son as well, once he decides to contact me again when he's hit bottom of whatever mess he is apt to be in by now.

[Lizbeth]

Jacmac, I know about N boss'.  I had one for 7 years back when I did not know how to defend myself or stand up for myself at all (no way, no how).  She was so awful that I ended up on tranquilzers just to deal with her.  I needed my job.  I had two young children to support and NO child support coming from either of their N fathers.  This job gave me a halfway decent salary and very good benefits. I had preexisting medical conditions that they accepted immediately, as well.   I could not quit, though I sorely wished I could have done so, as you did.

The company lost its contract with the goverment after I was there for 7 years and we shut down.  My boss was one of the first to go, I was one of the very last 3, because I was necessary to keep the place running, and N was not.  That made me feel good, though the years dealing with her were very damaging to me.

The job I have now I have had for 13 years and I have learned to stand up for myself with my boss' (they are not quite as N) and that has turned out well, mostly because I am indespendable to keeping the place running (I can pat myself on the back about that because it is true, not being N when I say it).   I also help my husband run our part time business, which helps my self-esteem as well.

But I am still a very big chicken, trying to shed my feathers and turn into something else (a swan, perhaps?)

Lizbeth

[phoenix]

bye

[phoenix]

bye

[Lizbeth]

Is there anyway to disguise some of the particulars where it won't change the important aspects of the situation, so the person won't recognize themselves if they do come across your post?

So few people browse here that I feel safe revealing as much about myself as I do (it’s all been true).  

There is an issue in my personal life I want to ask about, but I fear being found out by someone very close to me! It is so unlikely that would happen, but I can't yet seem to put it down to 'paper'. It would be very damaging for this person to come across. Maybe in time. The relationship may be disintigrating of it's own accord, anyway. I'll hold onto it a little longer.

[phoenix]

bye

[Lizbeth]

That does leave you in a pickle.  Sorry.

Lizbeth, It would be understood immediatley. There is really no way around it.

[phoenix]

bye

[Lizbeth]

Now that had me chuckling.  However, brings to mind when I threw out my second N husband and he went out and bought a book (no joke) that was entitled "How to Win Back the One you Love."  Talk about clueless N.

Now, on a playful note, book titles:

                           "CIRCULAR CONVERSATIONS"  

                                             author N known
 


                             “DIPLOMACY”

                                   author un N